Sunday is the day you “spring forward,” another worthless tradition centered around clocks. At 2am on Sunday, March 13th, it will arbitrarily become 3am. Time will continue to be a construct, because it is a construct, and it will be an hour later for no reason other then..farmers need more sunlight? I’m not sure. And I’m not going to Google it because I’m not a farmer! I have never done anything worthwhile in this world, much less harvesting oats or giving a pig an honorable death or whatever. Plus, farmers don’t even Google why Daylight Savings exists. They only Google things like ‘sick cow?’ and ‘bulls, friend or foe.’
But it is this Sunday, and I’m just reminding you that even though technology does most of the clock-changing for you (except for the oven and microwave! We are not SO advanced for that yet), you do need to be prepared to lose an hour of your life. It will be gone. Forever. While most consider this to be an hour of sleep, I’ve come up with a list of activities you shouldn’t do this weekend to get that hour back. Get rid of these, and you won’t feel so guilty about this hour, lost into the beyond, never to be seen again until fall:
1. . Don't Workout
Working out takes about an hour, and you don’t want to spend your shorter weekend doing silly things like running on a treadmill! You’re not even running from or to something! You’re staying in place! Does that sound like “progress” to you? I would think not. Working out will only upset you on this shorter weekend, and you should skip it for any reason at all, but this is a good one.
2. . Don't Call Your Grandma
Grandma is just going to talk for 45 minutes about a variety of things you don’t care about: memories, Good Housekeeping Recipes, Dr. Phil episodes, and things she bought on HSN. While this is usually a worthwhile way to spend your weekend, when you have less time, you have to trim the fat somewhere. Sorry, gram. We can catch up on that Magic Bullet Blender purchase you made sometime over the week, preferably during work hours.
3. . Don't Clean Your House
You can clean your house all you want, but the dust is just going to come back. You’re still going to get olive oil splatters all over your oven after a lengthy cleaning, and your toilet is going to get that horrible rust ring, and your bed will get unmade. So if you’re working with a little less downtime, skip the cleaning and do it Monday, when you’re already miserable. It’s all fruitless anyway.
4. . Stop Watching The 32nd Season of Survivor
Do you know Survivor is entering its 32ndseason at this point? Does anybody watch this show besides Jeff Probst and the contestants who are physically on Survivor that season? I have no idea! So if you, by some act of God, or some small chance that can only be described as a miracle, have DVR’d the 32nd season of Survivor to watch this weekend, don’t watch it? You probably aren’t, but I just want you to save yourself from this in case you are.
5. . Refuse to Sleep From The Hours of 3 and 4am
If you set your alarm for 3am on Sunday, and you leave your bed and walk around and do something productive, like call your grandma or clean your toilet or watch the triumphant 32nd season of Survivor, you have won! You have won the great clock war! You are now the master of clocks and time! Pretty cool!