I hate cats. Always have, always will. While some of us are happy to leave well enough alone, some of us would rather get science on our side and try to convince everyone that we are right. It is thus-forth, that I offer to you now 9 Reasons why dogs are better than cats, and also a couple of interesting facts that are tangentially relevant.
1. Dogs are domesticated. Cats "stick around."
Humans and cats have what is best called a “marriage of convenience.” The original barter was we give them food and they keep away mice, and that worked well enough that cats got used to sticking around. Dogs, on the other hand, are full blown domesticated. Proof: while dogs have changed physically over time to show signs of domestication (floppy ears and initiating eye contact) cats have changed not at all. Cats share space with humans, but are not tied to them for survival, which is the definition of “domesticated.” That’s why ferrel cats are a thing in our country but ferrel dogs mostly are not.
2. Cats are meatheads.
Dogs are omnivores, meaning they can eat anything. In theory, they could even live off an entirely plant-based diet, though doing that is HIGHLY not recommended. Cats are obligate carnivores, meaning their nutritional needs are only meet by meat. Looks like cats do know if it’s not bacon.
3. Only cats will use you for rent control.
Dogs are pack animals, so their relationship is with whomever they consider their “alpha.” This makes them significantly easier to train than cats because they are genuinely rewarded by attention from the alpha, so they are more willing to sit, stay and roll over. Cats are solo hunters, so they form closer bonds with their space rather than with other animals. They’re happy being left alone as long as their physical space remains the same.
4. Dogs love their owners. Cats infect them with a brain disease.
Dogs release oxytocin when they see their owners, aka the “love hormone.” Humans also release oxytocin when they see their dogs. We know this because we have put both of them in MRIs and measured. The dog brain when it sees its master looks very much like a baby’s brain when it sees its parent. Also, people who have a history of owning cats show a decreased release of oxytocin when they interact with animals, ostensibly because their hearts have been hardened, and they have learned to anticipate rejection.
Cats, by contrast, release Toxoplasma gondii in their feces. It’s a tiny little germ that creates the illusion of love between cats and their owners but was originally intended to affect their prey. Infected humans rarely develop harmful symptoms, though new studies link it to mental illnesses such as bipolar disorder. 60 million people in the United States may be infected with the Toxoplasma parasite. It’s the reason why pregnant women can’t touch cat litter.
5. Humans are way more likely to be allergic to cats than dogs.
6. Dogs have 42 teeth. Cats only have 30.
7. Dogs are the only non-primate animal to look people in the eyes.
8. More people own dogs.
9. Cats eat your face when you die.
It's true. Cats won't hesitate to eat your lifeless body after just a day or two of going hungry. Thank you, and goodnight.