What If Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus, Rihanna and RuPaul Were Video Game Characters?
Ru's finishing move: Sissy That Walk.
A recent poll created by Nintendo asked gamers who they wanted to see added to the Super Smash Bros. roster. While there were plenty of reasonable suggestions (Chun Li, Bubble Bobble, Master Chief), many gamers were surprised to see a grassroots campaign for Miss Britney Spears spring up. Could B-girl be the first fighting game pop star?
As if that wasn't too much, Miss Mariah Carey herself appeared in a new commercial for Game of War. Can the Butterfly princess slay a dragon? Apparently so!
This got us thinking: what other celebrities deserve a spot in the video game world? Could today's pop princesses hold their own in intergalactic warfare or fantasy battle? Here's some ideas we've come up with. Pay attention Nintendo!
Game she'd appear in: Mass Effect
Stats: +10 Strength, +20 Sass, +10 Agility, -5 Control
Finishing Move: BBHMM
Riri could easily work towards saving the galaxy from super-sentient robot forces, as long as someone gives her a paycheck at the end of it. We all know that sci-fi dialogue can get a little boring, but Rihanna can spice up in-game conversation trees with snappy responses a la her Twitter account. Every fan-boy is drooling over her already, but can they convince her to be digitally bedded? (No, they can't, she's not interested.)
Game she'd appear in: Dance Dance Revolution
Stats: +10 Charm, +15 Intelligence, +20 Defense, -10 Luck
Finishing Move: Pockets For Snacks
Tanisha stomped around the Bad Girls Club house without racking up any points, so she might as well put a game-pad under her feet and make it to the next level. We've seen “Can't Get No Sleep” remixed back and forth on Vine, but we haven't gotten a manically high-energy J-pop version of it just yet.
Game he'd appear in: Halo
Stats: +25 Charm, +5 Attack, +25 Speed, -10 Chill
Finishing Move: The Major Lazer Cannon
The only way to bro up the bro-iest game in video game history could be to add ultra-bro DJ Diplo. Could the notoriously girl-chasing music maker fit along well with bunch of faceless mercenaries? Considering Diplo's been hiding behind the more talented artists he signs to his label, he'd probably do just as well behind an oversized army helmet.
4. Donald Trump
Game he'd appear in: Grand Theft Auto
Stats: +50 Charm, +50 Luck, -1000 Intelligence
Finishing Move: Toupee Torture
The world of GTA is populated with ultra-corrupt politicians and seedy businessmen. When Trump finally takes the presidency, we'll pretty much all be living inside a lawless urban nightmare. Get to work on practicing hot-wiring a car, people!
5. Miley Cyrus
Game she'd appear in: Pokemon
Stats: +10 Speed, +15 Defense, +100 Magic
Finishing Move: Lick
Miley is basically already a Lickitung Pokemon come to life, so it wouldn't be surprising to see her hiding in tall grass ready to attack. But does Miley evolve into Madonna when she gets enough experience points?
Game she'd appear in: Final Fantasy
Stats: +100 Charisma, +100 Uniqueness, +100 Never, +100 Talent
Finishing Move: Sissy That Walk
Most Final Fantasy games conclude once a plucky team of heroes defeats some kind of all-powerful deity. The closest thing we have to an all-powerful deity on this world, is, of course, RuPaul. Miss Charles is already the Boss of Drag Race, and I'm not sure any spiky haired upstart will ever have enough magic to beat her.