Get your lady goatees stenciled on, folks, as Episode 6 of The Face slicks its hair back, slaps a vest on, stuffs some Lady Footlocker socks down the front of its Z Cavaricci’s and never calls you again. It’s Gender Swap Week!! Starring none other than the best thing to happen to your life: Rupaul.
But first, Felisa was saved from elimination!
Anne V. comes back into the room and immediately apologizes to Lydia, whose icy stare says it all. Lydia looks like an angry wife. She doesn’t even have to say anything, just give Anne that look that says:
But Anne is immune to Lydia’s glare, as is her bra, which decided to stay home to avoid any second hand embarrassment.
Anne tells Lydia that she needs to fire up her girls, that she’s not stepping up to the mentoring challenge. Naomi pipes in to say “if you haven’t won one challenge, something is wrong.” Meanwhile Lydia’s team is like:
Lydia is “pissed Anne and Naomi are speaking to me like this. They have no idea what my strategy is.”
The truth of the matter is Lydia is far too dignified and well-bread to fight back. So instead, she takes her team to their bedroom for a little motivational sesh.
Enthused they are not. But can Lydia get her and her team’s act together for this week’s challenge?
LET’S FIND OUT!
Nigel Barker (pronounced Bahhh-kahhh in England) is here to tell us that this week is all about transformation. The girls will be posing as men, Boys Don’t Cry style, and posing in a passionate fashion spread with – who else? – their supermodel mentors. There to judge is Joe Zee (no relation to Anne V.), Creative director of Elle Magazine, who says the girls shouldn’t be “butch,” but to “be the man in the best way that you can be.”
The girls seem excited to get in touch with their masculine side, but lose their ess when they hear that there to get them into the Mind of Mancia is only the greatest thing to happen to modern pop culture…
RUPAUL CHARLES! Rupaul, host of Rupaul’s Drag Race, he with the laugh that can resurrect even the frowniest of faces. When I get to heaven, I hope the “pearly gates” are just Ru’s perfect teeth, gleaming in the sun, and that when they open to let me in (Ru willing), his angelic laugh washes over me as I’m taken away into the next chapter of my soul’s life. Imagine if this is what greeted you at the other end of the afterlife?
Ru will be there ironically guiding the ladies into becoming more of a “brothah.” But his main piece of advice? You betta:
The girls head over to get their androgynous hair and makeup done. Their mentors head over to try to get them in the man mood before the shoot. Here is Khadisha’s “Dude Face,” which you may recognize as the face of many a gay man deciding which margarita flavor he wants:
Meanwhile, Tiana’s been stressed, and has been breaking out. The show tries to make us feel really bad for the girl, but it’s like wait, she’s 5’9”, 105 pounds and gorgeous. Forehead zits STILL do not even the game of LIFE, so sorry Tiana, nice try, but my own forehead zits have already sent this scene to their spam mail folder.
Naomi checks in on her girls and thinks they’re “too neat.” And she should know, as Naomi herself has Posed Like A Man. Check it out:
Not only is she a drop dead gorgeous woman, she’s also a pretty hot man. Like, what am I even looking at? SHE LOOKS LIKE A YOUNG D’ANGELO.
Here is Naomi’s idea for her team’s passionate photo shoot. She wants Felisa (aka “Mike”) spying from behind a couch as Naomi slowly undoes Afiya’s (aka “Bob’s” lol) pants. Felisa is completely comfortable with the idea:
Tensions mount on Team Anne when Khadisha takes it upon herself to coach Sharon on her posing techniques. If you’ve seen enough reality shows, and I have seen enough to last me 10 lifetimes, you know this is exactly the kind of scene you will look back on at the end of the episode ironically. I’ve already said too much.
Lydia has an idea for her team: She will be sitting in between her love and her lover in the first shot, and eventually, her love and lover will fall in LOVE but with each OTHER. Lydia is also living out some dark fantasies this week. It’s like girl, put the Game of Thrones DVDs down, we have a show to make!
Meanwhile, Amanda’s man look is giving Leonardo Dicaprio a run for his billions:
Ru’s advice to Anne’s team is to see it in their own head in order for us to see it in the photo. He keeps it simple and tells them to “Break A Nail.”
Team Lydia shows off their lusty moves for Ru. Lydia and Amanda have a pretty good thing going on, but Ray sort of sits in the corner like a lonely girl at prom waiting to be asked to dance. Ru calls her out on it:
Ray is a sweetheart. This is a true challenge for her to try and man it up – she’s too nice. Ru throws his hands up in the air and decides instead to pick a fake fight with Afiya – I’m sorry, BOB – to rev her up. And maybe I’m not street enough, but it sounds like they’re having a fight over chicken and corn? Two things I’m fairly passionate about but have rarely come to blows over. They really get into this fight.
Team Lydia is up first. She seems to be a pretty good sport about it, as her girls who are boys put themselves into lovers quarrel positions. Amanda and Lydia both kill it. Like not to be that way, but I was shocked at how focused Amanda was through this whole episode. Ray, on the other manhand, sort of confused “Man Face” with “Oh No You Did Not Face,” and here is the result:
Let’s move on to Team Naomi.
Naomi, “Mike” and “Bob” engage in Naomi’s idea of a jealous lovers quarrel. It looks like Afiya’s fake fight with RuPaul was a real advantage, as she totally kills this photo shoot:
Felisa, however, is wayyyyy to sweet for this. I mean, she has a face that was born to sell face wash to teenagers. Try as she might, she just doesn’t get anywhere near “man” enough.
Team Anne is last. And what I found most disturbing about their photo shoot is just how much Tiana looks like Joseph Gordon Levitt as a man. Like, really. Wait a second… is it Joseph Gordon-Levitt?
I knew the guy was multi-talented, but this is ridiculous.
Team Anne did a great job, and frankly, I would have pegged them to win. Especially Sharon, who has slowly emerged as the girl to beat:
So here to shake things up a bit is judge Joe Zee. He likes Lydia’s first photo, but despite how great Amanda did in the shoot, thinks she’s playing it too hard.
He thinks Team Naomi looks great, but wishes there was more of a variation in their photo composition.
He also feels that Felisa could have gone harder in the shoot. His window for butchness may be the most narrow of any reality show judge I’ve ever seen.
Team Anne did a good enough job, but Joe rightly says that the only person he’s really looking at is Anne.
But who is the winner? Why, it’s Team Naomi! Mike and Bob really pulled it out of I actually don’t want to know where to secure this win.
Now that the show is only down to seven girls, choosing who goes to the elimination room is getting increasingly difficult.
All three of Anne’s girls are great, but in the end, she chooses to send Khadisha to the room. Khadisha was the weakest of the three, but given that Naomi loves her, it’s unlikely she would get sent home.
Lydia is in even bigger trouble, as she is now picking between two girls. It seems a no-brainer that Ray would be picked, as she was obviously the weaker of the two man-girls. But while everyone including your distant relatives who might not even watch this show agree that Amanda did a better job, Joe Zee disagreed. He was “intimidated” by her. Wait, doesn’t that mean she was awesome?? Make up your mind, The Face!!! With Joe Zee fresh on the brain, Lydia shockingly picks Amanda to go into the elimination room. Amanda, if you’re reading this: That ain’t right.
In the elimination room, the mood is tense, even moreso because is Amanda even wearing any pants?
Naomi praises Amanda’s performance, and goes deep when she asks if Amanda’s learned anything from Lydia. She responds honestly, saying Lydia’s a little too “nice” when it comes to the tough love aspect of her team. Naomi’s all:
Meanwhile, Khadisha’s all, through clenched teeth:
And Amanda’s all:
Naomi cuts to the chase: Would you choose another team if you had the chance? Amanda says yes with little hesitation. And in what may be the biggest shock of the season, Naomi decides to send Khadisha home. Her reasoning being she’s not fighting hard enough, and frankly could probably be a working model with or without the show. It is HEARTBREAKING to watch.
She collapses to the ground in tears. Naomi tells her to stand up as she’s a proud and elegant woman, which is true, but also one with matchstick legs and a fragile heart. She promises Naomi that she’ll hit the ground running, and will find an agent and continue pursuing her modeling career. And I don’t know if it’s the glass of wine I just downed or that maybe I’m getting attached to these girls, but I tear up a little watching Khadisha leave. DON’T LET NAOMI DOWN, GIRL. YOU GOT THIS. *Merlot Tear*
Next week things grow even more tense among the mentors, as Naomi confronts Lydia on her leadership skills, and tells Lydia about Amanda’s elimination confession.
Do you think Khadisha was fairly eliminated? And if not, who do you think should have gone home? (And no, you cannot say the mentors themselves.) Comments!