January is the worst month of the year, there is no doubt about it. You just took your longest vacation of the year, the weather will just get worse, and now your stomach and liver have to deal with all the rich dairy food you housed when your life was more fun in December. And what do we do to combat this? We take away the last, fleeting bits of happiness by forcing ourselves to eat healthier and go to the gym and do other, useless resolutions like respond to e-mails faster. Here's one that will allow you to indulge elsewhere: I suggest…not drinking alcohol?
I know. I know. The idea of Drynuary makes you want to chew on aluminum foil and spit it back in my face. The idea of not drinking for a whole month seems difficult and unnecessary and downright stupid when there are hot toddys to be drank (or chugged, if you’re watching the last ten minutes of the OA season finale). Drinking is fun! Drinking is all we have! But I actually have a pretty good case as to why you should consider giving up the sauce for the month, or a few weeks, or every day of the year but Inauguration Day. I promise they are real reasons that you will like. I list them below:
1. . You Can Eat More
A glass of wine has over 100 calories, and a whiskey with Coke can have almost 200. How many glasses of wine do you have on a night out? How many whiskey drinks do you chug when you’re listening to some dude talk about his resolution to get his start-up off the ground? Do you know that a Doritos Locos Taco from Taco Bell has around 170 calories? Do you see where I’m going with this? You can either have a Doritos Locos taco on a Friday night, or a couple of glasses of wine. The taco is arguably healthier, if you’re counting calories only. Think of all the things you can eat, guilt-free, instead of drinking alcohol. End the night with some chips or ice cream instead of settling your tab at a bar. And if you’re really feeling inspiring and #fitspo, you can eat marginally healthy all month and feel better about yourself without ever having to step into a gym. Because you will be drinking less alcohol, and therefore you are healthier!
2. . You'll Actually Save Money
Booze is expensive. Whenever I read these “save money” resolution articles, they always suggest the same tips on how to save money. Give up the morning latte. Say no to that one cocktail after work. Don’t buy a new outfit for every special occasion. Okay! Great tips. If I give up my occasional bodega coffee, one of my four cheap happy hour cocktails, and two Forever21 dresses for one month, I’d save around…75 bucks. But if I give up drinking for an entire month, I’d probably be one of those annoying people who travels to Europe with the pennies they put in some glass Pinterest jar. Think about it. Bottles of wine are around 12 bucks. Late night cocktails are $10 each. Cabs home from bars aren’t so cheap. 4 a.m. diner runs. Beers at the bodega. All that stuff will add up, and then you can buy yourself something really great with the money you save, like a trip to the eye doctor.
3. . You Can Cancel All Your Plans
Why even go out when you can’t drink? If you’re a person who is sober, you probably had to adjust to going out to parties and events without being able to drink. It probably took more than a month. It probably took some practice and getting used to. But if you’re not trying to do this forever, why practice now? Give yourself a break from seeing people at all. Just stay in every weekend. Who cares? And if you have something really important to attend, you’ve got the best excuse in the world. Take it from sober people. Sober people love to bow out early, because why stick around when everybody is speaking nonsense and constantly hugging each other? Leave everything you go to super early, and spend a whole month being as anti-social as you secretly want to be.
4. . You Deserve A Small Victory
Oh, man. This world is so stacked against us right now. The bees are dying, our president-elect tweets about nuclear war, you gave too many people your Netflix password and now you can’t watch it, and Ted Cruz is still roaming the streets even though he is the Zodiac Killer. Can’t we just have one nice thing? Can’t we just have one little personal victory where we show ourselves that we are strong, capable, good human beings? Can’t we just do this one good thing for our bodies? Why do we have to let everything we touch turn to trash?!
5. . Drinking Is Killing Us All
Oh, and there’s that. Drinking is poison, and we spend a little too much time waking up with headaches at 2pm on a Saturday because we needed an escape from our anxiety and reality the night before. I know. It’s fun. Believe me, I know how great it is to just forget things once and a while. But drinking has some terrible effects on our bodies and it also makes us lose our credit cards and text our exes and drop our phones in the toilet. So maybe you’ll enjoy one friggin month in a long stretch of months with a clear mind, more money, less poison, and probably better skin. Try it out!