One of my most favorite things to do in the world is eat free food. What, there is leftover pizza from a meeting at work? It’s been sitting in the conference room for three hours? Eh, that’s okay because it’s freeeeee! Sign me up, I’ll eat it.
To that end, my position is a bit challenged this week on the Bad Girls Club as one thing I DON’T like is when said free food is dumped all over me. That ain’t cool. And that’s exactly what happens to poor, not-drunk-for-once, Janae.
See, former nice girls Alicia and Valentina have decided that they want Janae out of the house. They’ve already packed up her clothes in garbage bags (how kind!) and now they’ve mixed up a concoction of lasagna, salsa, and corn chips which, while delicious on their own, do not taste good as they are tossed onto your body, as they are to sad Janae. And instead of doing anything about it, she just sits on the curb. This sh*t ain’t worth it, she’s ready to go home. Home girl has given UP.
Nikki, who has quickly become my favorite (let’s see how long that lasts) urges Valentina and Alicia to stop as they are bullying. They tell her to mind her own business. Of course.
As Janae waits to go home, Alicia and Valentina start dumping out her clothes. And that’s when the attack dog we know as Janae, well, attacks. You can treat HER like a dumping ground, but not her stuff! So she pounces on Alicia, and then Valentina jumps in, then security jumps in, and it’s like a big friendly group hug, except they are ripping each other’ss hair out and punching! Finally, the fight is over and Janae drives off to the airport. One girl down!
To celebrate, Valentina and Alicia go to a BBQ restaurant where they b*tch about Nikki for being loud. Meanwhile, at the house, flip-flopping lesbian Stephanie calls Andre to invite him over. When he arrives, she hugs him while wearing no pants. Ahhh, young love! They go to her bedroom where they proceed to hook up.
After he leaves, Stephanie confides in Paula. She’s really digging Andre, so much so that he is one of the only guys who she has ever talked to and not actually, uh, bonked. Klassy.
Elsewhere in the house, alliances and strategies are being formed. Shannon is killing them with kindness, Alicia boasts that she is queen of the house, and Nikki and Paula discuss the mean girls.
But all is forgotten when MORE free food arrives in the house, this time it’s chocolate-covered fruit! See, Shannon’s sugar daddy “Mr. Yes” sent them over. This is all part of her aforementioned plan to kill them with kindness. Over the phone Shannon had explained to Mr. Yes: “That’s where being an Academy Award Actress comes in.” Watch out Meryl!
Despite the dramz in the house, the girls go out, though Alicia looks like she’s going to a 1980s aerobics class. At the club, Stephanie talks to a gentleman named Devin, who some of you may remember as the former NFL baller from Love Games. He mentions to Steph that he knows Andre… from Love Games. No me digas! She starts flipping out, is Andre a #BadGirlGroupie? A fame whore? Yes to both, probably. She calls him on the phone and tells him she’s done with him. How DARE he betray her like that.
Back at the house, Stephanie continues to moan about Andre. Valentina and Shannon point out that he ain’t that bad, after all, he brought groceries to the house. Free food = keeper (one thing the Bad Girls and I have in common.)
The next morning, Nikki wakes everyone up to get their nails done. At the salon, she is ready to party. The other girls are all too hungover and they don’t want to go out. Nikki starts arguing with Valentina that she always goes out when they want to go out, and now it’s her turn to choose the venue. As much as I like Nikki, I’m all, choose your fights girl! Who wants to go to the bar with a bunch of zombies anyway???
The girls take two cars back to the house: Paula, Nikki and Stephanie in one and Shannon, Alicia, and Valentina in the other. Naturally they b*tch about each other the whole way home, as that is the Bad Girls way.
Andre comes over and apologizes to Stephanie. Now they’re happy. So they hook up. Yeah! And then Nikki says she’s sorry for whining. Valentina observes that she has zero self-confidence. I am prone to agree.
With everyone semi-happy again, Stephanie, Paula and Nikki all go out while the other ladies stay in. The girls are super wasted; in fact they are “white boy wasted” according to Valentina, when they return. They’re running all over the house, screaming, you know, the usual. Nikki breaks a glass and Alicia starts freaking out at her. Nikki won’t admit she’s drunk as Alicia cleans the glass. Valentina gets up in her face, and then, what do you know, Nikki pounces! Another fight! And then, Scene!
So, do you think ANOTHER girl will go home next week?
Liz Out Loud
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