Oh. My. God. Remember being 9 years old and saying to yourself, I am about to hit double digits? And then you turned 10 and realized… nothing changed. Well, guess who’s 10 now??? Yes, that’s right, Bad Girls Club! And just as you expect there are a ton of crazy b*tches, but this time they’re in Atlanta! Onward!
The episode opens up with, you guessed it, a fight. We don’t know who any of the people are or what the brawl is about. The scene ends and a screen flashes “Three Weeks Earlier.”
In the land before time where it is three weeks prior, the seven new Bad Girls are just moving into the house. Paula from Chicago is the first to arrive. She has a temper, gets fired from all her jobs, etc. Next we are introduced to Nicole from New Jersey. Grew up in the Bronx, wears Jordans in the clubs. Okay. Paula and Nicole bond. They seem to like each other though Paula is critical of Nicole’s fashion choices.
Elsewhere, we meet Stephanie from Harlem at a bar. She’s the token bisexual stripper. Digs homophobic girls because they are the “forbidden fruit.” She is joined by Alicia from Chi-town, who boasts that she dresses like a lady. Well, today she’s wearing a slutty sailor suit that shows off her midriff so I guess my definition of lady is different than hers. But she’s fun and bubbly so her sartorial choices are cancelled out by her personality. Stephanie is immediately attracted to her. Imagine that.
At another spot in Atlanta, we are greeted by Janae from Houston as she shovels barbecue into her mouth. Janae is totally beautiful, according to Janae. Also, men, she won’t boink you right away. You have to talk to her one or two times THEN she will boink you. FYI! Valentina from Maryland meets up with Janae. Valentina is tall, into rich dudes, and Nigerian. Both girls just PRAY that all the other ladies in the house are pretty.
So now we’ve met six of the chicks and it’s time for them to meet each other! Stephanie and Alicia arrive at the house together. Stephanie, eager to show off her professional stripper skills, immediately removes her pants and works the pole in the house. Janae and Valentina arrive next. But where is lucky number seven???
Well, what do you know. Here she comes! Her name is Shannon. Abandoned by her mom at age 2, went to military school, claims to have worked really hard for everything she has, which includes fake boobs, a fake nose, fake lips, and hair extensions. And perhaps the strangest part about her is that she hails from Portland, Oregon. Hmmmm, when I think Portland I think tree-hugging hippies, passionate recyclers, and feminist book store owners. Not plastic surgery addicted hoochies. Maybe I’ve been watching too much Portlandia? At any rate, the girls all fawn over each other. “You’re so pretty,” “No you’re so pretty!” “How big are your boobs?” So far everyone is getting along.
But now it is time to go out and get wasted! Janae cannot hold her liquor and instigates this bizarre fight with Paula in the limo when she refuses a hair tie. I’m all, what the what? Back at the house, Janae is still sort of angry and sort of starts fighting Nicole but it is all very tepid by Bad Girls Club standards. Paula realizes that Janae is drunk but reassures everyone that she will address the situation tomorrow. What situation? B*tch is drunk! Just move on.
Janae realizes that she doesn’t want everyone to hate her so early in the game, so she apologizes, and then hops in the hot tub and starts making out with bisexual Stephanie. Valentina then tells us that living with six other girls is going to be a piece of cake for her because she went to boarding school with thousands of chicks. How f*cking big was your boarding school???
Morning comes, and thankfully all the drama from the night before is forgotten. Janae apologizes again and everything seems cool. They all go to get their nails done.
They return to the house, and Janae (I smell trouble) overhears Nicole saying that she has no desire to visit Houston. Janae flips the sh*t out. How DARE Nicole insult her hometown! While I agree that it was a bit rude, Janae’s reaction is so overblown that I am seriously worried about her stability. Home girl needs to be committed! Nicole, on the other hand, looks on the bright side: now she knows how to antagonize Janae!
But again, time to move on because it is time to go out to the club! And guess who they meet? Andre from Love Games. He sure got over Camilla and Amy fast!
Janae, again, gets super trashed. Instead of just passing out, she gets aggressive and embarrasses herself and everyone else. When it’s time to go, she has to be escorted out by two bouncers because she can’t stand up on her own. Her mom must be so proud! When she gets in the limo, Nicole offers her water by throwing it all over her. They start fighting. The poor limo driver. Janae is removed from the limo and taken home in a separate car.
Back at the house, everyone is annoyed with Janae. They want to like her but she keeps starting sh*t when there is no sh*t to be started! Paula tries to put her to bed, but she won’t shut up, so Nicole and Valentina approach her. And then… a fight breaks out!
We’re in the Bad Girls Club!
Till next time—
Liz Out Loud
Check out a sneak peek from next week's episode here:
Bad Girls Club: Atlanta is SO new TUE 8/7C!