2016 will be remembered by pop culture as one of the worst years in human history. As these terrible 365 days draw to a close, we're looking back at some of the crazier things to happen in the world of crime. Let's hope next year is at least less ... weird.
1. Creepy Ass Clowns
We still don't know whether this phenomenon was some kind of otherworldy hysteria or based in actual fact. But we do know that all across the United States, creepy ass clowns started appearing and causing all kinds of trouble. Viral videos that showcased threatening jesters started popping up all over the internet while complaints of harlequins hiding in the forests became almost innumerable. No one ever fully explained the clown panic of 2016, and we'll probably never know what the real deal was.
2. Dildo Defenders
When a burglar tried to rob a sex shop in California, he was met with the fury of women scorned. The thief escaped a barrage of dildos hurled at him by an angered employee and left empty-handed from the botched heist. "I saw the gun and it was like, really? I don't have time for this," said the brave worker who fended off the fiend.
This one was so confusing we had to create an entire explainer just to figure out WTF was going on. The short version: crazy conspiracy theorists on the internet claimed that leaked emails revealed coded communications about underground sex trafficking rings being operated out of D.C. pizza places, leading to an armed gunman opening fire on an Italian restaurant in our nation's capital. Yup. That's a real thing that happened.
4. Christmas Presents For Everyone
Christmas in Florida is a little different from the rest of America, as evidenced by this drug-dealing Santa in Jacksonville. Selling ecstasy, molly, and marijuana out of a U-Haul, Isaac Geiger, was caught by police in rather conspicuous Holiday attire. At least his customers will have a happy new year.
5. Cat Woman Criminal
Perpetual headline-grabber Jocelyn Wildenstein, most famous for having her face surgically altered to resemble a cat, found herself embroiled in a torrid domestic abuse scandal this year after becoming furious with her boyfriend. "Jocelyn's temper is almost as notorious as her love of plastic surgery," said a Daily Mail insider at the time.