The Revolutionary War may have been in the 1700s, but it’s a history lesson that I think the ladies of the Bad Girls Club need to review. See, there were two sides: Great Britain and the Thirteen Colonies. The Thirteen Colonies fought the British in order to gain their independence. They won, and the United States of America was born. The end.
Now, there were a lot of things that happened during the War, but the key here is that there were two opposing sides and you always knew who your enemy was. The ladies of the Bad Girls Club are fighting quite the different battle, and I never know whose side anyone is on.
For example, last week Shannon and Paula got in a fight because Shannon was tired of being kosher. I’m simplifying, but that’s kind of my thing. So this week Shannon tells Paula she needs to apologize or else. Paula agrees. They’re not friends exactly, but at least they’ll be cordial towards each other.
Guess what party people? It’s Alicia’s birthday, so they are going to throw a party where I imagine they’ll play Pin the Tail on the Donkey and eat birthday cake and hit a piñata. Who am I kidding? They’ll get wasted, which really is no different than any other day but we’ll just ignore that. Alicia announces that the theme is costumes. What kind of costumes, you ask. SLUTTY costumes, of course, as we learn when Alicia, Stephanie, Valentina, and Rocky go shopping.
Meanwhile, the new girl that has come to replace Jenn arrives. Her name is Nancy, she’s 22, and from Memphis. She likes sex. Everyone is actually nice to her. Rocky and Shannon take her on a tour of the house and Rocky warns her not to get too drunk because these girls can be bullies. In fact, she was jumped when she first moved in.
Well, it’s time for some pearl clutching because this convo gets back to Valentina who flips the f*ck out. How DARE Rocky speak the, uh, truth? In fact, Valentina is so pissed that she wants to punch Rocky out! Thus, she’s a bully!
However, self awareness isn’t really Valentina’s thing. But that’s okay, because it’s now the next day and it’s time for Alicia’s birthday party! New girl Nancy jumps on the “Rocky is dumb” bandwagon when she remarks that she thinks Rocky can be such an airhead sometimes that it’s hard to “conversate” with her. I just have to smile. Irony, thy name is Nancy.
That night at the party, Rocky approaches Valentina and APOLOGIZES for saying that she was jumped. Whaaaaa? She’s all, “I didn’t say it was you, Valentina, just that I was jumped.” This isn’t good enough for the newly diagnosed (by me) batsh*t crazy Valentina. In the limo on the way back to the house, Alicia lectures Shannon on Rocky being fake. And my head spins.
Night falls and the sun rises. All of the girls go to a spa, sans Rocky and Shannon. I learn the most shocking thing I have ever learned in ten seasons of the Bad Girls Club: Stephanie the stripper has never gotten waxed before. I am genuinely shocked by this news.
That night the girls do their own things. Rocky and Shannon go to a gay bar while the rest of the chicks plan to go out to a club. But then they find out the club is closed so they stay home. Why don’t they just go to a different club? Hmmmmm.
On their way home, we learn that there are a few cracks in the strong bond between Shannon and Rocky. Rocky wants Shannon not to talk to the other girls because they walk all over her and she’s HER friend goddammit. Okay, we’re in high school again. Actually, more like middle school.
Back at the house Valentina starts screaming at Rocky about God knows what. Then she gets in Shannon’s face. See, this is the part where the whole enemy-thing-in-wartime gets a little mixed up. Valentina says she can f*ck with Shannon but not Rocky, and in this instance apparently being able to f*ck with someone is a compliment? I can’t tell. But Rocky starts screaming at Shannon, and then Valentina turns her attention towards Shannon also! She pushes her and then it’s ON.
Will Shannon fight back? We just have to wait till next week. Ughhhhh the suspense!
Liz Out Loud
And check out a sneak peek from next week's SO new episode: