I was just trying to not have to deal with any drama.
When we arrived at the Rhumba Room, I thought to myself that today was going to be a great day. Mel B came out dancing and it brought out the excitement in the room. Then Tiana come out and explained it was going to be a challenge in dance. I love a challenge, especially one dealing with dance.
I think the accusation that I missed a step during the Ass-a-thon was UN-called for. We had all been given the rules at the beginning of the challenge and it was solely up to Tiana's judgment if she felt a contestant was off the beat or missed a step. I think some of the other contestants saw it as an opportunity to get me off my game, and I fell for it like an idiot. We all live and we learn and I don't regret anything that happened that day. I did hate being called a cheater, and that's why I threw the challenge and walked off. I told all the contestants if I was going to win this week it was going to be on the dance floor in front of the judges and in the gym. I wanted to win the challenge of course, but I think that scared the other contestants and they did what they had to do to stop that from happening. I blame no one but myself, I was given the rules at the beginning like everyone else. I was just trying to not have to deal with any drama. Little did I know the drama was building up about me behind my back, so that just was the icing on the cake and it all came out that day.
Long story short, that's when I found out people aren't always who they appear to be. When it’s “lights, camera, action,” they become totally different people. Some contestants had opinions about me and the type of person I was, only after knowing me for 2 weeks and judging everything I said and did, waiting for the moment to blow up on me about things I had no clue bothered them. Apparently a few contestants confided in each other about things that bothered them about me and instead of being mature and speaking with me about them, they concluded who I was without giving me a chance to truly show them who I was. It never was about being on TV for me. It was more about finding myself and re-building my dreams that I let die. I realize at that point it was truly about TV for some contestants, because a mature adult that truly came on a journey of self-assurance would have handled their personal thoughts on a different level. I understand it's a part of competition and it's a TV show, but it hurt me really bad. I thought the behavior was out of line and I felt like I was being attacked. So I did put up my armor and shield and attacked back.
That day changed a lot for me personally, in both a good way and bad. I was hurt by the actions of some more than others, only because I thought they were my friends. But what I learned that day was very valuable. I learned that I have to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve and believing everyone has great intentions. I was fooled one time in life by a close friend and I almost fell for it again this time. But its a good thing I learned it early on, because it help me stay focused on what I was there for, which was my self growth, the opportunity to dance again and get healthy. Also I walked away from my dreams once before, being afraid to stand up for myself, and I did it again in the Rumba Room. I have concluded that day in the Rumba Room had to happen, because it was a part of my self-healing. I walked away one time in my life, but this time I was older and wiser and able to tell myself, not again. You stand up and fight and keeping pushing forward and that's what I did. So I'm grateful to have experienced the Rumba Room.
I picked Katie as my partner, because she has experience in Latin style dancing and I have no training or experience in this style of dance. I figured if I wanted to stay in the competition, I better pick someone who knows their stuff and could help me. I started being very careful about everything I was consuming, still not sure how my body would react. I made sure I started to weigh everything that was going into my body and the amount of calories I was consuming. That week it clicked for me on the nutritional side and I felt a balance happening, a greater understanding of how the science of all this works.
I thought the Cha Cha routine was good for it being my first time ever doing any type of Latin style dancing. I feel I did a miraculous job at imitating the style. My partner Brandon was very supportive and Mario and Katie did an outstanding job as well. Honestly, I felt we had one of the most solid routines of the week. I was very surprised to hear the judges’ responses. Our routine had some of the best choreography that showed off a little bit of everything, and we performed at a very high level. The judges stated that the routine could have been sluttier and dirtier. I thought we gave that and more, and to hear that they didn't agree was a let down. In this dance style, I didn't think we were prim or proper dancers. I always viewed my self as the type of dancer who could copy any style of dance and make it my own. At the end of the day, everyone has their own opinion and the judges’ opinions are what matters. I assured myself that if slutty and dirty dancing is what they want, if I ever get the chance again, I want to blow the judges socks off. lol lol !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To see how much weight everyone's lost each week, go here.