Remember the phrase “sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me”? And you were all, sticks and stones are no big deal, broken bones are just temporary. Heck, WORDS are no big deal. It’s almost like you were a Man/Woman of Steel. You could take ANYTHING.
Well, week after week, we learn that these Bad Girls are quite bionic in their power. You knock one of these b*tches down, you call one of these cats a ho… and they are back up and fighting! And this week is no different.
We begin with what could POSSIBLY be the final frontier between Rocky and Jenn. Jenn, who used to just be your run-of-the-mill-good-time stripper, is now just your run-of-the-mill-cray-cray-rabid stripper. After arguing with Rocky in the limo over something stupid, she rushes back in the house ready to fight. Rocky is prepared this time. They go at it in the hall, Valentina jumps in to aid and abet Jenn, and before you know it security steps in.
Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me. Right? Well, this time what DOES hurt Jenn is a kick 2 centimeters away from an eye… Rocky’s eye. Turns out Jenn placed her foot there. I want to say ever so gently, but I doubt it. The producers say because this could have blinded Rocky, it’s time for Jenn to go home. She’s quite devastated. Not at the pain she could have inflicted, but because SHE has to leave. How dare they?!
The next morning, Stephanie, Paula, and Alicia mourn Jenn’s departure. But why waste time on negative energy because there is a wet t-shirt contest to be had! All the remaining girls go to the bar where the competition will take place and guess who shows up??? The ever so beloved Derek J. from Hair Battle Spectacular and The Real Housewives of Atlanta! With his flowing tunic, short shorts, and chunky platforms, he fits RIGHT in with the rest of the red-blooded males at the club. Anyway, he asks the ladies to be models in a hair show the next day. They squeal with delight, which I take it means “yes.”
But onward, there are wet t-shirts to be seen! Rocky and Shannon compete. They writhe and contort their bodies just like they’re in a rap video. Valentina and I both puke in our mouths a bit. Ultimately, neither win. Ha!
Before you know it, it’s time for the hair show! The girls all go to Derek J.’s salon where they are tricked out. We’ve got Alicia looking like Strawberry Shortcake, Valentina seems to have a penis on her head, and Paula is channeling a FIERCE Pepe Le Pew. They go to the show and the audience gets to vote who is the best. They agree with me: Fierce Pepe Le Pew/Paula is declared the winner. WERK!
Right now everyone seems to be getting along, although Paula is not feeling Shannon. Sensing the tension, Shannon calls her Sugar Daddy, Mr. Yes, and tells him that she wants to knock Paula out. Now, I imagine my imaginary sugar daddy would say, “Don’t fight, Liz Out Loud, let me whisk you away on my private jet to a tropical island where we can frolic with dolphins!” But Shannon’s Sugar Daddy is all… crickets. “She’s all talk,” he says of Paula. Good advice there buddy!
As any good soldier does, Shannon prepares for battle just in case. As she swims laps, she reminds herself that she looks like a quarterback, that she has strong legs, and—wait for it—that she has a “one hitter quitter knock out punch.” She sounds like a 1950’s pulp novel.
Elsewhere in the house, one-time lesbian Stephanie is converting to being a heterosexual. She invites Andre over to have sex with her. Why not? But first she has a photo-shoot to do with Rocky with new hair extensions courtesy of Derek J.
Later on everyone is at the house again. Stephanie’s having good sex and the other ladies are playing drinking games. Except for Paula because she hates Shannon. Remember when Paula was the voice of reason? How things change.
At any rate, Paula goes to bed and the girls continue to be silly and loud, which pisses Paula off. But why get mad at everyone when Shannon is right there to blame. So the two of them start fighting. Security pulls them apart. The girls are proud of Shannon for sticking up for herself. How supportive!
In her talking head Shannon explains why she snapped, “I can only be so nice, so comprehensive, so kosher for so long.” Whaaaa? Homegirl sounds like she picked up a thesaurus and got confused.
So now it’s Paula vs. Shannon. Will the war last?
Till next time—
Liz Out Loud
Plus check out a sneak peek from Tuesday's SO new episode: