The Most Dangerous Modeling Game

By Michelle Collins

Well, Team Coco is down to only two: Stephanie and Margaux. There is a Britney-shaped dent left in the bed she once slept in, and it's making Margaux sad. Ebony on Team Karolina is thrilled to still be in the game. She tells us that from this point on we will see a tougher side of Ebony. I've definitely seen this movie before...


Today's Test Shoot Challenge is called “Move It Or Lose It,” and is loosely based on members of Team Naomi waiting for their Frapps at Starbucks.  Judging by the '80s Flashdance ensembles the girls are sporting, looks like we've got a dancing challenge on our hands. 

At the helm of America's Best Model Crew this week is Coco Rocha, who we find out was actually discovered at an Irish Dance Competition. Wait, huh? No, really. I have the GIF to prove it:

Um this is like an amazing gift that should not be kept out of American homes. I’ve finally realized what Las Vegas is missing...

Coco, why are you wasting your time judging a modeling competition when you could be the woman at the helm of your own Irish Dancing Empire?! 

Joining Coco is choreographer Salim Gauwloos, who has worked with the likes of Madonna and Britney Spears, before they started wheeling her around the stage like Hannibal Lecter

The girls will learn and eventually perform a dance routine in front of the cameras, and the winner takes home a personal gym compliments of Mad Dog Athletics.

The routine begins, and Devyn basically does the robot as the other models pirouette around her. 

Devyn says "This is the hardest test that I've ever had to deal with."

On the flip side of the Scantron, Ebony simply nails the routine. 

And her photos are stunning.  

Jocelyn is next. "I used to dance!" she assures Coco, whose face falls lower and lower as Jocelyn half-heartedly flings her arms around and kicks a pebble on the floor. Coco calls Jocelyn out on her "I used to dance business" by saying that "Rhythm doesn't leave you." Well it looks like Rhythm not only left Jocelyn, but took the security deposit and all the furniture. 

Sandra was adorable in her dance routine, and Madeleine wasn't terrible and only felt a bit stiff.  Margaux, still shaky from falling headfirst down a flight of stairs in a 48 pound wedding gown last week, gets her steps a little mixed up and ends up with so-so shots.

5, 6, 7, 8 now Devyn. Devyn was sure she would suck the worst, but WAIT! She ended up not being bad, even though her "dancing" was really more just "putting her hands on her hips and moving from side to side."

Energy! Energy! Did someone say Energy?

Stephanie reveals that she doesn't have dance experience per se, but she was in musicals in high school. Take it from me, "Jeana Val Jean" … this means nothing re: dance experience. But wait a second, Stephanie actually does great!! She nails the routine and looks beautiful in her shots. Even Coco is like "WTF," which translates into “Wow Truly Fantastic!”

Coco ends up crowning Ebony from Team Karolina the winner, which is the right choice.

Moving on to the Campaign challenge, which this week is for each team to shoot a Marshalls Spring Look Book.  The winner will get her photo on the Marshalls website, and the losing teams will send two girls to elimination.

The girls break-off into their teams to choose the dresses they'll wear for the shoot. Team Naomi captain Naomi Campbell checks up on her girls. Jocelyn explains to Naomi that they were planning on wearing matchingish dresses, and Naomi's like "That's nice, but actually you're all going to change because that's a terrible idea." Jocelyn takes it well...


Later, when Naomi asks to see what poses she plans on doing for the shoot, Jocelyn flat out refuses. Naomi takes it well. 

(She doesn't. She's right. ) And in the background, Sandra is just having the time of her life.

Coco Rocha has only two girls left on her team...  who are total MARSHALLS BFFs or so the ADS will tell you! Marguax and Steph's photoshoot plan is to just hook arms, lean sideways and laugh loudly enough to fill the empty space where their team members once stood. It's charming.

Karolina Kurkova also gives her team a once over with a "Yeah... no," and makes her team change looks altogether. Devyn is all "How does this bad attitude look for spring?" 

Judging this shoot is celebrity stylist Jen Rade. Team Karolina is first, and they put their differences aside to hook arms and hop forward like the best of model competitors.  Judge Jen Rade's eyeline-rimmed eyes grow ever-so-big as the shoot goes on.  

Not an easy woman to pose in front of, for sure. But kudos to Team Karolina, who in the end were able to do a pretty good job overall.

Team Coco Party of 2 is next, and they beeline for the accessory wall. As they debate over which espadrille truly screams "Spring!," judge Jen doesn't like how long they are taking. "You're fashion people, you should be able to make these decisions instantly!" she demands. To which Coco is like "OK!" and then continues taking her time at the Accessory Wall. It's almost like the time Koko the Gorilla got her first pair of sunglasses:

(Ed. Note: I’ve made it my goal to find a Coco/Koko comparison video for each weekly recap.)

Coco's relaxed attitude further angers judge Jen: "Like why are you not grabbing sunglasses, grabbing a belt, grabbing a hat?" she says with urgency, to which Coco responds, in a new character voice that I'm not against, "Because we's knows what we're doing!”

Stephanie poses in sunglasses and with her mouth open. In all that accessory wall time, she forgot to grab a purse or belt to spice up the look, and our judge makes note of it. Loudly. Ever protective of her girls, Coco is like "Who are you and why are you bothering my angel Stephanie?"

Thankfully, Margaux manages to calm the judge down with use of a bicycle and messenger bag. Once the girls start play-fighting over a beach ball, well our judge is practically on the edge of her seat with happiness. That's what it's about!


Team Naomi storms in and hits the accessory wall in a hurry. Naomi whips the girls into shape – pick this, not that! – etc., to which judge Jen responds "She's like a drill sergeant!" Huh? Naomi's not the only demanding one on this set.

Naomi's girls take the right approach to the drama with their See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil pose:


Jocelyn's individual shot is lacking any sort of personality, and by the time it's Sandra's turn, Joc realizes she'll be up a foul-smelling creek if her team loses. She begs Naomi for a few more shots, and Naynay is like "You had your time. Be gone." (Loose quote.)

JUDGING TIME. Can we agree with Devyn that this dress was terrible on her in so many ways?

I will actually forgive Devyn's bitching this week because she wasn't totally wrong.

Judge Jen analyzes the results, and surprise surprise, Team Naomi wins again! Naomi sheds tears, which make TGI Friday's fajita noises when they hit her cheeks. 

Nigel tells the girls that Team Naomi wins again, and Sandra runs across the room so quickly in her joy that she actually time travels back to 1956.  Her celebration continues in her room, as she does the touchdown dance on her bed, spiking an imaginary ball down directly in Jocelyn's face. Jocelyn's Su Doku games are actually just filled with "S O N D R A S U C K S" across every line.


These two begin to argue about what the appropriate amount of celebration consists of: Backflipping like a Martin stunt-double down 8th Avenue (Sandra), or using a stuffed shark as a pillow while listening to Elliott Smith on your Ipod (Jocelyn). Devyn busts in from next door and tell the two to keep it down.

But oh noooo y'all who shows up but Naomi herself, dressed in a repurposed Crocodile Hermes bag. “We have won three challenges and we are the most miserable team here!" Yup.

Honestly I felt like this mediation wasn't 100 percent completely fair to Jocelyn. Yes, she's a little stuck up and bratty, but to have her team gang up on her when she was just trying to play a relaxing game of Su Doku doesn't seem right. Has this inspirational wall message in the apartment taught them nothing??

Let’s cut to the chase because this recap is dragging and the Marshalls judge is standing here being like “MOVE IT ALONG.” Madeleine and Stephanie are picked to go to elimination. And even though it’s Stephanie’s third time in the room, Naomi decides to give Team Coco a break from “losing everyone” and instead sends Madeleine home. I liked Madeleine, thought she was pretty, laid back and a competent model. Which is probably why she was picked to go home, let’s be real. Naomie herself admitted to this too.

Next week, Naomi calls Karolina an idiot. I believe the exact quote is “Save it, you idiot.” Needless to say, I’ll be watching. What did you guys think of the elimination this week? Shocked? Appalled? Thrilled? Comments!

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