Happy National Kale Day! We know we're supposed to celebrate kale today but we just can't. We're so over you, kale. You're gross, weird looking and you make smoothies taste terrible. Consider this our breakup.
Kale has gone from humble garnish to main dish— and it's total hype. In 2011, Gwyneth Paltrow made kale chips on The Ellen Show and all of a sudden, you went from garbage disposal to main course. Ooh check out its Vitamin A! My my...look how much Vitamin K it's working with. It's like the head cheerleader started dating you and we all took notice. You're overrated and you know what? Chips were just fine with potato before you came along. Also, you smell.
Soon, you started showing up as the main base in salads, much to the envy of lettuce. We let that slide because, whatever, salads usually taste terrible. But you took things too far when you infiltrated our sweet friends. Kale smoothies, kale juices and yes, kale ice cream. You couldn't have stayed in the crisper?
But running through the entire kitchen cabinet wasn't enough. Oh no. You wanted to be famous. You put your stupid face on t-shirts, stickers and jewelry. Poor Beyonce couldn't resist your charms. Madonna questioned your sexuality. You're Instagram famous.
Well, we're taking Beyonce back and our lives back too. Kale season is over. It's back to the cutting table for you.