It’s Liz Out Loud. Well, I USED to think I was loud—I did get voted most talkative in my high school yearbook—but after watching this latest episode of Bad Girls Club I realize that there are plenty more people in this world with way more, er, vocal talent.
Let’s begin, shall we?
Last week we ended with the twins boohooing to the producers that they were scared for their lives so they went to a hotel for the evening. Well, the sun’s up and the twins are back. Elease asks them why they act the way they do. That’s a good question Elease. The twins are all, “We’re bad girls, and we can do whatever we want. You are all fake!” Okay, so the twins have gained zero insight. What a surprise!
The twins decide to get out of the house and go to a psychic…in a strip mall. Hey, times are tough. The psychic, named Helena, says that Dani is a kind-hearted person. HA! Gabi then blames her recent weight gain on taking maternity pills because she thought they could make her hair grow longer. Helena replies that you’re not supposed to eat them; you should put them in your shampoo. Hmm OK. Relieved with Helena’s verdict—she tells them that they will be okay and that they’re exactly where they should be (so deep, I know)—the twins depart.
Meanwhile, the other girls go shopping for lingerie because why not? Erica’s boo Chris, he of the red bottom-giving and black Amex-spending ways—is coming for a visit. She brags that she doesn’t need to buy ANYTHING because it will just come off anyway. I appreciate the visual of that, Erica. Thanks.
Everyone returns to the house. The twins call a meeting. They are all, “we were all cool at the beginning, not sure what changed!” And Gia, who is not always an arbiter of good manners, points out they don’t show respect to anyone. And then there is a bunch of screaming. Surprise!
That night everyone goes out so that Erica can be alone with her man who will be arriving shortly. Even the twins go along! When Erica picks Chris up in the limo, you can tell she’s genuinely excited to see him but he’s too cool for school. Chris grunts like a caveman and dresses like a high school student. Not quite the high roller I was hoping for. Instead of a Louis Vuitton bag, he looks like he could buy Erica, say, a box of Russell Stover chocolates on the discount rack the day after Valentine’s Day. With a prepaid debit card no less.
Erica wastes no time and brings him to her room. He looks like he is being led to his execution, except without a final meal. When the other girls return home, Gia shares a bed with Elease because she’s been sexiled. The girls giggle as a soundtrack of Erica’s, um…tender moments plays in the background.
The next day Chris appears bored when he meets the rest of the house. Erica and Chris join Elease and Amy for a bowling outing, though upon entrance to the alley he decides he wants to go to the casino next door. Probably to play the nickel slots. Erica is embarrassed and angry with him, but she doesn’t say anything to his face.
The twins are hanging out in their beds discussing their possible exit. Gabi tells Dani that she should stay calm and not hit anyone and, get this, go out like a lady. Too late for that! I laugh and laugh and laugh. Speaking of ladies, Erica and her crew return to the house where she cracks open a bottle of wine and drinks straight from the bottle. “You don’t believe in cups?” Chris asks. Hehe. But then I feel bad for Erica because Chris is such a dud and he decides he wants to go home early. She begs him to stay but nope, he’s going to leave now. She realizes it is over between them after more than two years together. She claims she always has a boyfriend but it will be good for her to be alone for a while. Hey, she’s in the city of sin! She still has time to get her freak on. There are plenty of bachelor parties to crash!
The day goes on. The twins draw on the other girls’ pictures and call them fake. Seriously? They need to chill with using the world “fake.” This needs to become a drinking game. Oh wait, we’d probably all end up with alcohol poisoning. Mimi decides to come back to Vegas after some serious begging from the house. That night everyone (but the twins) goes out to a nightclub where a newly single Erica makes out with another girl and Mimi returns to save the day. The gang squeals with delight. You’d think Mimi had done a tour of Iraq the way they are going on. At home, Dani goes on and on about how terrible her housemates are and how they don’t even use proper grammar. Ha! There are just no words.
The next morning the girls all powder their noses and faces, one of their favorite hobbies. The reunited five chicks—Amy, Elease, Gia, Mimi, and Erica—pack all their clothes and possessions into garbage bags because they are prepared to jump the twins and go home. The twins suspect something is up, but as usual they make a bunch of empty threats to each other. They leave the house to go out, which proves to not have been the wisest of moves.
The furious five take this opportunity to trash the house. They throw perfectly good food on the ground, in the pool, and on the floor, just because it belongs to the twins. This includes cookie dough ice cream. They could have sent it to me! I would have eaten it! The twins return to the house and not to be outdone, they start throwing trash and kitchen utensils around and breaking stuff. Just your normal everyday activities! Dani takes a trash can from the bathroom (complete with used feminine care items, eww) and empties it on a bed. That’s apparently fine. But then she throws the container at Gia. Not fine. This is all they need. This is the spark that ignites the fight that we’ve been waiting for all season. Everyone jumps on Dani, except for Amy. Gabi rushes upstairs. Fists fly, hair is pulled. A producer finally breaks it up. The twins, cut and bleeding, claim they just want to eat their Chipotle. But when Dani calls her dad you can tell she is quite shaken up. She’s crying as she asks him what she should do. He’s all, fight back! But she says she can’t because it’s 5 on 1. Now—I am NEVER an advocate of violence—but . . . but . . . wasn’t it 6 on 1 when you jumped Elease??? I just can’t with these twins.
At any rate, the twins go to a hotel for the night, but the next morning they return to the house and announce that they are leaving. Well, announce isn’t quite the word but they do bring bodyguards to safely escort them. The remaining five girls heckle them as they pack their belongings. One of the twins is all, “I better not leave any of my Forever 21 or H&M clothes here because I can’t afford anything else”, and this is the one moment I kind of love them. They aren’t fronting! They know their broke asses can’t afford any premium designers.
They kill any insight they may have gained, however, when they reflect on their time in the house. First they were the bullies, then the bullied, and finally they conquered the house. We-ellllll, that’s not quite what I’d call it but they’re gone so I am okay. Gabi warns us, “This isn’t the last you’re gonna see of Dani and I.” This is technically bad grammar, so I hope her sister didn’t hear it!
So now the twins are gone. I hope that the house isn’t as crazy for the next girls they bring in!
Till next time—
Liz Out Loud