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DEAR SUE: My partner wants to try anal sex but I am hesitant. Can we make it enjoyable and safe?
SUE SAYS: It seems to be a guy thing, very few females want to initiate anal sex, I think that guys are curious about it, talk about bum sex as the "last taboo", it is seen as more pleasurable since the rectum is a sphincter, (ring of muscle) and is tighter than the vagina. I also wonder if it is performed from a position of power, he has full control, she is in a submissive position, almost "me da man".

Before you agree to try anal sex, talk about it with your partner, outline your concerns and firmly establish some "bottom line" rules.

Anatomically, the bowel is a tube for excretion of solid body wastes, lined with mucous membrane and has two sphincters, one at the open end to prevent "accidents", the other up about 2 inches acting as a valve. You do not want to damage these sphincters, nor tear or puncture the thin mucous membrane because it does not heal very well. This may leave you vulnerable to a fissure or a fistula.

You can get STD's around the inside and outside of the rectum. These include Gonorrhea, Human Papilloma Virus, (genital warts), Herpes, syphilis and HIV/AIDS. Some of these are treatable, for others; there is no cure. So your concern must be for your safety.

That means; you must insist that he;
  • Must be gentle, no vigorous thrusting.
  • Must practice SAFER SEX, use a (fresh new) condom every time.
  • Must use lots of lubrication.
  • Must stop the minute you indicate you do not want to continue.
  • If there is any bleeding, do not continue.
  • "STOP", "OUCH" "NO" means now, he is out of there immediately.
To begin, he should roll a condom over two fingers, lubricate well and start by touching around the rectum till you relax and are comfortable with touch. Then he may gently insert one, then two well-lubricated fingers. When you are ok with that, he can, very gently insert his condom covered penis. Your rectum may go into spasm with this, so he must allow it to relax before he continues thrusting.

When he withdraws his penis from your rectum, he must hold onto the condom to prevent slippage. And he must use a new condom if you are going to continue with vaginal intercourse.

Anal sex is considered HIGH RISK sexual behavior, so you must practice SAFER SEX, USE A CONDOM EVERY TIME.

DEAR SUE, I can't find my G-SPOT, how can I locate it?... Go to Next Question »