Episode 407 recap

This week's episode begins with a BGC photo shoot, which also serves as Portia and Natalie's reunion. I know what you're thinking: Will these two need to be separated? But, sadly, it proves quite uneventful. But it must have been nice for Portia to look so hot in front of Natalie -- who looks like hungover trash. That night, Kendra invites her speed-dating beau over for some "quality time." Just as they start getting to know each other better poolside, the other girls feel it's time he gets introduced to Wilbur and Natalie. Wilbur has an unfortunate slip in the pool, so Annie, being the good-natured gal she is, gets naked and rescues him ... even though he can float. Did I mention he's an inflatable and sexable pig? That's right. I just coined the word "sexable." Next, Flo has a plan to get the girls some lesbian lovin' and plans a trip to a gay bar. This is the spark that fuels the Amber v. Flo fire. The girls make it to the not-so-cleverly named "Girl Bar," where Flo hops right up on stage like an old pro and picks up a tall blonde foreign hottie. How, you ask? By licking and sucking dollar bills off her chest. I'm sorry, I eat food off the floor and have dated many a d-bag, but dollar bills? In your mouth?! Gross. Flash forward to Natalie and Kendra in the pool talking, once again, about "brokeness" and gold-digging. Natalie schools Kendra in the art of scamming rich dudes. Did you know that every Tuesday is payday in the NFL? Kendra takes notes, and Natalie gets that maniacal, Mr. Burns "Ehhhh-xcellent" look in her eye as she relates her success in turning Kendra into, and I quote, "a mini-me, a monster." These two once again top the FAKE list. But Kendra is taught a lesson by Angel, yet another male suitor, who comes to dinner with the girls. Seconds after being seated, Kendra insists that he pay for her food, badgering him despite his obvious hesitation. After finishing his meal, he abruptly leaves and stiffs her with the bill. Awesome. Initially, I gave Angel REAL points and mad props for this -- that is until I heard the message he left for Kendra a few days prior. The message included an excerpt from a song in which states "You know that I will come f*** you when you're lonely." How sweet. So maybe he is a cheap d-bag, and, in that case, they deserve each other. Natalie invites yet another of her D-list celeb friends out that night: a football player I've never heard of. Natalie repeatedly claims they're just friends, and this seems mostly due to the fact that he won't make out with her even though she throws herself at him, changes into "PJs" -- aka lingerie -- for him, and keeps telling him that "it could happen." Really, it's just sad to watch. But without further ado, on to the climax: "You either lick the cooter or stick the cooter." Amber claims she's not homophobic, but she continues to announce that the notion of being bisexual is absurd, whereas being gay OR straight is reasonable, and okay in her book. I bet she's just jealous because Flo has twice the chance of getting laid at any given time. I mean, I like chocolate AND vanilla; in fact, I love me a good swirl cone. Nobody tell Amber. As you can imagine, this escalates quickly. Flo gets in Amber's face about her closed-mindedness and she retaliates by pushing her in the pool. Flo limps out of the pool with a broken ankle and attacks Amber, throwing her by her hair across the patio. Folks, this is definitely worthy or a slow-motion replay or three. Amber runs away as Flo continues to goes completely and utterly bat-sh** insane and threatens Amber's life. Our girl crush on Flo has officially been crushed. Um ... at least she was being real in this part. I mean, who fakes being a complete psychopath? Flo is eventually taken to the hospital and is picked up the next morning by Kendra and Natalie, who coach her to cry, lie, and basically fake remorse, which is impressive because I'm pretty sure these three girls are incapable of that emotion. So, in the end, Flo joins the ranks of the fake bitches this week and takes the lead in "Bad Girls Most in Need of Anger Management." And, although I think Amber is an insanely closed-minded idiot, I do think she was being quite real this week; it's hard to fake homophobia.Next week's preview seems to be very promising with fights and flying phlegm! So be sure to tune into Oxygen Tuesday at 10/9c and visit us at www.evilbeetgossip.com for your daily dose of celeb gossip!

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