Dance-Ability week was exhausting, so Vulnerability was fitting to follow it. We all came out of week two upset about disappointing Zach in the music video, and upset about Dani's elimination, so we were already in a vulnerable place at the start of the week.
It's always amazing to have a guest mentor from GLEE critique us and give us advice. I don't identify with Cory's character, Finn, but I was thankful to get feedback from one of the stars of the show that I aspire to be on. Cory was very sweet and his comments were very helpful. He was a great guest mentor.
As a half black, half white, Jewish, transgender person, I've always felt out of place everywhere I've been in my life. Discovering my identity has been an incredibly long, difficult, and confusing journey, and I have lost many friends along the way. I've been preached at, been told I need mental help, been told that I am wrong about who I am, and have been told that I'm wrong for existing as who I am. All from people who I once called my closest friends. I've been isolated and alone, and I know how it feels to carry an unbelievable amount of weight on my shoulders. Music and my passion for learning and life experience got me through, even when I wasn't able to pull myself out of bed. I've always wanted and needed to be true to myself, and I've always had the desire to help others do the same. I hope that people will identify with this episode of The Glee Project and will know that there are others who have survived (and thrive on the other side of) the same storms they're weathering right now.
I really stayed in my head for the music video shoot. I had to remain in that hurt, vulnerable mental state in order to convey the appropriate emotion for the video. I hardly talked to anyone during the shoot. I wrote in my journal a little bit, but then decided that it was best to keep everything in my head in order to stay emotional and vulnerable. It was an incredibly difficult and emotionally taxing day. It was especially strange because I was essentially re-living my high school experience on set, and I'd never want to go back to high school.
Vulnerability week was such an internal week for me. I was focusing on my headspace the entire week so that I could give an honest and accurate performance. I was so excited to be safe from the bottom three for the first time that I didn't really focus on anyone else.
I was pretty shocked hearing Mario's comment about everyone not hitting their notes. I don’t know why he felt the need to bring us all down after such a difficult week. We all gave every performance (in the studio and at the video shoot) everything we had. Everyone was emotionally drained and just wanted to relax and rejoice in the fact that we didn't have to be so raw anymore. Then Mario decided to critique everyone else's performance in order to make it seem like someone else should have been in the bottom three instead of him. It was pretty insulting and put everyone in an even stranger mood.
When everyone was called back, I definitely put on a smile to make everyone feel less uncomfortable, but I do wish someone would have gone home. It is a competition, after all.
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