5 Awesome Comebacks For Your High School Diary
Gel pens optional.
Ah, the good old days. Just kidding. High school mostly sucks. You aren’t quite sure who you are, you have all kinds of dreams about who you want to be, and you’re still going through phases to see what sticks. Guys, remember goth? What didn’t we use as eyeliner? Whether you kept a diary of key high school events or not, take a walk with me down memory lane as we review highlights of the everyman’s High School Diary, complete with the comebacks you wish you could have given to your high school self. If you're reading this and you're under 18, strap in for some truth bombs.
1. My Life Is Over
To be fair, one of the last parts of the human brain to develop is the part that understands perspective relative to time. Chemically, it really does feel like your life is about to end. Spoiler alert: it gets better, and in six months, no one will give a sh*t about what you wore to prom. Also, just for the record, I looked baller at prom. Like, baller.
2. Obsessive Lists of Practice Signatures as Mrs. (Your Crush Here)
The first cut is the deepest. Puppy love may feel like the purest and most overwhelming love you’ll ever experience, but that doesn’t mean it’s real. Throw in proper parental chaperoning and high school romance becomes the bumper bowling of dating. Some of you might make it work with your HS sweetie, and if you do, good for you. For the rest of us, if we’re still single in 10 years, there’s always the reunion with an open bar that just might be the spark that you and Mr. Right were missing all along.
3. Parents Just Don't Understand
No, they get you, they just know you’re wrong and are choosing to make a better decision for you. Most parents have their fair share of f*-ups, and yours are surely no exception. Once you get far enough away from your teens to realize you were looking at the world through a kaleidoscope of hormones and self discovery, you’ll give your parents slightly more credit than you once thought they deserved.
4. I Think I Might Be Gay
Yeah, you totally might be. More likely, though, you’re just somewhere on the spectrum with the rest of us. About one in ten of us grow up to self-identify as gay. For the record, one in four women will end up with HPV, so that’s a significantly more logical concern. We all experiment at some point. Remember slumber parties? Katy Perry didn’t kiss a girl and like it because she knew it would get her ratings. Oh, wait… never mind.
5. I’ll Show Them!!!
Sure, we all believe that ten years after high school, we’ll fly back to our reunions in a helicopter and I-told-you-so all the bullies who got us down and are now living in their parents’ basement while we're rich, powerful, famous, and have a super hot significant other. You'll come to learn that envy may be a great motivator, but it also ruins your ability to take pride in your own accomplishments. We’ll all just grow up on our own time and realize that we could've been nicer, more confident, and less anxious in our youth. If all else fails and you can’t find a way to let go, become a YA novelist. They’ll totally get where you’re coming from.