If there's one thing Craigslist is good for, it's giving the internet something to point and laugh at. The latest cringeworthy Craigslist ad comes from a 56-year-old man named "Gordon" who posted on the popular site in hopes of finding a "travel companion" to attend Coachella with him.
If you haven't caught on yet, let me break it down for you: this is 100 percent a sugar daddy situation. Gordon seems like a real class act, too — he recently quit his job and divorced his wife of 11 years because he wants to dedicate his life to having fun.
But what's really got the internet talking is Gordon's list of demands for his "companion." The lucky female has to be between the ages of 19 and 25, and must be willing to have periodic moments of extended eye contact with him, post at least four photos of them together on her Instagram page, and allow him to brush her hair at least once a day. Along with specific guidelines about personal grooming and style — she must keep her hands and feet moisturized at all times and dress like a "typical Coachella goer" — he even includes specific things he wants to hear her say over the course of the weekend.
What does she get in return? Why, beef jerky and peanut butter sandwiches. (NOT EVEN JELLY!)
And that, ladies and gentleman, is one of the many reasons I could never have a sugar daddy. I'm fine with choosing to moisturize my hands and feet (because duh), but once someone else demands that I do it, the urge to punch someone and stay ashy out of spite is strong within me. I'm just that petty.
In any case, check out Gordon's full list of demands below. Sounds reasonable, right? (No. This makes me want to wash my eyes out, to be honest - unless this is satire in which case it's acutally genius.)
[Photo, Screenshots: Craigslist]