Things You Should Never Do When A Friend’s Going Through A Breakup
We've all done a few of these. You live and you learn.
If we remember nothing else from Rihanna and Katy Perry's tumultuous friendship, it's that sometimes relationships get in the way. While the media mostly blamed Chris Brown and John Mayer for the rift between these two pop divas, most of us have been in similar shoes, too.
It's through the constant consoling that we know the build-up, the arguments, and the frustration that leads to a separation of two once lovebirds. We do our best to say and do what we can to ease the pain, but sometimes we don’t always get it right.
We can say something that’s too touchy or too harsh. We might even do something that could cause more anxiety or anguish. And it can all very well be unintentional. And that’s fine. Even Sway, to this day, doesn't have the answers. The problems arise when you do more harm than good. PlayingD evil’s advocate is ok, just know the right time to play with fire.
Here are 5 thing you should never do when a friend’s going through a break-up.
1. Never Rush Them
We all want to avoid having to see someone we deeply care about ball their eyes out, especially if you’re someone who easily tears up like me. But rushing them through the process is the absolute worst thing you can do. Remember that everything takes time. Even when they’re done crying all day, they’re still going to have a whole bunch of emotions that come up sporadically. Saying “you’ll get over it,” or “smile already,” aren’t consoling words. You’re better off just not saying anything at all. Matter of fact, just pass the tissues.
2. Never Bash The Other Person… Constantly
Sure, if the ex was a POS, it’s okay to say some less than great things about them, as long as you’re saying awesome things about your friend in contrast. But beware: not every situation warrants an angry reaction. People break up for all sorts of reasons. Even mutual breakups are hurtful. Keep in mind that the reason your friend is so distraught is because he/she deeply cared for their s/o. Talking trash about them at the wrong time could be more upsetting than healing. Even if they were a POS, if they loved that POS, proceed with caution. Love is a crazy, crazy thing.
3. Never State The Obvious
Stating the obvious can mean a lot of things, so let me be more specific: anything unrelated to the breakup is irrelevant. Unless the s/o was an a**hole who made them feel unattractive, reminding them that they’re beautiful/handsome is actually a pretty shallow way to console someone. Similarly, saying things like "He/she was unemployed anyway," "He/she couldn't dress for a damn," or even "You two had completely different interests," is basically a waste of time. Given that your friend decided to be with this person despite any differences you may have found odd or unfitting, try a different approach.
4. Never Make Excuses For The S/O
Speaking on unsubstantiated possibilities is awful in law and in real life. Art imitates life, right? Such is the case. There’s no need to play ‘maybe this/maybe that’ with your friend’s emotions. Sure, it’s a soothing idea to think that the person who just broke your heart is only going through a temporary phase, but it's counterproductive to the healing process. “He’ll come around,” “Give him time,” and “He just isn’t ready yet,” are all great to hear, but they also add an element of mystery. Maybe he’ll call tomorrow and apologize. Maybe tonight. Maybe now, even! Trust, the anxiety is horrible enough. Just leave all the algebraic hypotheses to your inner voice.
5. Never Attempt To Hook Them Up
Getting over a breakup takes time. And it’s a different amount of time for each person, based on several different factors. It could take you three months to get over someone you dated for six months, but it could take someone else double the time for half the headache. So don’t try to help them out of their funk by hooking them up before they’re ready. Pressuring someone to go on a date who's readjusting back to the single life is the wrong move. Save the cutie for another day. If it’s meant to be, it will be.