Emily on The Glee Project 103

Young ladies have to deal with so much to chase their dreams.  At first, I was excited to hear that ‘vulnerability’ was our next theme. I thought, "Here is my chance to show the mentors a different side of me!" Then I really thought about it and got pretty scared. I didn't know how far down the rabbit hole I should go. I realized that some of the things that I've been through had to be brought out and maybe I could help warn young aspiring artists about the dangers of being a vulnerable woman in the industry. People don't like to talk about the dark side of the business and the manipulative and deceitful things that go on behind the glamour and lights, but young ladies have to deal with so much to chase their dreams and get a chance. Right now, I'm not really ready to go into much detail on what happened to me because the pain is still there. I'm still trying to cope with this dark part of myself and I have made the best effort to never let it drag me under. Honestly, cracking jokes and relying on humor has really helped me keep positive and strong. So, I really only let people see that playful, flirty side because I hate showing my weakness. It was hard for me to let people in, but even writing this now is a big step in for me facing my vulnerabilities, and I truly appreciate the support of my fans.

The music video this week
was super hard to shoot! There was a lot of pain there and it was hard for me to stay in the zone. Walking around with the sign that said “USED” felt like what happened to me became concrete and there was no escaping. I’ve tried so hard to forget and let go of what happened, so being brought there again with the words “USED” hit me hard. The dark side that I try so much to hide was so open to everyone. My body was trembling and my head was reeling during the whole thing. It's an issue that I'm still in the process of coping with and I haven't fully healed. So, yes it was a struggle. It was hard for me to stay in that dark place because my instincts wanted me to push it back and stop this painful moment. It was also very hard to see my cast mates put themselves out there as well, especially Marissa, Alex, and Hannah. I love them and hated seeing them suffer.

See photos from the episode here.

I knew that I was going to be in the bottom three because of the trouble I had. It was sad to learn I was going against Cameron and Damian. I got along with them really well, so it sucked going against my friends! I was excited that a got the song “Grenade”! I love Bruno Mars! I didn't know the song that well but still!! It's so nerve-wracking to be in the bottom three, knowing that you have only a couple hours to learn a song and perform the hell out of it!! My thought process was to put myself out there and give it my all because I would rather Ryan Murphy tell me to tone it down rather than tell me I didn't give enough.

I already prepared myself to face the fact that I might be going home, I had a feeling! I knew that Ryan Murphy would want to see more of what Cameron and Damian had to offer. As for me, I figured I got sent home because Glee already has somewhat of a similar character already on the show. I will be honest, a piece of me was hoping my gut instinct was wrong because if you look you can see similarities from the characters of Glee in every one of us, not just me. But I was happy for Damian and Cameron. It hurt, but I would rather lose to them than anyone else! I wish all the contenders the best! This opportunity to compete in the Glee Project has been more than I could have ever asked for!

The Glee project was an amazing and beautiful experience. I learned so much from Robert, Zach, Nikki, and Ryan. I even learned a lot from my beautiful and talented cast mates! Even though I initially didn't think I would make friends in such a competitive setting, I ended up falling in love with the rest of the cast. I met some really fantastic people and I know that this is only the beginning for us. I love The Glee Project for giving us this opportunity. I have grown and changed so much for the better.

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