Love Games 304 Recap
One of my absolute FAVORITE qualities in my friends is sanity. It is so nice to go out with a pal, say for a soup and salad, and know that they will just giggle and take a sip of their iced tea when I tell them that my favorite baseball team is the Boston Red Sox. Oh Liz Out Loud, they might say. We accept all sports fans here. Since I live in New York, home of the Yankees, an insane friend might jump out of their seat and say WHAT!?!?! I think David Ortiz is the Anti-Christ! An insane friend might take my delicious pea soup and chicken ceasar salad and dump it over my head as they shout Derek Jeter for President of the world! Woo, having an insane friend like that would be exhausting!
And thats EXACTLY what I feel like it must be like to be friends with Sydney, our resident diabolical redhead. And Im allowed to say that because I too am a diabolical redhead (I used to steal my brothers Halloween candy). Now, I like Sydney--I admire her spunkbut I never know when she is going to go off.
So you can imagine my absolute SHOCK at seeing Mount Sydney erupt at the beginning at the latest episode of Love Games. This time she confronts John because she is all concerned that he is Team Judi. Sydney is furious that Judi even tries to play Love Games because this house is Syds turf. Er, okay. Ill pretend to understand that logic. Judi is worried that Kori and Sydney are conspiring against her, but then again she knows they could turn their backs on each other at any point.
Sydney calms down a bit and starts chatting with model Robby who has the vocabulary of a third grader. She asks him if he does braids. Sure he does. Braids are easy. He says. Sydney then replies, Youre easy. And there we have a slutty third grade conversation. About hair. Okay.
The girls all start talking about who is team who. Since it changes so much I am not even going to write it out. It makes the quadratic equation look like apple pie. Its that confusing. Sydney approaches John to see if he still has feelings for her. Shockingly, he says yes, but I think thats because he is concerned for his safety. The situation quickly escalates. There is a lot of bleeping on both sides. Why you gotta be so f---ing disrespectful? Sydney inquires. More bleeps.
Hurricane Sydney is now in full force. She decides to break something, because, you know, thats what adults do. She throws a vase to the floor. Glass goes everywhere. She breaks down in sobs. Devious Kori goes over to comfort her, but shes only pretending to care. Its all part of the plan to get Sydney on her side so they can throw Judi under the bus.
Sydney finally calms down and decides to focus. She is determined to be the HBIC for the second week in a row. Tanisha invites everyone to go outside by the pool to announce the next challenge. She points out the EKG machine by the cabana. The guys all nod like they actually know what an EKG machine is. Tanisha explains the challenge. The girls will have the opportunity to take three guys into the cabana (One at a time, people. Get your heads out of the gutter!) for three minutes each. The guys will be hooked up to the EKG machine to monitor their heart rate. Then they will calculate into a percentage the difference between each guys resting heart rate and his peak heart rate in the cabana. The winner is determined by who has the highest average percentage of the guys she brings in. And here is the twistthe girls have to pick the guys for each other.
The guys, naturally, are excited. I, naturally, am scared. Judi is up first. Sydney picks Chris for Judi, knowing that he is not attracted to her. Judi has the self-awareness to know that this could be embarrassing. Dont look Mom, she demands. She goes into the cabana with Chris. She pours some stuff onto him, maybe whipped cream or lotion? Cant tell. He actually gets pretty turned on. His heart rate increases by 122%.
Kori picks Robby for Sydney. Sydneys strategy is to observe him to see what kind of guy he is. Well, I didnt know that observed meant grind on top in a most sexy manner but you learn something new every day. Sydney increases Robbys heart rate by 150%. Sizzle.
The game continues. Judi picks John for Sydney (85%). Sydney continues her domination with Edson (263%). I wont waste your time and review everyones score, but lets just say there were some surprises. Judi whips out the chocolate sauce to increase Lil P/Pasquales heart rate by 207%. Kori and JP team up. He calls her his milk of magnesia. Milk of magnesia is a laxative. Does he mean that as a compliment? Ah well, this is the Love Games crew were talking about, not a meeting of Mensa. Sydney picks Joey for Sydney. It is a disaster. He looks bored, so of course she starts slapping him. Of course. Joey, who gave up law school to be on Love Games, observes, Honestly, my d--- was like, get me the f--- outta here dude. Classy.
In the end, Sydney is determined the next HBIC with an average percentage of 167%. Good job girl! Now its time for her to pick dates for the other girls. She chooses Robby for herself, Nick for Sydney, and Edson for Judi.
Judi goes back to her room where she steps on glass -- the glass from the vase that Sydney broke earlier. As it turns out, the glass was from the flowers that Jordan gave Judi. Sydney gets all in Judis face about it. This time we have Tsunami Sydney. She starts frothing at the mouth, saying how no one is here for Judi. The producers have to step between Judi and Sydney. The guys look almost amused. Judi remarks that Sydney is a safety hazard. Id have to agree. And so do the guys.
Shaken up, Judi decides to move to John and Matthews room. She talks to Tanisha. She is visibly upset and feels very alone. Kori and Sydney are ganging up on her. Tanisha urges her to keep playing.
Now its time for the dates. Sydney and Kori are going to a club, and Judi will stay in the house. This is to keep away the drama. I laugh and laugh and laugh, because there is no way to keep drama away with this crazy people. But nice try!
The girls all get to invite a second date. Sydney asks John, and he turns her down. Burn, Sydney. Burn. She asks JP instead and he says yes. Kori decides to bring Joey and Judi brings John. Uh oh. Chris is concerned because he is one of only three guys not going on a date. Well, Chris, you did go into a bathroom with another guy your second week so that could have something to do with it.
Sydney and Kori and their dates go to the club. They head on over to the VIP section. I do not see a single other person. Maybe theyre going at 3 in the afternoon? Who knows? But its always 5 oclock somewhere, so its time to drink!
Back at the house, Chris, Matthew, and Lil P chill out. It then dawns on me that weve had an almost Lil P-free episode! None of those plucked eyebrows and shstirring! How nice.
The dates continue. Nick and Kori are fawning over each other at the club. Hes all, youre my type, and shes all, no youre MY type. So middle school. Sydney flirts with Robby, trying to look all sexy while at least one of her fake nails has fallen off. Love the attention to detail. Surprisingly, the dates DO remain drama free.
The dates are over and everyones back at the house. John approaches Sydney with the hopes of maybe reconciling. He declares that hes not in the business of playing people. Huh. Thats interesting for a man whose nickname is Mr. Player on oxygen.com! But then, in his talking ahead, John admits he is playing the game. How sneaky of him!
Lil P returns to our screen again. Hes not worried about going home because, in his words, he is the Betty Crocker of the house. He bakes homemade cookies! Hmmmm . . . maybe I would keep him around. I do love a cookie, and I must admit his do look delicious! I could forgive those eyebrows if he baked for me every day.
John, that completely complex man, continues to conspire with Sydney. He points out that Kori is a bigger threat than Judi so she should target her guys for elimination. Oh, the shifting of alliances in reality television. Whoever HEARD of such a thing?
Chris is concerned that hell get eliminated because he has only gotten to know Kori. He goes to talk to Sydney, the HBIC. He says he wants a chance to get to know here better, that hes a great guy, just needs to show her because she is so cool. Nice, All-American Chris then adds, I dont want to s--- your d--- because youre in charge. Wow. Just wow. I understand what he meant, but last time I checked Sydney did not have a d---. Well, Ive never actually checked, but you get the picture. Sydney actually acts very gracious and sweet, and I can see why guys like her when she is calm.
Sydney ultimately decides to put Chris, Matthew, and Lil P up for elimination. I never thought Id say this but I kind of want Lil P to stay, because he does keep the show interesting! And I want to see more of his cookies.
Elimination time. Judi looks positively ill. She is scared that Matthew will be sent home. Then guys plead their cases. Lil P says that he cooks and caters to his woman. Who wouldnt want that around? He then completely throws Judi under the bus. He claims that he upped his heart rate HIMSELF by 207% when he was in the cabana with Judi because he is not attracted to Judi and he wanted to help her out. What a humanitarian gesture. Judi is humiliated. Lil P, I was almost on your side. Now I want you to go home. Its Matthews turn to talk. Hes all, and I paraphrase, Im not here to bake you cookies. Youre looking for a man. Lil P visibly flinches as if he has been slapped across the face.
The tension heightens. Kori wants to save Chris and Judi wants to save Matthew. Judi looks like she is about to vomit. Seeing the look of stress on her face, Kori agrees to save Matthew. I am surprised and also pleased. Kori does have a heart. Judi agrees to save Chris. So that means, sniff, sniff, our favorite man with an inverted triangular body and over-plucked eyebrows Pasquale will be sent home. Hit the road, Lil P! He actually leaves like a gentleman.
In the end, the girls all hug it out and it looks there might be peace. Maybe the peace will only last five minutes, but it is peace nonetheless.
Till next time
Liz Out Loud