Friends With Benefits: Your Guide To Doing It Right
If you do friends with benefits right, then it just might work. And when it does work, it will be glorious.
There are lots of reasons why being friends with benefits shouldn’t be done. Oxygen’s Last Squad Standing, premiering Nov. 1 at 9/8c, explores the complicated fragility of friendship, which, when coupled with sex, can open up a whole can of worms. But if you do friends with benefits right—that is to say, if you’re mature enough to be honest and open, without any pettiness—then it just might work. And when it does work, it will be truly glorious.
Some might say that having a successful “friend with benefits” is about leaving feelings out of it. But feelings are unavoidable, and kind of essential in all relationships. It’s more about knowing which feelings to include and which to curb in order to avoid high drama. If you can manage some simple things, you’re on course for a regular booty call, which is hard to come by in the high turnover stakes of dating in the Tinder age. So if you’re think you’re ready to embrace a relationship of friends with benefits, here’s your guide to doing it right...
1.. Be With Someone You Like
Have you ever had sex with someone you don't like? It's not really pleasant. Your friend with benefits should be someone you like. It’s a misnomer that casual sex can only be with someone you’re not actually that keen on. Liking the person you’re with makes the sex all the more explosive, and the time you spend together more than just bearable small talk.
2.. Keep It Very, Very Casual
At the same time you should like the person you’re sleeping with, you should also only like them enough that you’re happy just to see them once a week. Any more than that and you’re dating and things start to get complicated. If you want to have a strictly no strings attached sexual relationship with someone, you have to keep it very casual. Sure you can get dinner before or a drink afterward, you can talk, you can cuddle in bed, but you also have to keep it isolated to pre-agreed upon meetings, and those meetings must be sparse.
3.. Separate Feelings And Sex
Feelings are okay. Don’t try and not have any feelings. That’s unrealistic. Just know how to separate them from sex. Actively acknowledge that your friend is someone you just want to sleep with casually. Remind yourself you don’t want to actually date them (after all, if you did want to date, you’d be dating, wouldn’t you?). Try not to let any of your insecurities, petty jealousies, or irrational thoughts permeate the sexual relationship. Keep it simple and compartmentalized. If you can’t, maybe you need to reassess and think about if you’re happy just to be casual or if maybe you want something more.
You can’t have friends with benefits--or any other type of relationship at all, really--without communication. Be open and honest and discuss what you feel, what your needs are, and where your limitations are. Listen to your friend tell you the same. The more you communicate, the easier it will be to establish the meaning of your friends with benefits arrangement, and avoid any conflicts that might arise from a miscommunication.
5.. Show Consideration
The most important thing you can do is be considerate. If you’re going to be friends with benefits you have to do it with respect. If you make a time to meet stick to it--don’t cancel at the last second because something “better” suddenly came up. Be aware that your friend has feelings too, and don’t be callous with them. Generally, treat each other with kindness and understanding, and you’ll be able to have a fruitful friends with benefits experience. [Lead Photo: Pexels]