40 Things You Can Get Away With After a Bad Breakup
Yes, you can eat the whole box.
We’ve all been through it. Whether you’re dumped – or even if you did the dumping, getting over an ex isn't easy to do. You lived, you laughed and you loved…and now comes the hard part of dealing with the fact that it’s done. At least there’s solace in the fact that for the next few weeks, you’re in the clear to indulge in plenty of slightly selfish behavior. Cheer up, buttercup. It gets better.
1. Weeping behind huge sunglasses during your commute home.
2. Listening to “Irreplaceable” on repeat #totheleft #totheleft.
3. …Or any pre-Blue Ivy Beyoncé, really.
4. Holding court at brunch to bitch to your friends.
5. Hogging a whole pitcher of bottomless mimosas at said brunch.
6. Doubling up on breakfast burritos to soak up all the alcohol.
7. Taking a slightly drunken neighborhood stroll to burn off your brunch calories…around his apartment building.
8. Coming up with a lame excuse to skip Saturday night cocktails with the girls.
9. …To order takeout and watch Season 2 , Episode 12 of Sex and the City (The one where Big chose Paris over Carrie, ugh!)
10. Logging on to take Buzzfeed’s “Are You a Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte or Miranda” quiz in between episodes.
11. Flirting with the Seamless delivery guy as a practice to get back into the game.
12. Texting the Seamless delivery guy…because you never know when love will find you, you know?
13. Posting the Seamless delivery guy’s number to HeAintSh**.com when he doesn’t text you back (A**hole.)
14. Sending up a special prayer for the arrival of Mr. Right at Mass.
15.Praying that your ex misses every bus, plane and train that he attempts to take for the rest of his life.
16.Asking for forgiveness for praying that shady prayer (The man above will understand).
17. Finding comfort in comfort food – namely, mom’s meatloaf at Sunday dinner.
18. Making your sister do all of the dishes – because you’re too hurt to help out.
19. Crying yourself to sleep, without the huge sunglasses.
20. Calling in “dumped” to work (Kidding. Don’t let a douche come between your dollars!).
21. Littering your social media feeds with memes about karma being a bitch.
22. Captioning your meme with “Just gonna leave this here…good night.”
23. Linking to a sappy, soulful song about how you feel…in case he happens to be creeping.
24. Taking a cursory glance at his profile, just in case his status update refers to you.
25. Tinkering with the idea of unfriending him, since there isn’t one — and since he’s OBVIOUSLY over it.
26. Blocking his number to resist the urge of sending a “plz take me back” text.
27. Unblocking him two minutes later in case he sends a “plz forgive me” text.
28. Rereading old conversations and softly chuckling at the cute inside jokes you shared with him.
29. Deleting every text, voice memo, Twitter mention and Facebook message that shows his sweeter side.
30. Giving in and glancing at the screenshots of the texts, mentions and messages saved in your camera roll #thnksfrthmmrs.
31. Trashing all of his leftover books and boxers at your place.
32. …Except for that one special t-shirt that you sleep in.
33. Reactivating your old online dating profile.
34. Responding to every single message in the spirit of getting over it.
35. Left swiping the guys who look like your old one.
36. …As well as the ones who like the same books, movies, clothing labels and music as him.
37. Following up your friends’ offer for after-work cocktails and cruising for men at the bar.
38. Going out on the occasional date – you gotta get back out there at some point.
39. Drying your tears and tossing the huge glasses.
40. Settling with the fact that love – or like – isn’t a one-time thing. If it’s happened once, it’ll happen again !