Bad Girls Club 803 Recap

Man. I need a drink after that episode. And not booze. No, I need Nyquil, because I think that’s the only way I will be able to fall asleep after the latest action packed ep of our favorite show Bad Girls Club, or as I like to call it, Chicks on the Verge of Going Cuckoo and Throwing Stuff. Let’s talk, shall we?

The episode opens with Dani calling her father. She tells him she is the only one up, which makes you think it is probably early in the morning, but knowing these hos it’s probably noon. Anyway, her dad expresses concern for her and Gabi. A normal dad would probably say, hey, I hope you’re getting along with the other girls and cleaning up after yourselves in the kitchen. But the twins’ dad is no normal dad. Nope, he encourages Dani to stir sh—because coming home is not an option. People would talk.

Father of the year hangs up, and the twins tell Gia they want to start some drama. Gia, she of the bra and panties combo, says that she’ll pass. I guess when you puke on a skank you get a conscience? Amy apologizes to Erica and explains that she only wanted to defend Jenna. Uh oh, looks like Amy is planting the seeds to throwing Jenna under the bus.

Erica calls her boyfriend, who says he had left a message. Uh oh. Did a ho delete it? Why yes, they did. Amy admits to her crime and Erica semi-calmly tells her never to do it again. She explains that she’s found Jesus and God is her savior so she’s trying to keep her anger down a notch. I giggle because we know this won’t last.

That night Demitra, Amy, and Jenna go out. Ever the wing woman, Jenna urges a guy to kiss Demitra. Amy then buys De a shot of Petron, and you know what means, right? According to Jenna, body f’ing shots! Of course!

Back at the house, Erica asserts her role as ringleader by scheming with Dani/Gabi and Gia to send a girl home. She decides it should be Jenna because she has more of a backbone than Amy, and you have to eliminate the strongest one first. Oh, you’re devious Erica/Venetia.

The next morning everyone is hanging out by the pool. Amy and Jenna discuss places where they can meet guys, like a yoga or salsa class. Do they want to meet a straight guy or a gay best friend? Hmmmmm.

Erica and Gia decide to go out to run some errands and grab a bite to eat. Erica, ever the tastemaker, is wearing what look like pink pajamas. This from the girl who can recognize a fake Louis Vuitton from a mile away. Riiiiiight. She and Gia talk about how they don’t need anyone. Erica tells us that she has been stabbed. If this is true, it’s sad, certainly, but it also contrasts with the image that she’s trying to project of herself being a kept lady. (Kept by a low budget mobster, maybe.) They go to a tanning salon, and they call the other girls broke b*tches because they probably can’t afford to go tanning. Oh snap! Well Erica, at least they can afford to wear clothes out in public, and not sleepwear.

That night the girls all go to a country bar to meet, in Gia’s words, some Brokeback Mountain boys. Brokeback Mountain boys? Really, Gia? You do know they’re gay in that movie, right? Brokeback Mountain boys probably won’t want to dance with you. Just saying.

At the club, some of the girls are disappointed that it is not Hip Hop night but rather Country Night. Well—they are at a country bar so it might be a lil strange to hear hip hop, but whatevs. Jenna is determined to have a good time anyway. She talks to a guy named Brad, telling him that she loves rocks and geology. She invites him and his friend Brooks back to the house, but the other girls refuse to wait for her. They take a limo home, and Jenna hops in a cab with Brad and Brooks.

I’ve watched enough reality television in my time to know that this minor division is going to create problems. And I’m right! Back at the house, everyone is asleep except for Jenna, Amy, and their boy guests. Brooks starts washing the dishes in the sink because why not? If a dude ever cleaned my kitchen it better be because he had just finished cooking me breakfast. I’d be a little embarrassed by a mess. But these girls? Hell no! It’s par for the course.

Dani comes downstairs to politely ask them to quiet down. I’m on Team Twin at this point because I’ve lived with loud ass roommates and it is disrespectful. Amy and Jenna just nod their heads and bring the party into the hot tub.

And this is when the sh—hits the fan, friends. Erica comes down first, and then all the other girls follow her. Brad and Brooks keep apologizing and you know they just want to get the f--- out. Getting ass should not be this much work. Erica gets in Jenna’s face and is all, my man would never be up and this loud at five in the morning unless he was giving me d--- because he has a black card. And I think to myself, if her boyfriend is so rich, why can’t he buy her a decent dye job or some clothes besides the pink underwear/pajamas that she seems to wear everywhere?

The guys finally escape and now it’s Jenna’s turn to lose it. She starts kicking stuff and throwing lamps, all while wearing a sparkly green bikini top. She decides to leave and go to a hotel to calm down. While she’s gone, the other girls start destroying her stuff. They spit in her bags and throw her makeup over the balcony.

Later on that morning Gabi calls Dad of the Year to tell him about the fight. He maturely tells his daughter that he would have beaten Jenna’s ass if she had woken him up.

Jenna returns to the house. She sees all her stuff on the floor but shrugs it off. She talks to Demitra and Amy about what happened. They tell her she needs to respect her roommates. In her talking head, Amy essentially decides to abandon Jenna. Smart Amy reflects that she doesn’t forgive but she always forgets, so . . . so . . . how can she even remember what Jenna did? Methinks Amy is a tad bit confused.

Meanwhile, Jenna starts writing on the pictures of the girls, scribbling something along the lines that Erica gets paid money for sexual favors. Pshaw. I think people would pay money for Erica to stay AWAY from them. While Jenna is defacing the property, the twins, Gia, and Erica take Jenna’s mattress and throw it into the pool. When she finds out, she remains fairly calm. UNTIL they tell her they threw her weave along with it. Oh no they didn’t! Fists start flying. Jenna throws a cue ball at them. The producers intervene.

A brawl follows. I can’t tell who hits who, but it gets nasty real fast. And then, before we know it, it’s time for us to say goodbye to Jenna. The b*tch is going home.

Jenna doesn’t even seem to care that she’s leaving. She almost seems relieved. And I can’t really blame her. Living in an awesome house is not worth it if you have to share it with crazy hos.

See you all next week!

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