Mike Tyson, You Are So Rich, Why Didn't You Just Pay For Your Ice Cream?
We live in a society with rules, Michael!
Mike Tyson! Just because you are a champion athlete, a very intimidating man, and incredibly wealthy doesn't mean you can steal food! Especially ice cream— pay for it like everyone else!
Apparently, you - Mike Tyson - were at the U.S. Open this weekend when you were hit with a mighty craving. For some ice cream. We've all been there, right?
But you, Mr. Tyson, you just straight up walked to the freezer and took a five dollar and fifty-cent delicious dairy comestible and you did not pay! You can't do these things! We live in a civilized society, Michael!
But because you are a famous athlete, Mike, no one stopped you. Isn't that messed up?
“I was like, ‘Are you serious? Am I imagining this?’ [Tyson] was like, ‘I feel like having an ice cream’ and he just took it,” said a stunned worker to the New York Post, adding, “What are you going to do, fight him? He’s Mike Tyson.” Good point, diligent employee.
“Oh, it’s Mike Tyson, let it go,” said a different employee who briefly considered actually enforcing the circumscribed set of rules our society has agreed to obey. Mr. Tyson, are you an anarchist?!
“It shows his character. He doesn’t seem bothered by what he did,” said another worker. “It doesn’t surprise me, though, given his background. Mike Tyson is not the most upstanding citizen.”
Mike! Even your publicist got involved in this kerfuffle: “There was a misunderstanding,” she said. “Mike got the ice cream and was going to have the host pay for it as he was running around with his family. He was being pulled in a lot of directions as his daughter, Milan, is a rising tennis star and huge fan of the sport... His host, [USTA national manager] David Slade, got the money from Mike and has made sure the bill has been taken care of.”
Oh, sure. Whatever. We all know you just mopped that half-baked Ben & Jerry's bar.
Next time you want something from a store, Mike Tyson, you have to pay for it. You can probably afford it. You are so rich.
[Photo: Getty Images]