Love Games 308 Recap

Oh how far weve come in the past seven weeks.I write this, my final Love Games recap, with tears in my eyes. I cannot believe that it is time for the end. Oh my, how far weve come in the past seven weeks. Wasnt it just yesterday that Judi sent the sexy text, Shout out to the hos that can spread their legs but not spread a smile across your face. Hahaha XOX Moi. It hardly seems like a day has passed since Sydney politely asked Kori, Why the f*ck you talkin sh*t about stretch marks on my titties? Oh, how far weve come indeed.

In the past seven weeks, weve said goodbye to eight guys, including the eyebrow challenged Pasquale, the cake loving Freaky JP, and the forgettable Dusty, who revealed to us in the very first episode that he finds Kori totally f*ckable. Class? These guys had it in spades. Weve bid goodbye to our own natural disaster Sydney. At times shes been a Tornado, Tsunami, and Hurricane.

And now there are seven. Kori and Judi, and their own island of misfit toys: Joey, Matthew, Nick, John, and Edson. Who will win? Lets find out, shall we?

The episode begins with the girls mulling over their armies. Kori, ever the schemer, recognizes that she and Judi each have one guy exclusively on their team. Joey for Kori and Matthew for Judi. That leaves the other three in the middle, and Kori is determined to recruit them to her side. Nick and Edson both flip flop, saying one thing to the girls and another to the camera. Sneaky! Whoever heard of double crossing on a reality show? I clutch my pearls at the notion. John, as usual, plays both sides of the fence.

Tanisha calls the crew to gather by the pool. She announces that there will be another elimination right at this moment, and this time two men will go home! Kori and Judi can each save a guy. Each, er, gentleman (can we call them that?) pleads his case. John is all, Kori, you know what it is. Judi, you what it is? Um . . . .John? Can you please tell Liz Out Loud what it is? Cause I have no idea. Ultimately, Judi saves Matthew and Kori saves Joey. The surprise of the century. Now each girl gets to pick who they want to leave. Judi sends Edson packing due to his major flip-flopping, and Kori says adios to Nick, which surprises me because he is the best-looking one here. Even Judi is shocked that Kori chooses to keep John.

And now there are five: Kori, Judi, Joey, Matthew, and John. And what better way to celebrate than to go to a place called Fantasy Springs in Palm Springs! Tanisha pulls the girls aside to tell them the final HBIC challenge. Each girl will have ten minutes alone with each guy, and in that time they need to make them say and do five things:
1)Im moving to _____ (wherever the girl in question lives).
2)Im here for you.
3)______ is a liar.
4)______ is here for _____.
5)They have to kiss for at least 5 seconds.

The lady who gets the most from the guys wins the challenge. Judi goes first with Joey. She feeds him each line so that he will repeat them back to her. She even gets him to kiss her for 3.18 seconds. His eyes are open the whole time. The game goes on, with Kori and Judi picking different strategies to win. Joey tells Kori hed move to Scottsdale because he has no commitments, which really means he has no job. Youll have to pay for your Botox yourself, Kori. Are you up for that? And you already donated the jewelry that he gave you to Natalie, so you cant even pawn that. In the end Judi is determined the winner. Instead of a date, both she and Kori get to choose the guy they want to wait for them at the end. Yall can guess who they pick . . . Matthew and Joey! Tanisha sends them both back to LA and now John will get the opportunity to have two one-on-one dates with Kori and Judi.

John goes out with Kori first. He praises how smart she is (sure!) and they talk strategy. Nothing really new there. He thinks hes got it locked in but Kori realizes how sneaky he is. Next its time for Judi to go out with John. They flirt with each other and John observes that the connection he is having with Judi is real. For the moment at least. Tomorrow, however, is a new day. Hes like a politician the way he parses words. Granted, a politician who has never been elected to any kind of office besides third grade student council, but a politician nonetheless. John then goes all ancient Chinese philosopher on us: Without risk, there is no benefit . . . so jump with me. Judi confesses that she jumped twenty minutes ago. Why is she falling for this dirt bag?

The girlsand Johnreturn to the house in LA. Kori runs straight into Joeys arm while Judi hugs Matthew politely, dodging his kiss. Uh oh. Judi needs to keep her eye on the game! Joey drags Kori into her room, where he has decorated her bed with strawberries. He struggles to open a bottle of champagne, which is not surprising since he is probably used to cracking open cans of Bush Light at his frat parties. Matthew also sweeps Judi off her feet with strawberries on her bed. He too has trouble opening the bottle of champagne.

The next thing we know it is the final night. The men are all dressed tastefully by the pool, waiting for the girls to come out. I know its hard to believe that taste exists in the Love Games house, but there you go. Kori comes out first wearing an (almost) beautiful blue gown, but shes got this weird sequin skirt thing going on underneath the dress. Judi wears a pretty black number, but her shoes are a bit more suited for a strip club. Baby steps, people, baby steps. Shell get it eventually.

Tanisha explains how the winners will be crowned. Each guy will first choose which woman they want, and the chosen woman will choose her guy. The new couple will be the king and queen of Love Games. Kori and Judi plead their cases first. Kori addresses John. You know what it is. Ugh, here we go again with the whole you know what it is? What is it? Did he once save your grandmother so you owe him your firstborn? Do tell!

After the girls say their words, its time for the men to make their selections. It is only at this point that I realize how short Matthew is compared to rest of the guys. Anyway, Matthew goes first and picks Judi. You already know what it is, he explains. Oh my gosh, we are going to need to start a drinking game. Too bad its the last episode of the season. Joeys next and he chooses . . . Sydney! Just kidding. He picks Kori. In case anyone was confused about the score, Tanisha recaps the vote. One for Judi, and one for Kori. Thank God she cleared that up. I was having a hard time keeping track.

And now its up to John. He always said he was going to be on the winning team, and whatever girl he picks will be the winner, so he will be at least half right. He touts the virtues of both girls. Says that he and Kori could be a power couple. How? I guess this is like a movie where I have to suspend my belief and go along with it, kind of like in Wizard of Oz.

John announces his final decision. He chooses Judi. Tanisha tells Joey that his love game is over. It just begins! he replies.

Now Judi must make HER final decision. If she picks John I will boycott the show, and you will get no more brilliant recaps. Lets just ignore the fact that this is the season finale so that there will be no more recaps anyway. I enjoy being self-righteous.

Matthew makes his final declaration on why he should win. Hes all, I care about you, I listen, blah blah blah. He remarks that you are beautiful. You are Judiful. Oh boy. Thats almost as bad as if I guy told me I was de-LIZ-ious, though I do appreciate the sentiment behind it. Sort of. John goes next. He says he doesnt believe in coincidences, or luck. Then what DO you believe in? The Easter Bunny?

And now its time. Who will Judi pick? I wish I could be more dramatic . . . but it is Matthew! Yeah! Tanisha reveals that they win a trip to Cancun, together! Yes! Nothing more romantic than where all the college kids go for spring break. But then again, Judis only 22 and she is in college so I guess its not that much a stretch.

And now . . . Love Games is over. Peace out!

Liz Out Loud

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