Hola amigos! It feels like it’s been diez años since we last talked! I’ve missed you! Lucky for us, what HASN’T been missing is drama at the Bad Girls Club! Sure, we took a week off, but these crazy b*tches have kept busy while we were away. Onward!
The episode opens up with, wait for it, gossip! Rima can’t believe Ashley is friends with Christina after she attacked her. Meanwhile Falen, Julie, and Mehgan make fun of Andrea’s voice. Andrea shrugs it off because she would hope these ladies have something better to do than hate on her for the way she talks. Sweetheart! This is the Bad Girls Club. Any alum will tell you it doesn’t take much to render you an outcast. Heck, you could tell a girl you like Fruity Pebbles and she’d be all, I’m Team Cocoa Pebbles! And then she’d pour milk all over you.
Mehgan continues to whine because apparently Andrea moved Mehgan’s stuff to her bed. This means war! So Mehgan and gang take a dry erase marker and write “Don’t start drama that you can’t finish!!! :)” on Andrea’s picture. Oh, you badddddd! Andrea returns to the house and approaches them about it. Julie tells her it’s a “forewarning” so beware! Andrea, all you need to do to get back at these girls is hide their mascara and eyeliner and then they’ll be putty in your hands.
That night everyone but Julie and Mehgan go out. Lovable Ashley keeps it classy by peeing in a bucket in the limo. Fun times! Jersey complains that no guys hit on her, but then reasons it is because she is too beautiful and intimidating to men. Riiight. Keep drinking the Kool Aid!
The next day it is Ashley’s birthday so all the girls go swimming with the dolphins, even Julie who previously sullied the good name of Flipper and Co by calling them rapists. Everyone appears to get along, at least on paper. Rima still has doubts about Christina. Later that night, they all go out to a club where Andrea’s boyfriend from home Paul shows up, resplendent in long dread locks and tacky clothes. They all return to the house where the reunited couple hooks up on camera. This reminds Christina of her ex-boyfriend Ben, so she calls him. They were together six years and recently broke up, but she’s TOTALLY over him, so she says. She also asks him if he still loves her while on the phone, so methinks she’s lying to us.
The next morning, Paul returns to his hotel and doesn’t reach out to Andrea all day until 9pm when he finally calls. He says that he just woke up. Andrea is all bish please, find a better story, and tells him to stay at the hotel. The six other girls all clap for her, even Mehgan, who says she likes her now because she stood up to her man. How lucky for Andrea!
Undaunted, everyone goes out to party except for Rima who stays home. An older gentleman approaches Christina to ask her to dance. First, she orders a bottle of champagne which she drinks straight out of the bottle. She explains that you don’t have to act slutty or put lips on a guy (ewwwww) to attract him, just use your sex appeal. Ha! And use her sex appeal she does as she dances around the stripper pole and he inserts dollar bills in her booty shorts.
A few minutes later, Paul arrives at the club. Andrea loses her backbone and forgives him, but then she gets mad all over again when Paul tsk tsks her for talking to another guy. Oh snap! She sends him home again.
Back at the house, Christina boasts that she made $160. Julie gets all judgy judgy, and then a very upset and drunk Jersey calls Ben. Oh this is going to be good. She starts sobbing, asking him why he left her after six years. He stammers a reply, and then she throws MAJOR shade and calls him a German Nazi Motherf-----. What is this, 1942???
The next morning Christina doesn’t remember anything. Well there’s a shocker. Maybe you should lay off the booze? Julie, meanwhile, starts plotting to send Jersey home. She and Mehgan tell Rima that Christina hid her wallet and poured water in her foundation when it was really them! Rima is pissed and vows to send her home.
That night Rima is still stewing over the foundation because home girl needs to look like a pancake, I guess. Christina senses that something is going on, but chooses to ignore it. Rima asks her to get the paddle out of the pool, which she does. After hearing Rima whisper about her, Christina approaches her and before you know it they get in a fight! Well, I am shocked, shocked! I can’t even tell who throws the first punch but it gets messy. And then the episode ends with a cliffhanger that someone is going home.
Till next week—
Liz Out Loud