Love & Relationships

5 Reasons You Should Never Have 'Friends With Benefits'

Sure, you can get your jollies with your clothes off every once in awhile, but being “friends with benefits” can take its toll on even the most stalwart friendship.

Friendships have their ups and downs, but try adding sex to the mix and you’ve got yourself a rollercoaster ride. Sure, you can get your jollies with your clothes off every once in awhile, but being “friends with benefits” can take its toll on even the most stalwart friendship. Oxygen’s Last Squad Standing, premiering Nov. 1 at 9/8c, is a testament to how fragile friendships can be when they’re put to the test. We’re willing to admit that a “friends with benefits” scheme might just work out okay in the end, but if you’re looking for no-strings attached sex, you might be fresh out of luck. Here are five reasons why you should never have friends with benefits.

1..  One Person Always Winds Up Catching Feelings

The idea behind having a friend with benefits is that you have someone you already know you get along with to also get down and dirty with. It’s supposed to be comfortable, safe, fun, and most importantly, no strings attached. The only problem is that no matter how much you say the last part--”no strings attached”--eventually there will be strings. Lots of them. And when those strings are only being strung on one side, there’s a problem. When one person catches feelings, the whole thing falls apart. And when the other person doesn’t reciprocate those feelings, it can end in anger, resentment, and the loss of a friend (not to mention the benefits).

2..  And Even If You Don’t, It Always Feels Bad To Be The 'In Between'

In the best case scenario, no one ever catches feelings, and eventually, the friends with benefits arrangement has to end--especially if neither of you wants a relationship. But what happens when one of you does want a relationship, just not with each other? Even if you don’t have feelings for someone, it can still be hurtful one day to wake up and find out they’ve met “someone special” and won’t be needing your services any more. It can make people feel used (even if in reality you were both using each other) and rejected (even if in reality you were both ultimately going to reject each other).

3..  It’s A Logistical Nightmare

Trying to find time to commit to a “friend with benefits” can be difficult, mostly because it’s rarely a priority. You have work to do, friends to see and places to be. When you’re in a relationship, you prioritize it among those things. But when it’s just sex, you’ll find yourself always putting that person, or yourself being put, as a last priority. It’s a fast way to get into arguments you never wanted to be having in a casual arrangement. Afterall, if you wanted to someone to argue with, you would have just gotten a boyfriend or girlfriend, right?

4..  After It Ends, It’s Hard To Get Back To Being 'Just Friends'

Most of the time, it’s hard to be “just friends” with someone you’ve seen naked. But we’ll humor your regardless: imagine you have a friend with benefits and the relationship ends, and you go back to being friends very easily. “Hurrah!” You’ll think. “I got out unscathed!” But wait--here comes your next partner. Who finds out about your previous arrangement. Suddenly one-on-one time where you and your pal stay up all night talking and watching movies isn’t okay anymore. It’s weird for your new partner for you to be so intimate with someone you’ve been intimate with before. And that friendly intimacy would never have been viewed uncomfortably if you’d never gotten nasty. In fact, if you’d never been friends with benefits your partner and your friend might end up being besties too. In a perfect world, everyone is mature and none of that would matter, but we don’t live in a perfect world now, do we? 

5..  Lifelong Friendships Are More Important Than Sex

Sex is fleeting. It comes and goes. Friendship can span lifetimes. So if you’re feeling a little hot and bothered, you’re better off with one night stands and casual dating, rather than dragging friends into the picture. Keep sex as sex, and friends as friends, and you’ll do a much better job of complicating neither, and having your buddies around for life.

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