Love Games 406 Recap: Ex Marks the Spot

All right kidz, the magic is over. That’s right, Josh and his fake tears were finally sent home last week. Does this mean no more card tricks? Booooo.

But alas, the men have no time to dwell on this as they have to save their own a*ses. Joey talks strategy with Camilla, he says he has feelings for her but I believe that as much as I believe that Lindsay Lohan is a good driver. However, they both agree that if Joey is not on Camilla’s team during the HBIC challenge that he should throw it. You devil you.

What do you know? It’s time for the next HBIC challenge! And wait, Tanisha is bringing out all the guys’ ex-girlfriends! Taylor looks like he’s going to pee in his pants when he sees his former lady love Sarah Lynne. Apparently they were going to get married. I’m happy she got away!

The girls pick their teams—Shane, Taylor, and Tyrone are on Dani’s crew; Jamin, Casey and Joey join Amy; and Camilla only gets two guys: Andre and Brandon, which means one of them will have to go twice.

The challenge consists of three rounds. The theme of the first one is “Excess Baggage.” Each guy will have to hold up two suitcases while their exes try to make them drop them. The person who holds on the longest gets three points, second place gets two points, and the loser gets one point. Joey, Brandon, and Tyrone go first. Their exes douse them with whipped cream and chocolate sauce. Tyrone is the first man down, then Brandon, and dorky Joey is the last man standing so Amy’s team gets the three points. Uh oh, wasn’t he supposed to throw that challenge? I’d be careful of the wrath of Camilla!

The next round is called “Dead Weight.” Each guy has to hold his ex in his arms while Amy, Dani, and Camilla add a brick to a box that they are also carrying. Dani and Camilla pick Shane and Andre respectively because their former flames are tiny, but Amy selects Casey to go for her which makes zero sense because Casey’s ex-gal pal is a curvier chick. Is she trying to throw the challenge herself? Eh, who knows. Needless to say, Casey fails first, then Shane, and Andre wins. Camilla is in first place with five points, with Amy following with four and Dani with three. It’s anyone’s game!

Now it’s time for the final round which is a kissing challenge. Of course it is. The girls have to kiss the guys for 20 seconds, and then the exes have to rate how hot the kiss is from a scale of 1 to 10. This challenge is worth double points, Family Feud-style.

Jamin and Amy go first. They make out like a drunken couple on the dance floor. They receive a score of 25.5. Andre and Camilla go next. They smooch like they are auditioning for a soft-core skin flick on early 1990s Cinemax. They earn 29 points.

Dani is eager to top this score with her final guy, Taylor. However, Taylor refuses to kiss her in front of his ex Sarah Lynne. As expected, Dani flips out, accusing him of embarrassing her. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Dani doesn’t need any assistance embarrassing herself, she’s doing fine all by herself.

In the end, Camilla has the most points so she is the new HBIC. Good work! She asks Tyrone out on the date with her, and assigns Jamin to Amy and Shane to Dani. Ahhhh, how nice.

After the dust has settled, Dani and Tay Tay discuss what went down. They both start crying which is when I start laughing. She tells him to step up or he should go home. Meanwhile, Camilla lectures Joey on not throwing the challenge. She’s beginning to have doubts about his loyalty. Now there’s a surprise.

Dani, Amy, and Camilla now have the opportunity to interview the guys with their exes to dig up dirt. We learn that Tyrone is a lying cheater, Shane is a flirt, Casey likes blondes with big boobs, and Andre has had a threesome. Finally Taylor comes in with Sarah Lynne. SL reveals that Tay Tay is manipulative and cold and that he’s just pretending to still care about her. It’s almost like she’s trying to give him away, but she ain’t doing a good job selling him!

The interviews are over and now it’s time to get ready for the girls to go on their date, which will be on Catalina Island. Lucky b*tches. Camilla picks a provocative outfit from the Style Suite and receives a bracelet as well an envelope with her special power that she can’t open until elimination.

The girls all invite their second guys for the date: Andre for Dani, Joey for Camilla, and Taylor for Amy. They travel to Catalina and split up into their mini groups. Camilla presses Joey to declare what team he is on, but he won’t admit it. Tyrone gloats that he knows what team he is on… but then he doesn’t say it! Boooo!

The rest of the date is spent bullsh*ting over who is on Team What. Please, no one knows. Joey for the first time is getting kind of scared.

Back at the house, Camilla has to pick her guys for elimination. She ultimately chooses Andre, Shane, and Joey. The men plead their cases and Andre basically digs his own grave a la Danny from last week. He calls Camilla fake; after all, she should have picked Taylor instead of him since he won the challenge for her with that X-rated kiss. He then takes it a step further and said it doesn’t matter because she’s too loud and obnoxious to even sit at the same dinner table as his mama. This from the guy who last week admitted he needed to get laid every week. Pot, meet kettle. But whatever, I like Andre.

Dani and Amy agree to save Shane. At this point Camilla opens her envelope, which reveals she can make a power switch: she can swap out one of the two guys remaining and replace him with one of the guys currently NOT up for elimination. Burn! She agrees to do this, and Andre apologizes because he’s scared! She decides to save Joey and invites Jamin into the chamber of doom.

Despite the fact that Andre totally insulted her, in the end she decides to save him and instead send Jamin home since she never connected with him on an intimate level.

Andre—watch out!

Till next time—

Liz Out Loud

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