America's Next Top Model

School Daze

It's Cycle 10 of America's Next Top Model, bitches. Yes, I really said 10. Our little girl is a woman now! Our traditional group of 35 semifinalists makes their way to L.A. for a little screening and training by Tyra and the Jays. In a tribute to Britney Spears, or Catholicism, or Mo'Nique, or perverts, the girls have to dress in school uniforms as they are put through their paces. The big news is that Marvita is back, and has apparently had some therapy. Note that I didn't say the therapy took. But she's had it. The photo shoot and initial runway test show us that most of them are pretty busted, and particularly Brooklyn artist Lauren, who is this season's awkward girl ugly duckling. Other standouts include Polish Cornell graduate Katarzyna, Dominique (whom the other girls call a transvestite before I even get the opportunity), Model Barbie Kim, Anya with the weird accent, the girl from Wisconsin who tries so hard to be memorable, Claire who drinks her own breast milk, Muhammad Ali's niece Shayla, plus-sized Whitney (another plus-sized Whitney!), and Fatima from Somalia.

Fatima has some problems with the other girls, which start when she tells the African-American contingent that they're ghetto. And, like, not ghetto in a good way. Shayla wants to use some of her uncle's skills on Fatima, while self-proclaimed bitch Shalynda bristles when Fatima asks if she can actually call her "bitch." Good times. All is forgiven later on when Fatima pulls the old "I was a victim of genital mutilation" card. Everyone empathizes with and comforts an emotional Fatima. Except, that is, for Marvita, whose months have therapy have taught her that this is the appropriate time to ask if Fatima feels like less of a woman. There's an initial cut down to 20, in which Shayla is most memorably given the boot, and then the girls have to go through one more photo shoot involving a fur stole to determine the final 13. Can someone please verify that that thing's not fake so that PETA can start throwing eggs at Tyra? Marvita, awkward Heather, Fatima, and a bunch of other bitches make it through, and then Tyra drops a bomb that you won't believe: this year there will be 14 finalists! That means good news for Dominique, which in turn is good news for the fake tanning industry. Let us pray for an especially bitchilicious season as the girls return to where they really belong: New York City!

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Another Day In Paradise

After six long seasons in cheerful, sunny California, the girls head back to New York. I can't tell you what a relief it is to see them on gray, grimy streets once again. We learn in short order that "kooky" Amy, upon Tyra's command that there could not be two girls with the same name in the competition, has changed her name to Amis. Well, it's no Wholahay. And I'm having a strange desire to rent a car right now. The ladies head to their new pad, which is filled with photos and quotes from past seasons, along with all the various causes that previous winners have stood for. Which, news to me, but let's go with it. There are two sleeping options: 1) a room with several bunk beds; 2) one giant bed. No one complains about it. Yet. The bitchery starts early as Fatima suggests to Amis that she might want to shut up and stop being such a clown all the time. Marvita takes note. A tour of the City leads the girls to Times Square, where they learn they will be taking part in an impromptu runway show for Badgley Mischka. Which, wow! No one has a great walk, but Marvita and Lauren stand out as being particularly terrible. Backstage, Fatima maybe/accidentally/unknowingly gives Marvita a tap on the face. Marvita takes note.

The girls head to Elite, where they get a brutally honest critique from none other than legendary supermodel Paulina Porizkova, whom they later learn will be replacing Twiggy in the end-of-table judging slot. Paulina tells Amis that she has zits, and Dominique that she looks like a tranny. I like her already. Later, Fatima tells Marvita that her face is smooshed. Marvita's response? "This ho is trippin'." I heart Marvita. The photo shoot for the week sees the girls dressing in their best Little Tramp costumes/skicaps to raise awareness about homelessness. Or, like, how one can still look fierce while eating garbage. They pose with actual homeless women, who totally show them up. The theme resonates with Fatima and Marvita, who make peace when they realize that they have similarly challenging pasts. Let's hope that peace is temporary. At Panel, several of the girls turn out pretty good photos, and then Kimberly, after hearing Miss J. compare her to a snotrag, shocks the room when she announces that she has no interest in fashion, doesn't believe in expensive clothes, and wants to leave. Tyra tears off Kimberly's head, eats it, and throws her bloody carcass onto Fifth Avenue. The other girls aren't off the hook, though, and Amis and Atalya land in the bottom two, with the unmemorable Atalya getting booted back to Brooklyn.

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We Know This World Is Killing You

It's makeover time! But before we even GET to the hair drama, Fatima strikes again! Upon getting a delivery of Applebottom jeans for all, Fatima tells Allison that her butt is the epitome of an "apple bottom," e.g. "big." She drives this point home by saying that Allison is "bigger in general." Allison, a "former" anorexic and current pill, really doesn't take this very well at all. Fatima is all, "What? Did little ol' me say something wrong again?" Allison later does a little role-playing with some ebony and ivory Barbie dolls, wherein Fatima Barbie has a padded ass because she's black. Uh, yeah. Though, granted, given some of the things that Fatima has encountered in her life, Allison could have done MUCH WORSE things in regard to that Barbie's nether regions. Fatima gets really offended, and the whole thing isn't made any better by the fact that they're sharing a giant bed with four other girls. The girls head back to the House of Wal-Mart for a makeup challenge with our friends from Cover Girl. Claire, who is generally pretty great, wins. No one really freaks out at the makeovers. Anya goes platinum blonde, Whitney and Amis get big blonde weaves, Aimee goes red, Marvita gets the Tyra-invented horse mane hair weave, Lauren gets some glamorous extensions, Katarzyna goes darker, Claire becomes a yellow-blonde and gets almost completely buzzed, Fatima gets a weave -- and okay, there is some complaining there, Allison goes lighter, Dominique gets a hideous bowl cut, and poor pretty Stacy-Ann looks like a brillo pad.

The photo shoot for the week sees the girls working with super-sweet Elle MacPherson as they model pieces from her lingerie line on a boat with New York City as a backdrop. While Fatima embraces her new glamorous look, Lauren still feels a little uncomfortable being pretty and girly. Despite thinking she's the greatest thing ever, Allison actually is stiff and vacant, and, despite thinking that she's fierce and high fashion Dominique is, as you might expect, a hot mess. They land in the bottom two and, much to her surprise and dismay, Allison gets the boot.

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Slaughterhouse Jive

This week sees the girls go from homelessness to blue-collar work, as they spend some time in a fire house and a meat-packing plant. First, at the fire station, they get a lesson in runway walking from Miss J. While Lauren clods, Fatima stomps, and Amis skips, Dominique flirts a little too hard and forces Miss J. to bend over in front of a poor firefighter by way of demonstration. Those men have seen a lot of things, but nothing quite like that. At home, Aimee, our former Mormon, is a bit conservative and so doesn't want to get buck nekkid in front of everyone. There's some drama when she calls the shower without giving consideration to the fact that others have to pee. Whitney defends Aimee, and for some reason becomes the villain in the mind of Fatima, who thinks she was stirring up sh*t. There were no fisticuffs and no playing with Barbies, however.

In this week's challenge, the girls walk in a fashion show for Tuleh. They have to dress themselves in the correct outfits as part of their task, and are judged by Seventeen editor-in-chief Ann Shoket and Season 8 winner Jaslene. There are a few wardrobe malfunctions. Fatima gets the buttons wrong on her sweater, but this is nothing compared to Whitney catwalking with an exposed boob. Lauren again walks like crap, causing Jaslene to ask if she even wants to be there during their critique. Lauren is upset and insulted, and quite rightly notes that she wouldn't put herself through all this sh*t if she didn't. Katarzyna wins, and she, Amis and Marvita get to shoot a Lot 29 editorial with Jaslene.

The photo shoot is one of the most salmonella-filled yet, as the girls are forced to wear beef carcass panties as they pose in a meat freezer. It's just as glamorous as it sounds. Lauren once again shows her editorial promise, and Whitney and Anya rock their beef drawers. Fatima and Amis aren't so lucky, as they land in the bottom two. Amis' case isn't helped by the weird, dorky headband and hoodie that she wears to panel, and she's given the boot.

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Top Model Takes It to the Streets

It's time for posing with the queens! The girls head to an abandoned warehouse, where they meet up with posing expert Benny Ninja -- also known, according to Dominique, as "the inventor of the vogue" -- and supermodel Vendela (also the host of Scandanavia's Next Top Model!) to learn about commercial, couture, and catalogue posing. While Lauren and Marvita struggle, Benny and Vendela are fans of Dominique, which causes her to refer to herself in the third person even more. Great. We get the season's first incident involving the phone, as Dominique misses her phone time as determined by a list that Whitney organized. Dominique's negligence is at fault according to Whitney, but that's not how Dominique sees it, and they argue. Whitney twitches her head at Dominique, which is further cause for Dominique's ire. She thinks Whitney's being disrespectful, but Whitney points out that she has no reason to respect Dominique. I guess they both get a point for that one. After Whitney questions her education, Dominique calls her racist, and Whitney busts out the old white-person favorite, "My best friend is black." Dominique has the last word when she says Whitney looks like she's thirty and acts like she's twelve. No, wait, the last word goes to Whitney, who asks for Saran Wrap. Good one? The week's challenge involves a team posing battle in Brooklyn, where Dominique is able to reconnect with her people, the drag queens. Lauren redeems herself and kicks some ass, and the drag queens wave their fingers at her, which I think is the highest compliment. Fatima pulls out all the stops as she battles Whitney, which means that Whitney gets a crotch in her face. The best poser of all, however, is Claire, and she wins the challenge and a trip to Bora Bora. Her team gets some free swag, and you know Marvita is juiced.

Speaking of Marvita, the competition is starting to get to her, and she retreats a bit and loses some confidence. She wonders if she's too ghetto for the world of modeling. Well, if you listen to Fatima, she is. Guess that uneasy truce is over. The photo shoot for the week has girls getting close-ups of their faces, which have some extreme, colorful makeup, paint splatters, and hats made of random plastic wedges. It's a theme that makes about as much sense as any of the other shoots they do. Marvita has serious problems, and Jay correctly guesses that she's checked out of the competition for reasons of boredom or intimidation. At panel, Tyra gets to demonstrate "dead eyes," which we all know is her favorite thing to do! Dominique pulls out a great photo, Whitney disappoints, and after the judges notice the beard on her armpit, Fatima is forced to confess that she doesn't shave. Fatima's photo is gorgeous, though, so she gets a pass. This leaves Whitney and Dominique in the bottom two. The judges think that Whitney wants it more, so she gets a photo. Marvita, meanwhile, is sent back to the hood. It's a sad day for everyone who was hoping we'd get to see a genuine punch in the throat before the season's end.

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Here Comes The Pain Again

With Lauren's confidence still on the wane and Claire's breast milk drying up, no one has the damn patience to deal with Dominique's alarm going off way before anyone really needs to get up. There is a big-ass early morning fight with Claire leading the charge and Whitney and Lauren providing necessary backup. Even Anya hates Dominique, so you know she must be a real pill. Later on Dominique tries to sleep because she's feeling sick, but the other girls keep her awake by talking about her. While she's in the room! It's crazy. We learn that Claire has a lot of attitude for a global warrior of the earth. Tyra pops up as the girls' limo driver, then forces them to put on bright red leggings and T-shirts and head to the dance studio to practice their runway walks. On one pass across the floor Tyra stumbles and sprains her ankle. But it's all -- wait for it -- ACTING! And a way to teach the girls the secret modeling trick of pretending that you have menstrual cramps when you're out of other ideas. I'm doing it right now and I'm so pretty, I can't even tell you. Lauren blanks out and Claire loses her face, but the other girls do pretty well. Tyra administers a pose-off, and the girls later learn that their teach was actually a challenge! Anya was the best poser of all, and wins an afternoon naked in bed with Nigel. You know who's glad she didn't get that prize? Aimee, who really doesn't want to take her secret Mormon underpants off for anyone.

The photo shoot for the week sends the girls to Williamsburg, Brooklyn, where they each embody a specific style of music. Some girls play against type, as Katarzyna rocks an edgy emo style (getting the judges to promise her a new, choppy haircut for next week), Lauren works a plastic Britney-style butt-cheek-exposing pop getup, Dominique poses as an ethereal folk goddess, and Whitney goes grunge. Claire struggles to find her inner Dolly Parton as the country girl, while Aimee is at a loss as to how to present herself as an R&B diva. They land in the bottom two. In the end, Claire is spared, and Aimee is sent back to Utah or Mitt Romney's house or wherever she came from. But the best thing about this elimination? Hearing Tyra pronounce the "g" in "singer."

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If You Can't Make It Here, You Can't Make It Anywhere

It's early go-see week! But first, the sloppy sluts engage in some coffee making. Fatima has some coffee in the press, and apparently Lauren throws it out. Or maybe there really wasn't that much coffee in there in the first place. In any case, this is all a demonstration in Lauren actually having a secret load of stank, as she makes a fresh batch and tells Fatima to choke on it. And more! Awesome. The girls head to Elite, where they are broken into two go-see teams and get a GPS cell phone to help them navigate, as they'll have to walk the whole time. Team one is Claire, Dominique, Whitney and Stacy-Ann. We'll call them, "Team Happiness and Harmony, Until the Alarm Clock Goes Off." Team two is Lauren, Fatima, Katarzyna and Anya. We'll call them, "Frankenstein and the U.N." The teams first head to Pamella Roland, where Whitney gets confirmation that size 10 = hoss. Then again, Fatima is too skinny for Pamella Roland, so maybe the bitches are just like my mother: never satisfied. Whitney fares better at a go-see with Shoshanna Gruss, formerly known as Jerry Seinfeld's jailbait girlfriend. She actually likes to use different body types in her runway show, so Whitney regains some of her hoss confidence, much to the chagrin of Dominique. Lauren retains her Lurch-like quality throughout all the go-sees, including the final one with Alice + Olivia. Team Happiness and Harmony, Until the Alarm Clock Goes Off wins, with Stacy-Ann booking the most jobs of all the girls. They get to shoot a summer beauty story for Seventeen. The photo shoot for the week is kicked off by Jay running on a giant treadmill then busting through a big wall of cardboard boxes. Anya thinks he looks like a silver robot, because on her planet everyone is orange-blind. Turns out the whole shoot is inspired by a whack-ass theater troupe called Fuerza Bruta, and the girls will have to flop around -- with no hair and makeup -- in some big, suspended plastic thingy filled with water. Claire does a face plant into the plastic thingy, and has to take a minute to assess whether she has actually done some damage to her head and neck. Katarzyna gets a haircut and cries, but then gets over it. And generally everyone is all squishy and wet.

The judges are infused with the spirit of Simon Cowell this week, as Paulina references Katarzyna's weird Easter European tackiness and Miss J. calls her "Neutrogena," and Nigel says it looks like Dominique styled her hair with semen. Fatima excels and Whitney looks like a sonogram -- a fierce sonogram. It's Lauren's weakest shoot to date, and she winds up in the bottom two with Claire, who is becoming one-note and, it must be said, kind of annoying. In the end, Lurch wins out and Claire heads back to her family with only some powdered milk and a broken neck for her troubles. Toodles.

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Top Model 10 Confidential

Previously on ANTM: Claire became the seventh bootee, and everyone needed a little break. So it's time for the annual clip show! We'll learn about Claire's lactose-loving ways, Marvita's magic hands, and some kind of big bed model wrasslin'. Expect to learn some new facts, in the "all birds are blind" vein. So, as you might remember, the season started at Top Model Prep, where 35 hopefuls had to endure Miss J. in a bow tie. And they also apparently had to endure Modeling 101 with Mr. Jay and his orange chesticles. Oh wait! The class is actually called "Expressions 101." Doesn't that sound like a Designer Imposters parfum? The modeling industry, Jay tells his pupils, is all about selling imagery. And we do that with our faces. [Potes raises hand.] Um, Mr. Jay, can we also sell imagery with...images? [Mr. Jay sends Potes to the office.] Jay has each girl take out their mirrored composition books -- Marvita is like, "They did not allow this sh*t in juvie," -- to study their faces. He asks them to give him a look of horror. I've been doing that for eight straight seasons. Do I get an automatic A? Marvita tells us that she looks in the mirror all the time, but it usually has more to do with dancing naked than with posing. We'll see some visual evidence related to this later on. Jay then asks the girls to growl like a lion, and then to look like they just tasted a sour lemon. Dominique confesses to us that in her day-to-day life, when she's cooking for example, she'll stop and think how she'd pose if she were in an ad. For some reason with Dominique I think the ad would always be for maxi-pads with wings. She just has that fresh and free look about her, I guess. Modeling, she continues, is about being a real person. A real, IQ-challenged person.

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The Unfriendly Skies

There is drama ahoy this week as Fatima, who is not a U.S. citizen and thus can't leave the country, starts thinking that maybe since the big Top Model trip abroad is probably imminent she should get her visa and passport. And I mean, I'm totally a procrastinator, but that is some crazy stuff. As she worries and feels that the chances of getting her travel documents approved are not all that great, Lauren slices off the top of her finger while cutting onions. She has to go to the ER and get stitches, which curbs her rageoholic tendencies a bit.

Paulina visits the girls to train them on how to impress people at parties and give a decent interview. She role plays as a high-falutin' partygoer named Mrs. Dubois, and an annoying reporter (think any of the doofi from E!). The girls must put their skills to use at a party for designer Jay Godfrey and delicious soft drink 7UP. Jay outfits all the girls, and it is only Dominique who can't remember who designed her dress on the green carpet. Whitney probably wants to forget, as her boobs are on some kind of crazy rotating display in her blue trash bag of a dress. In a surprise twist, Anya is the best interviewee/mingler of all! She gets to be in an ad for 7UP that features her naked in a big vat of lemons and limes. Anya wins all the challenges where someone has to pose naked. She gets paid for her troubles, to the tune of $10,000. That will buy a lot of Hooked on Phonics!

The girls get a Tyra Mail telling them to pack their bags, and they think their trip to the country of Foreignia is nigh. However, it turns out that they're actually doing a group shot at the airport, in which they're all running to catch a plane on the runway. Because of FAA regulations, or drama-inducing regulations, the girls have to be off of the tarmac by 3:00 p.m. This poses a problem for Fatima, who has an appointment with the consulate at 9:00 a.m. She leaves the photo shoot, and Jay is a bit peeved. She does end up getting her documents approved, but does not make it back in time to get her photo taken. To make things worse, there's a surprise immediate elimination in the airplane hangar, and Fatima has to face Tyra's wrath as she stands in her sad, puffy jacket and bare face while the other girls look super cute in their mod clothes from the shoot. Her lack of a photo lands her in the bottom two with the perennially underperforming Stacy-Ann. The judges decide that Fatima's overall portfolio is better, so she gets to stay. Or, should I say, she gets to go, as the girls immediately board a plane to Rome! Stacy-Ann offers to go as the staff lap dance artist, but surprisingly no one takes her up on it.

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The Sistine Crappel

The girls arrive in Rome and, after receiving their Tyra Lisa Mail, head to their new house which features a pool, lots of artwork, red couches, and pink beds. The pink beds are of particular interest to Fatima, who is sick with some sort of Italian plague. When she stays in bed during dinner, the other girls -- particularly Dominique -- take the opportunity to talk smack about her. Anya, of course, is the exception and walks away from the cattiness to bring Fatima some chicken. Fatima doesn't want the chicken. But nice try, Anya. Meanwhile, Lauren's rudeness is getting to the other girls, and Whitney suspects that she's over the competition. The week's challenge sees the girls trying to impress designer Gai Mattiolo with their ability to replicate a fashionable Italian woman. First, each girl is treated to an Italian makeover, which really means a shiny new outfit. Gai is not exactly what you'd expect -- he's like a Baldwin brother crossed with Danny DeVito. But he manages to say something nice about each girl who walks before him, including catwalking-impaired Lauren, who has beautiful legs. A fresh-looking Anya wins the challenge and receives a red carpet event gown. As Anya has been cleaning up on the challenges, this causes some jealousy.

The photo shoot for the week is actually a commercial for the Cover Girl Queen Collection. In Italian. There are lots of very red lips and leopard print, and everyone generally looks like an extra from La Dolce Vita. Anya is totally lost but looks hot, Katarzyna is competent but a little boring, Dominique looks like Pagliacci, Lauren dreads the whole thing for good reason, Fatima rocks it despite her illness, and Whitney is so fake that Jay is forced to call her "bitcherina." The judging for the week is highly entertaining, as Tyra (who looks super hot) busts out the word "dookie" as she describes Anya's performance. Everyone laughs out loud at Dominique's commercial, but it's Whitney and Lauren who end up in the final two. In sad times, Lauren goes home with the stellar advice to stick to print work.

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Are You Not Entertained?

As the final five continue their tenure in Rome, Fatima thinks she's all that while Katarzyna is universally considered to be the dullest dullard in Dullsville. The girls arrive at ancient ruins where they see gladiators -- including one lady gladiator! -- duking it out. They get some lessons in gladiatorocity, and learn how to fight with composure, elegance and fierceness using giant popsicle sticks. They change into gladiatrix attire thinking that their challenge might entail another pose-off, and so are surprised when they see the Jays, who tell them that this is a photo challenge. They each get five frames in which to be tough-pretty while wielding a sword against a very muscly armored man named Ferdinando. Fatima totally forgets all of her gladiator moves, while Dominique tries out some crazy body language. The winner of the challenge is Whitney, and she gets 1000 euro to spend on a shopping spree. She can either pick a friend or go by herself, but does the nice thing and shares her wealth with Anya.

The girls head to a castle and get dressed up like a bunch of crazy, frizzy-haired hos in a Renaissance meets rock n' roll themed shoot. That is photographed by Tyra. The greatest novice photographer in the history of the world! Her vision for the shoot is "Renaissance Italian woman who went to the club on Sunset Boulevard." Katarzyna doesn't quite get it, and manages to be dull even while walking like an Egyptian. Dominique is a fierce Cruella de Vil. She looks great, but still gets on everybody's damn nerves. Fatima and Anya work it, while Tyra has to give Whitney a lesson in dealing with her boobs. At panel, Tyra takes credit for all the good photos, because it's all about her! She used artificial light for the first time! Are you as amazed at her intuitive brilliance as I am? Anya and Fatima get raves, as does Dominique, to the surprise of everyone. In the end, it's Katarzya and Whitney in the bottom two, with Katarzyna predictably being sent home.

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Just Shoot Me

It's the final four! The girls are still in Rome, and while Whitney is glad she's survived another week and Anya and Fatima are feeling confident, Dominique is annoying all the other girls by eating all the time and being generally kind of tiresome. Whitney, Anya and Fatima speak for us all when they express their surprise that she's still in the competition. The girls head to a park, where they meet Paulina and a photographer who gives them some tips about the perspective from behind the lens. They have to take their new learning and shoot a real, live model -- Paulina herself! The girls each get five minutes to photograph her, and are judged both on how well they work with their model and how their photos turn out. Fatima and Whitney are both decent photographers and manage to direct Paulina in a pleasant and professional way, while Dominique lacks vision and Anya, like, makes Paulina throw a bunch of leaves in the air and generally needs to narrow her focus and stop being such a bubblehead. Fatima is the winner, and she gets an additional 50 frames for the week's photo shoot.

And speaking of the photo shoot, this week the girls are being photographed at night while dressed as sexy 50's movie stars, photographed with their hunky male companion by the paparazzo. And Nigel is the photographer! It's a tough shoot for everybody. Anya struggles until Jay distracts her and she slips. She lucks into a good shot, which is better than any of the other girls do. Whitney struggles with her usual problem of being too posey. Fatima stinks it up even with her extra fifty poses. She seems lost, and also isn't responsive to Nigel's on-set critique or what the judges say at panel. She begins to talk about how weird it was to pose with a guy since she's never had a boyfriend, which leads to the greatest Tyra quote of the episode, and perhaps the season: "I've never been an aborigine, or a circus ringmaster, or even a geisha -- and it never stopped me." She's a true heroine for the ages, with all that she's overcome. Dominique gets an extra large side of tranny in her photo, and still has no idea how to dress. She lands in the bottom two with Fatima. In the end, Dominique goes home and is actually a really good sport about the whole thing.

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My Heart Belongs to Fatty

It's the America's Next Top Model finale! Wait, make that the HISTORICAL America's Next Top Model finale. With three girls left in Rome, it's time for the usual Cover Girl commercial and ad. Thankfully, this time the commercial is in English, and the girls get their lines the night before, so there's none of the mispronunciation/cue card madness. The girls are understandably stressed. Anya in particular seems to be feeling the pressure and displays an emotion other than bubbleheadedness and light for once. Season 9 winner Saleisha comes back to cheer the girls on as they shill for mascara, and seems content in the knowledge that her reign of torpor is coming to an end. Nobody's commercial is particularly good or particularly disastrous, and the same can be said for the photos. Despite Paulina saying that she looks stupid in her photo, Anya is called first, thus making it through to the final two. It comes down to Fatima and Whitney and, despite really being the prettiest, Fatima gets sent home with the cold comfort that she's an inspiration to a lot of girls out there.

With Fatima out of the way, Anya and Whitney get ready for the final runway show. And let me tell you, it's pretty exciting. There are no ghost brides or dangerously close locals on stilts this year, but there isVERSACE! I kept waiting for a Nomi Malone "It's Ver-SAYCE" moment, but it didn't happen. Ditto with a Donatella appearance, although we're told that she hand-selected the garments. The runway show for once looks like an actual runway show and not like the production crew hijacked a street fair where the local onlookers could care less. Anya looks a bit stilted as she walks, in part because of an extremely tight ankle-length dress that restricts her movement while Whitney flounces and bounces in a pink "First Plus-Sized America's Next Top Model Barbie" dress. And indeed, Whitney wins! It's a victory for every girl out there who's ever savored a good ham sandwich.

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