Man Arrested After Trying To Have Sex With Van

Police in Ohio say an intoxicated man tried to mount and have sex with a parked vehicle. 

By Benjamin H. Smith

No matter how high we rise, there are always those among us that will bring us back down to the gutter. We can put a man on the moon, create a device that fits into your pocket that is able to access the entirety of human knowledge in seconds, we have bent animals, rivers and the elements to our will, but still, our news feed is full of bad mothers, worse criminals and just plain old fools who like to get drunk and try to have sex with a motorized vehicle.

Less than 2 miles from the Wright Brothers final resting place at historic Woodland Cemetery, police were called Tuesday after one traumatized citizen saw a man clad only in black gym shorts and shoes try to mount the front grill of a parked van and fornicate with it. Police arrested Michael Henson, whom they claim was intoxicated. According to the witness, after pulling his shorts down and swinging from a stop sign, he approached the sitting vehicle and stuck his…well, you know…into the front grill. He then passed out in a nearby yard.

Police arrested Henson and charged him with public indecency. He is currently beind held in Dayton's Montgomery County jail. So far, the owner of the vehicle has not been available for comment. 

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