I was SO pumped for Actability- I had a feeling this theme would be coming eventually! I was really excited to show the mentors the acting chops I knew I had.
Robert talked about how important it is to be a triple threat. I consider myself to be a double and a half threat? Haha I'm not the best dancer, but I can move!
I thought the flash card thing was stupid hahahaha... real acting isn't reading off of a flash card. It's much more than that. I think I played this game in theatre class when I was 12.
I was pretty nervous about my character in the music video. It wasn't trying to be insecure that was difficult, it was the car crash part. The gravity of that situation is heavy. And I knew that I had to portray realistic emotions.
Improvising scenes were easier than I thought. I was very lucky to get Ali who is a seasoned PRO! I felt like I really connected with her. All inhibitions about the scene being good enough flew out of my head. And I was just present, like Dianna told us to be.
I was confused about the final speeches. I didn't realize they were "final speeches" I thought they were just giving us advice. But I did smell something fishy... And low and behold WE ARE ALL DOING A LAST CHANCE PERFORMANCE!.... but what? For ALL OF THE WRITERS OF GLEE!? UHMMM did I just die?
I was nervous and excited to perform in front of all of the writers of Glee. It was weird to me, at first, that we were all going to be compared to each other in one night. It was great for me because I knew I could kick ass on that stage, but in a way, it was almost like the finale... these were ultimately the people who decided our fate.
When I found out I got "Son of a Preacher Man," I was a little disappointed because it wasn't very DEEP or DRAMATIC or SHOW STOPPING. So I knew I had to whip out a few tricks. And I felt good about the performance.
Honestly I was in complete and utter shock that Michael and I were both going home. First, I didn't think there could be a double elimination. And second, I honestly thought "how could it be over after all of this" I was expecting to wake up and find myself in my TGP bed.
My elimination was frustrating. I got to the point where I had done everything I could. I wasn't eliminated because I did something wrong, or I didn't have the acting or singing or dancing chops. It was because I was already written in their minds. They saw a big girl and immediately I'm Mercedes or Lauren. Just because we are all over a size 12 doesn't mean our stories are the same.
But regardless of how much I wanted this show, or how much I still do, I know that I have left this competition with people who understand me. People who have seen me at my LOWEST and are still by my side. And these people (on and off camera) have helped shaped my loud, abrupt, brassy nature into a more gentle and understanding human being.
Check out Lily's videos here.