Romantic Movies To Stream (With A Body Count)
For the morbid lovers of the world.
It’s almost the weekend! It’s almost Valentine’s Day! For some, it’s almost a LONG weekend! Does this matter because time passes and we all inevitably die? I don’t know! But what’s more inevitable than death itself? Is it watching Netflix on your couch this weekend? Sure, okay! So, this weekend, whether you’re feeling romantic or you’re feeling the pressing weight of mortality, I have a solution to satisfy both. Thus, I present the best romantic movies to stream on Netflix where at least one person sees an untimely death. That’s right! Spoiler alert: there’s love, there’s romance, but also somebody dies. In every one of these films. Body count for the win!
Duh. This movie has one of the most famous love scenes of all time (before you signed up for some Groupon where you drink wine and make pottery with your pals, Swayze did it better and sexier), but it also has a GHOST. Well, at least 3 GHOSTS. And it is really sad. And President Fitz from Scandal is a real garbage fellow in it, so there’s that bonus.
2. The Best Of Me
Fact: If I wrote a list of romantic movies without including a Nicholas Sparks film, a group of housewives would burn my apartment building down. And this one is very bad, maybe one of his worst. Two pieces of string-cheese people (white, boring, etc.) talk about how much they used to love each other. But sometimes, the flashbacks include murder. Which spices it up in a way Nicholas Sparks only can: very, very little. Anyway, at least 2 people die in this, not including me! But when you watch it, it can feel like that.
3. Practical Magic
I think this movie is super romantic, if not just for how amazing Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock look in it. Brown lipstick! Long hair! And say it with me: STOCKARD CHANNING! God bless that woman. This movie has multiple deaths in it, and sometimes the same person dies again, which is not always how death is supposed to work.
4. Cruel Intentions
This movie came up on Netflix recently, transporting us all back to watching it in high school, when we thought were were Sarah Michelle Gellar or Reese Witherspoon. On rewatch, we were probably all Selma Blair. Actually, we were none of them. We are nowhere near as attractive or rich or young.
5. Heavenly Creatures
This movie is not “romantic,” in the traditional sense, but it is awesome. It’s got young love between young, very weird and kind of annoying women, and shows just what happens when those pesky parents get in the way! Anyway, if you have seen this movie, you know, and if you haven’t? Curl up with someone you love and totally watch it! I’m not saying anything more about it!
6. Remember Me
I’m not putting this on the list because I want you to watch it. I’m actually trying to warn you to never watch this film, because the “trick” ending is that it happens right before a horrific American tragedy, so actually a lot of people die because it happened in real life. Which is a completely nonsense plot twist for a movie about lame people falling deeply in a boring, sticky love.
7. One Day
If you want to watch a boring movie with Anne Hathaway for three hours, that’s on you, girl. There’s almost no payoff to the ending of this film. There is no likable characters in this movie. But that sounds a lot like life!
8. The English Patient
My mother has been telling me to see this movie for ten years. I have obliged. It is full of a lot of longing looks and music and death. It reminds me of that period in my youth where most movies were very long and very tragic and mostly about a handsome, sad man falling in love for a long time. During some kind of war.
Watch this movie and do me a favor: remind yourself constantly that an old women is telling a group of people, Bill Paxton amongst them, everything that is happening in this movie. So when the sex scene comes, imagine an old lady is describing it. “Back in my day, we went at it like animals! And Jack was no exception!”
10. Here On Earth
This is not necessarily A Walk To Remember. Mandy Moore isn’t it. Leelee Sobieski is. But you can’t stream A Walk To Remember, and I can’t think of a reason why it’s any different. Chris Klein is in it? He was so good in Election, and so not good in everything else. Anyway, if you want to see your basic “pretty flower dies at the end of the movie, teaching us all a lesson” film, this one will do.