Abraham on TGP 204: I want people to be inspired.

When Robert came into our dorms and announced that the theme this week was "Sexuality,” the first thought that ran through my mind was, “It's Abraham, b*tch.” I may not be the most sexual person in everyday life, but when it comes to putting on a show, I know that I can bring it. I was ready.

So many people have been asking about my hair, so here’s why I dyed it back to black. Last week, when Erik came to talk about our experiences with bullying, he had told me that he wanted to see “the real Abraham. He wanted to see me stripped of the red hair and theatrics. (How ironic because that's my YouTube channel name!) I know it's just hair dye and color contacts, but it was a really hard challenge for me to take on because I was still dealing with self-image issues. Being in this industry, everyone is so “perfect.” I mean, even just using Michael and Blake as examples: they're good-looking, fit, and charismatic white guys while I'm a flamboyant Asian guy. Of course I would feel the need to find other ways to pop within a room full of beautiful and talented people. Don't get me wrong, the red is definitely a part of my personality. However, going through Vulnerability week and the making of the “Everybody Hurts” video, I quickly realized that while I want to win this competition, I also want people to be inspired and reminded that they are not alone.

There are so many young Asian people out there who are looking for someone on their television screen they can to relate to. Stripping myself down to the bare essence of who I am helped me to realize this. It also made me open my eyes to the fact that I don't need to alter my physical appearance to pop out in a room filled with talented and beautiful people. The fire and spark I embody as a performer comes from within, so while dying my hair back to black was a challenge, it was something that helped me realize more of who I am. With that being said, will I dye my hair in the future? I'm pretty sure I will. I'm finally comfortable and confident in my own skin to do so. However, it will not come out of a need or pressure to do so. And people, it's just hair. I can dye it a bright shade of emerald green right now to look like a plant if I wanted to!

Throughout "Sexuality" week, the mentors noted that dying my hair really helped my performance and that I was noticeably more confident. While I do think that I grew a lot in terms of self-confidence and knowing who I am throughout Vulnerability week, I definitely feel as though going back to black (shout out to Amy Winehouse) was a means of improving my performance and self-confidence, not the sole reason behind it. As I said before, ultimately, it comes down to YOU and the shift is internal. You could dye my hair black, take away my contacts, and strip me of my clothes, but if I had not decided to really dig deep into myself and make a conscious decision to accept who I am and be confident in that, the confidence wouldn't have come. I mean, if you know of a hair dye that instills self-confidence, let me know! Not like I need it anymore, but yeah. 

NAYA! It was sort of a given that she would be our guest mentor. I mean, if there's any character of GLEE that embodies sexuality, it's Santana. Needless to say, I was very pleased to see her. She's as beautiful in real life as she is on-screen and she was so sweet. On top of that, she was a great guest mentor and gave incredibly helpful feedback about our individual and group performances. 

It's so funny because I wouldn't consider myself a very sexual person when it comes to everyday life, but there's something about when the spotlights come on (red, so it was just even sultrier, haha) that makes my inner sexpot come out. It was so much fun to perform the homework assignment song because 1) it was sung a capella, 2) it's just a great song and 3) it felt so liberating to be able to unleash my inner sexuality. I'm sure my mom's going to be thrilled when she sees this performance, HAHA - not.

Personally, I felt great about my performance in the homework assignment. I mean, there I am on a chair singing, going from person to person, even getting an inch away from Blake's lips at one point and closing the song off with “this is what I'll doooooooo.” I felt bold and free and Naya said that she loved my performance, so that was great to hear. It was so funny though because Naya just kept laughing the entire time, wondering what in the hell we were doing going around to every person and being all sexy haha. Plus, I could tell she really enjoyed it, so it was great to laugh along with her. This was probably one of my top two favorite performances of the season thus far (the other being “We Got The Beat”). 

When I heard that we would be doing a mashup of "Milkshake" and "Moves Like Jagger" for our music video performance, I was so excited and just heard that 'ding' in "Milkshake,”haha. Cue the inner-Kelis, right? Upon hearing the track, I was so excited because it was just so ridiculously good. I mean, you wouldn't think those two songs would go together, but it was just magic. Ugh, so good. It made being sexy so easy as we learned the choreography and shot the video. 

The bottom three ended up being Michael, Charlie and Tyler. First, let me say that I don't think Tyler should have been in the bottom three. Yes, he wasn't overtly sexual like Aylin or myself, but I mean, he isn't that type of sexy. He's much more internal and mysterious about his sexuality, so when you know his story and him as a person, you understand his performance in the video a lot more. The sexuality is obviously there, but regardless of what I thought, Tyler was in the bottom three this week. 

After the bottom three returned to the dorms this week, I was positive that Tyler wouldn't be sent home. I mean, the mentors had told him that this was the best performance that he's done so far, as well as the most emotional performance he's done, so I would consider that all really great feedback. And if I recall correctly, Michael knew all of… One line of the song? I mean, flubbing the lyrics is completely understandable, especially because we have 1-2 hours to learn an entire song, but I was pretty sure that forgetting nearly an entire song would warrant someone being sent home.

But I guess I was wrong because when we walked into the choir room, we found that Tyler had not been called back. In short, I was a wreck. Blake was just trying to comfort me and I pushed him away because I was just in denial. Tyler was one of my best friends in the house period, so it was incredibly devastating and difficult to say goodbye. I could not stop crying. As we said our goodbyes though, Tyler told me that I'd better win the competition. So with that, I promised him that I would. I swore to myself that I would carry his story along with mine as I continued on throughout this competition. It was the most difficult experience I had to go through during the competition up until that point, but I think it gave me an even greater fire to win this entire thing because it wasn't just about me anymore. And that makes it all that much important for me to win this.

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