Ok, so America is a hot mess right now. We have an unnaturally orange sadistic poltergeist running for president, legalized discrimination against LGBTQs in numerous states, and rampant racism all over television. Far less importantly but certainly troubling: we also have a literal creepy clown infestation.
That's right, terrified citizens all accross this great nation have been spotting creepy ass clowns all up in their hometowns, with reports of malevolent merrymakers appearing in 37 states. The clowns have been both described as armed and dangerous — but also as spooky yet rather innocuous. Videos of these horrific jokesters are being compiled by twitter accounts like @ClownSightings:
The creepy clown happenings seem to have reached a zenith with one of masked monsters getting killed by police (unless this story is a hoax).
Perhaps the scariest thing about this phenomenon is that no one seems to have any f*cking idea why this is happening. While many have speculated the recent fad is actually viral marketing for the upcoming reboot of the notorious horror movie It, others wonder if something more nefarious is happening.
In actuality the whole thing is probably some combination of virality, fadishness, hysteria, and panic. While the first videos that popped up online may have come from generally derranged weirdos or enthusiastic juggalos, the sensation has gained momentum and innumerable copycats via the viral marketing idustrial complex. With the image of nightmarish jesters fresh on people's minds and infiltrating actual news networks, concerned suburban moms begin to see strange shadows in their backyards as haunting harlequins — leading to even more reports and an increase in clown visbility.
At this point it's impossible to tell the difference between actual reports of creepy clowns and viral hoaxes, making it hard to tell if the panic has moved from merely unsettling to actually threatening. That being said, I'm going to go ahead and assume that the banal exigencies of daily life are far more dreadful than your chances of actually encountering a pancake-makeup-faced punchinello.
Meanwhile, master of horror and writer of the original It novel Stephen King is already, like, totally over the whole thing:
Coulrophobia ain't got nothin' on King.