Tuesday, March 16, 2010 with
I was excited to see the road trip because the things we did were amazing. Beyond the drama, I will always remember that trip with Amber and Kendra. When Natalie came out I was like, "Oh great here we go...." I just knew the drama just walked on the stage. I was just waiting to see what was going to come out of her mouth. My greatest fear going into the Reunion was seeing myself with Kendra on the TV. But when I finally saw it, I was like screw it! Sh*t happens in life and at this point it is beyond my control. I can't change it now, so why dwell on it? If it wasn't this it would have been something else and maybe that something else would not have made TV but it is my life and I know I have to live with it. I am just so happy to have great, supportive people around me. People make mistakes and some of those mistakes can do wonders to learn and grow from. I don't think I seem as airy as I was portrayed but all well.... I think being in a new situation just took me back especially since I knew no one. I didn't want to let anyone in. I felt that if I did, things I said would get thrown in my face and I would regret ever letting that person in. I think that certain pieces of my personality were played up. Which is fine because I know I am not a complete airhead and so do people who have actually had a conversation with me. Some people just can't hold a conversation with each other. We were all made different. When Flo attacked Natalie I was like way to get the ball moving! Man, I was far from surprised because Flo was over the girls "having sh*t to say." I was a smidge worried because we did have a pregnant girl on stage but maybe it smoothed out some of the bumps between their relationships. All I knew was if there was one fight there would be another "semi" physical incident. Aw, I was so happy to hear Amber was pregnant! I know that this child means the world to her already and I am beyond ecstatic for her. I would have actually liked to get to know Portia. Every time I had gotten to meet her, she seemed like a real down chick. I actually wish Portia would have been there when I was there. I don't think it would have been different if Natalie, Kate and Flo stayed in the house because I feel like the type of relationship everyone had in the house was set and how each girl felt about each other stayed constant. I mean I wish that each of the girls would have been able to see the end of the BGC house but I am sure they are loving life and partying it up. CHEERS!