Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg are hosting a new dinner party show on television. That isn’t a joke. It’s a real thing, and it’s amazing. This isn’t even an “odd couple” type of show. They’re both chill celebrities who sometimes take the law as more of a suggestion than a hard line—and that doesn’t even matter, because they’ve spent more time rolling around in all their dollar bills than they’ve spent in prison. They’re rich. That’s what they have most in common, and I’m happy television producers have thrown some money at them because I really want to see this show. But I have some suggestions as to what I think they should cook. And guess what? None of these things will include prison hooch. That is old news. We get it. Martha Stewart made wine with her commissary pillowcases or whatever. Cool. Here's a few much better suggestions:
1. . Martha Stewart Should Make Snoop Dogg Fancy Edibles
One look at Martha Stewart lets us all know she is down. The lady looks like she gets home from a long day at the fishmonger or Neiman Marcus or whatever and lights up a fat one. Look at her eyes. I can tell. But why go with boring basic edibles made with brownie mix or whatever? This lady is the queen of fancy entertaining. She’s going to need to get creative. Throw that ish in a trifle. Put it in some butter and slather it on a lobster roll. Shove it in a bundt cake with some buttercream and seasonal berries. Get gourmet.
2. . Snoop Dogg Should Make Martha Stewart Corn Doggs
You cannot tell me that there is a wealth of dog puns that have been overused with this man’s name. Why stop now? Why stop the madness when you can have a delicious treat such as a corn dog? Corn dogs are delicious. They remind me of being young and fancy free at a carnival. I’d like to see Martha Stewart eating one with spicy mustard. I’d like to see Snoop Dogg use a deep fryer. A lot of great images, here.
3. . They Should Both Make BBQ Side Dishes
Can you imagine a joint barbecue with Snoop Dogg and Martha Stewart? The food would be a mishmash of delight. The sides would be incredible and varied and quite delicious. Listen, I’m biracial and cookouts mean two VERY different things on each side of my family. One employs lots of dancing and eating out of Solo Cups in which they write your name on them in Sharpie. The other puts potato salad in glass bowls. It's a different experience. I would love to combine them and do the electric slide in harmony. I would like to see these two interpretations together—on television. It would be fun for me.
4. . Snoop Dogg Should Make Gin And Juice For Martha Stewart
A simple recipe, but an important one. Let’s go all in. Let’s get them drinking some strong alcoholic beverages and then they can try to cook. I would love to see Martha Stewart cooking a salmon hash while drinking elderflower gin and peach juice. She’d start to hiccup. Then she’d go all in on what she thinks about Rachael Ray. I would love to hear her true feelings on Ina Garten and the Food Network and BLOGGERS. I imagine it would be an enlightening experience. I also imagine Snoop makes a pretty decent gin and juice. Call it a hunch.
5. . Martha Stewart Should Bake Snoop Dogg A Cake That Looks Like Iggy Azalea
There’s not much more to say about that old beef. But I would still love to see Snoop giggle with delight as she rolls in a cake that looks exactly like Iggy, and then she can go “do you want to eat it?” and he just knocks it on the ground and everybody hugs and squeals and laughs with delight.
[Photo: Getty Images]