After 33 Years, Ozzy And Sharon Osbourne Are Divorcing

And it appears to be more than one reason. Be still, my cold, gothic heart.

By Eric Shorey

A terrible wind has gusted through the cockles of my cold, gothic heart: Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne, a picture of perfect Satanic-infused love, are reportedly getting a divorce after 33 years of blissful devil worshipping.

Despite speculation about Ozzy's drug and alcohol usage, an E! online source says that the impending split has nothing to do with the Prince of Darkness's sobriety. Said source suggested that Ozzy's sobriety has been in tact for upwards of three years, suggesting that irreconcilable differences between the two are the cause of the couple's separation.

Ozzy and Sharon originally met while the former toured with the internationally renowned metal band Black Sabbath. Sharon eventually became Ozzy's manager and wife. In the early 2000's, the ghoulish duo and their kids became the unlikely stars of a reality series that tracked their untraditional life and love.

Rumors of the couple's divorce have floated around gossip magazines and websites for a while now, with Sharon repeatedly addressing the chatter on her talk show, The Talk, in 2013: "Everything that has been printed in the tabloids has been distorted," she said. "There's always a little seed of truth to everything that gets reported, but then it gets very distorted."

E! states that Ozzy has agreed to at least temporarily move out of their house until things are more settled, but as this story broke, more details about Ozzy's sobriety came into question. Reports now suggest that Ozzy's kids are worried about their dad's health: “Jack tried to get hold of Ozzy because he thinks he might talk some sense into him,” The Mirror reports. “He and his sisters, Kelly and Aimee, are worried about him and are a bit shocked by what has gone on. But Sharon is in an unforgiving mood and does not want him in the house, so it’s a difficult position.”

Other sources are suggesting that Ozzy's infidelity is what started this most recent feud: "Sharon went ballistic with Ozzy and accused him of having the affair,” The Sun reported. “She said she had suspected something had been going on for some time and now had proof.”

But a third source suggests the split might be a temporary arrangement: “Even if [Sharon] caught Ozzy red-handed, they will end up back together,” an insider told “He is her world and vice versa. They literally don’t know how to live without each other. Ozzy has trouble getting through the day without Sharon telling him what to do. He hates it but loves it all at the same time.”

Although Sharon is furious, she has told Ozzy he has three weeks to save their marriage ... She’s stood behind him on so many occasions, and is lost without him, so she would be willing to give Ozzy another chance. He goes on tour to Europe with Black Sabbath on June 1 — she’s told him, ‘Let’s fix our issues, or you’ll be spending the summer alone.'” 

Ok, how many bat heads do I have to bite off to make sure these two stay together? We need them as a beacon of hope and darkness in this otherwise godly and wholesome world! Let's remember nicer times to help us through this crisis. Here's foul-mouthed Ozzy attempting to watch TV (NSFW: language):

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