The Barack Obama White House has been a pleasure. Sure, there have been difficult times over the last eight years. Congress hasn't made his life easy. He's had to deal with his share of serious tragedies. And he knows what it’s like to be the subject of racist vitriole. But one thing he may never know again—if he ever did—is what it’s like to not have people in your corner, rooting for you along the way. Sure, you may have your issues with the politician, but when it comes to the person— Obama’s the man!
The reality is setting in, and it’s setting in hard. We may never have another President cool enough to use language like, “if folks wanna pop off.” I know I’m not the only one going through it. Follow me down these 11 stages of grieving the inevitable end to the Obama White House:
Stage 1. . Shock
How in the hell did eight years go by so fast? Did we jump into a time machine? Just yesterday I was rejoicing in college, thinking of all the ways to bring up this new black man in the highest ranked office in the world as a rebuttal to every debate. Now, the life we've been happily living is coming to an abrupt end. What will we do? How will we be able to sing "My President Is Black" without breaking down into tears? There's confusion all around. This makes no sense.
Stage 2. . Denial
Listen, Hillary, girl-- I know you've been trying to get Obama's spot for a long while now, but he's still so young. And he relates so well to the millennials, unlike you. We just need you and Uncle Bernie to have a seat for a few more years. There's no rush on Obama's part. He's even said he has two more years left in Washington, D.C. I vote we just let the man continue his stay on Pennsylvania Avenue.
Stage 3. . Pain
All I keep thinking about is the many ways he will never be duplicated. Who can do the smooth Obama walk, but Obama? Who can make simple, every day moments monumental? Like that time he sang Al Green's “Let’s Stay Together" at the podium. Or his never-ending love affair with hip-hop. There’s that speech he gave in Jamaica when he asked the locals, “wha gwan?” The constant clowning of the GOP, particularly within the last two years. And that time he showed the world what code-switching looks like via a handshake with Kevin Durant. We’ve watched this man cry (on several occasions, joyous and sad), laugh with his melanated skin a-glistening, and even let a young black boy touch his hair in the Oval office. I mean, when will we ever have another man like this in office? Pass the tissues.
Stage 4. . Guilt
How did we allow this to happen? How did we allow eight years to go by without making Obama's administration a dictatorship? Is there nothing we could have done to prevent this? Should we have elected Hillary the first time, so that we could have Obama now? And what will happen to innocent Bo? Will he go with the Obamas or will they keep him at the White House? Please tell me Michelle will house him in their new home. Please tell me Malia and Sasha can't live their lives without our favorite furry animal. We need someone to win from this whole ordeal.
Stage 5. . Anger
"In the game of thrones, YOU WIN OR DIE!" said the fictional character Cersei who is always overly dramatic, but correct. WHAT OTHER FATE IS THERE FOR US AT THIS POINT? CAPITAL LETTERS AND EXCLAMATION POINTS ARE THE ONLY THINGS THAT MAKE SENSE!!!
Stage 6. . Bargaining
We're living in the 21st century. There has to be something-- other than money we don't have-- that could make the GOP turn a blind eye to at least another few years of an Obama administration. Maybe we could offer up Raven Symone as collateral? Or even coax Trump into stepping down-- which would make everyone owe us their lives. Think about all the amazing Joe Biden moments that will go unseen. Those have to be worth at least a billion dollars, right Joe?
Stage 7. . Sadness/Depression/Reflection
Every day I hear another quote from Donald Trump, or see some strange, awkard gaffes from Ted Cruz, hear about another Bernie Sanders $27 donation, or live through another pandering episode of Hillary Clinton-- I taste a tear. Oh Obama, are any of them truly worthy? Let me just sit here with my Obama coffee cup and stare out the window for a moment or so.
Stage 8. . Numb
Still staring out the window...
Stage 9. . Adjustment/Upward Turn
After staring out the window, you will come to find that life goes on. Obama may be leaving the White House, but he will still make public apperances. He will still be out and about, there will be people to take photos, and make videos, and give us all a boost every now and again. This, we must remember.
Stage 8. . Acceptance
After all, the man deserves a break... right? Look at this health insurance many of us now have. Look at these wonderful memories of the White House granted to us, as Obama ushered in a new digital platform into the WH. And Michelle will still be there by his side, slaying. He will get to see his oldest daughter off to college with privacy. And best of all-- he can get started on that new post-presidential memoir he's never spoken about, but is a necessity to my book collection.
Stage 8. . Hope
The truth is: Obama set the charismatic bar up so high, that the next person will either fall so short as to not compete, or turn it up a notch to at least get an inch of the public approval Barck has. Either way, we will be fine. And we will have old videos to watch. And I'm sure there will be documentaries and things to come out of it. And sure, Michelle will probably say "hell nawl" to a reality show, but maybe Obama will talk her into doing a special here and there. They are not saying 'goodbye.' The Obamas are simply moving on. And that's okay. Their duty is done... in January.