Tyler on TGP 201: I am my biggest competition.
The first person I looked for when I got to the house was Abraham. We got close at callbacks and I knew he would to make it to the final 14. When I saw him in the house, I was so happy and excited that I would get to share this experience with a friend. As for everyone else, I was excited to get the competition started and see what everyone's strengths and stories were.
Going into the house, I didn't know anyone's personal background or upbringing, so I had no idea if them living with a transgender person would elicit a negative reaction. I didn't know if people would start using the wrong pronouns or if they would ask invasive questions about my body once they found out. I came into the house with the same worries I always have when I come out to people as transgender, but my worries were a little bit amplified since I knew there would be no avoiding anyone who would possibly treat me differently (because we would be living together 24/7).
My story is the biggest point that makes me stand out among the competition. I'm also the only contender currently going through puberty (Haha!). My voice and personality are very different from everyone else's, so that's also a plus. When I found out that there were 14 of us, as opposed to 12, I thought, "Well...2 more people to beat! Let's get started."
I knew the homework assignment was going to be "Born This Way" before Robert even announced it. It was the obvious choice for individuality week, and I was ready for it! I love Gaga, and it was definitely a plus that we were going to be performing a song that I was very comfortable with.
When Lea walked through those doors, I could not believe my life. This was our FIRST homework assignment and LEA MICHELE came in to mentor us! I was in shock and was so happy and excited and flustered and amazed. I got really emotional and started shaking and tearing up. To have someone I idolize 5 feet away from me, watching and critiquing my performance, was just indescribable.
Working with Zach and Brooke was fun, but also extremely intimidating for me because I'm not comfortable with dancing, nor do I look good while doing it. I was really concerned with looking like a fool and messing up the choreography, but I was also in awe of working with two incredible choreographers and dancers who are so great at what they do. I just wanted to do my best and constantly improve without discouraging myself.
I am my biggest competition. Dancing definitely intimidated me the most going into the competition. I've always been uncomfortable with dancing, and I've always been really slow to pick up dance moves, so even thinking about learning choreography was extremely intimidating for me. Getting comfortable with dancing and expressing myself through movement will definitely be my greatest challenge in this competition.
My one-on-one session with Nikki was awesome. I feel the most in my element when I'm in the studio. Nikki was a blast to work with, and I left the booth extremely happy to have made a good first impression with her.
I was extremely nervous and excited to shoot the first music video. I had no idea what to expect, because I had never been in a music video before, nor did I have any idea what it was going to be like to work with Erik White. Erik turned out to be amazing and incredibly nice, but going into the shoot, I was concerned about making a good first impression with him and the mentors.
I definitely was not comfortable with all of the dancing and messed up quite a few times. I was more concerned about slipping on the confetti and falling on my face than I was about getting all of the dance moves right and looking good while doing so. I knew that I wasn't performing at my best and I wasn't happy about it, but I could not get completely comfortable during the video shoot.
I was nervous and scared to be in the bottom three, but because I hadn't watched The Glee Project season 1 before competing, I didn't fully realize the weight of being given a Last Chance Performance. I was upset about not getting off to a great start in the competition and I was terrified of potentially being eliminated in the first week.
I hated my Last Chance Performance song ("ABC" by the Jackson 5). Do you know how old Michael Jackson was when he sang that song? He was a child! I might be going through puberty, but my voice is NOT that high! It's not a song I would ever choose to perform for an audience, let alone for Ryan Murphy. I tried to be positive about it, but I really did hate the song choice and I just didn't feel like myself during the performance. I didn't feel that I even had the opportunity to express my individuality while singing "ABC."
I was pretty devastated when Ryan said that he wasn't moved by my talent and that he didn't think that I was as talented as the rest of the contenders. I tried to brush it off and be positive, but it was a huge hit to my self-esteem and made me even more terrified of going home without showing Ryan the best of my abilities.
I am always happy when I get to talk to the mentors - especially when I get to share my story. Their support, curiosity, and willingness to understand make me incredibly happy.
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