Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Liz Out Loud and I blog for Oxygen.com. I am not on Brooklyn 11223, though I did once live in Brooklyn 11215, a neighborhood called Park Slope which is home to organic vegetables, activism, and double strollers. Brooklyn 11223, however, is quite different, but way more fun. Here these people clutch their crosses and ciggies with even more passion than the residents of Park Slope eat their kale. And let’s not even get started on their fake tans!
Brooklyn 11223 begins by showing us two former best friends who grew up together and have been savagely ripped apart by a cheating scandal. Oh, snap! We have sweet, adorable Christie, who had been best friends with Joey Lynn since kindergarten. But then Christie had this boyfriend Roberto who allegedly slept with Joey Lynn. Oh snap again! Devastated by this betrayal, Christie dumped Roberto and cut Joey Lynn out of her life, taking their friends with her. Her crew includes full-blooded Italian Carla and full-bodied Angelina, both equally scene-stealing. Joey Lynn, meanwhile, vehemently denied that she bonked Roberto but still needed new friends, so she assembled Amanda and Valona.
Even though it’s been a few years since the incident, Christie is still upset about it. She has a new boyfriend Matthew who has beautiful eyes, plump lips, and eyebrows that are just a little too over-manicured. Over a romantic date on jet skis, Matt urges Christie, who has an ulcer, to leave the past in the past. But she just can’t! Joey Lynn was her best friend!
We then go over to Angelina’s house which is like the spring break destination of Brooklyn. She and her posse are popping Coronas and swimming in the pool. Angelina remarks that she can’t eat crabmeat because it’s too fishy, but she could eat a whole crab. And then in her talking head she says how she TOTALLY loves Christie to death, even though she has a wet mop personality . . . sometimes she’s dry, sometimes she’s wet! I already love Angelina.
We pan over to Brooklyn Auto Glass, a now legitimate business that brothers Nick and Chris inherited from their father, who was incarcerated from 1988-1990. According to Angelina, Nick is like the mayor of the nabe because he knows everyone. But unlike a good mayor, he is not above throwing shade on his constituents. You see, Nick thinks Matt is too good for Christie as she looks like a walking parakeet. Oh no he didn’t! Nick thinks Joey Lynn is way hotter, but Angelina disagrees, saying that she looks like Chyna from the WWF. Fat Rocco, who yes is fat, is ever the diplomat and says they are BOTH pretty. Then Nick throws us a real zinger. Apparently Christie was In. The. Room. when the incident happened! And there was another girl! Aye, my head is spinning!
Back at Angelina’s house, Angelina decides to tell Christie what Nick said. Naturally, Christie is not happy. She runs away and Angelina follows her for a bit but then gives up because she is afraid she’ll throw something. Because that’s what friends do! Matt then drives over to meet up with Christie. Are we supposed to believe that white BMW that he is leaning against is his? I’m not quite sure what he does, but okay, sure! Matt is upset about what Mayor Nick said and he wants to defend his lady’s honor, but she wants him to drop it. Well, maybe she can stop talking about Joey Lynn, then?
Next stop is the No Quarter Tavern, where Joey Lynn works. Joey Lynn seems like a fun person but the girl has lived a life, if you know what I mean. Her father died when her mom was pregnant with her, because her sister’s godfather ordered a hit on him. I thought these things only happened in The Sopranos but nope they happen in the 11223 too. Joey Lynn tells us she is 23 and that she hates living in Brooklyn. She feels trapped here. I can’t help but wonder why she doesn’t move…even just across the bridge?
Since the night is still young, we visit Carla at her place of employment, Sapphire Gentlemen’s Club in Manhattan. Funny because it doesn’t look like there are any gentlemen there. Zing! At any rate, Carla is a cocktail waitress and not a stripper but she still can pull down 6Gs a night. Man, I need to switch careers!
So far, we’ve only seen Christie and Angelina’s crews separately. That is, until the scene I like to refer to as the Showdown at the Coney Island Corral. Remember, it’s summertime, and Coney Island is the place to be. Christie and her pals Angelina, Carla, Kelly and Jen hit up THE spot, West 33rd and the beach. They pop open Coronas, though Jen is completely shocked that Kelly and Angelina don’t know how to open them with a lighter. It’s like a Brooklyn rite of passage!
The girls are chilling on the beach, having a good time when what do you know! Joey Lynn and her crew park their chairs just ten feet away. Kelly and Valona engage in a staring contest and I THINK Valona wins because Kelly approaches her with Angelina. There is a bunch of shouting but I am happy to tell you no fists fly. Joey Lynn tries to talk to Christie but Christie won’t have it. Joey Lynn wants to move on and doesn’t feel she has anything to apologize for, but Christie won’t move on without an apology. Joey Lynn denies that she slept with Roberto but at this point Christie won’t even listen, though you can tell it really affects her. The two crews separate without a resolution.
Man—I want to see what this Roberto looks like! He must be the Brad Pitt of the 11223 because I can’t think of any other man who would make two women go bananas like this.
Till next week—
Liz Out Loud