So, it’s over. The thrill is gone. Love don’t live here anymore. You want him out of your life—and to the left, to the left! Breakups are a part of dating--- you’ll probably have to dump someone at some point---but they don’t have to suck. You CAN end a relationship without turning into a total emo, psycho scumbag. Keep your heart (and his) and avoid these common dumping mistakes.
1. The Old Hot & Cold
Kind of…sometimes…maybe? If you want to dump him, the first step is to DO IT. Don’t drag him along by being hot one day and cold the other. On-again, off-again is confusing and mean. Plus, we all know how much we hate when dudes are vague. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
2. Put It in Writing
“I’m sorry. I can’t. Don’t hate me.” Remember when Berger dumped Carrie on Sex & The City with a Post-it note? He went from perfect, loveable soul mate to worst human who ever lived on this planet. Don’t be a Berger. Break up in person. Text, email and office stationery are not the way to do it.
3. Blame Game
It’s not me, it’s YOU. Don’t use the breakup as an excuse to tell your ex off. The poor guy feels bad enough...or if he's a jerk, why engage him further? There’s no need to kick him while he’s down and tell him all the reasons why he sucks at life.
4. On to the Next One
What’s worse than getting dumped? Getting dumped for someone else. If you’re trading him in for a better model, be honest. Don’t lie---your new, romantic Instagram posts will blow your cover---but don’t give too many details. Your ex doesn’t need to know why your new man is infinitely smarter, hotter, richer and more successful than he’ll ever be. T.M.I.
5. Tweet Tweet!
Remember Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s famous “conscious uncoupling”? When celebrities break up, their publicists send out press releases. When you break up, the world does not need to know. Don’t share messages on social media like #SingleReadytoMingle and #MenSuck. Mutual friends, coworkers and trolls don’t need to be up in your breakup business.
6. Breakups to Makeups Whiplash
One night, you're cold and lonely. Suddenly, you’re reeling and trying to get him back. Relationships aren’t like eBay; you can’t have seller’s remorse. Wait it out, and it too shall pass. If you really DO want to get him back, there’s a way…but we’ll cover that in another post.
7. Why Can’t We Be Friends?
Let’s be friends. The three words most feared words in any relationship. After you’ve dumped him, all he hears is: “I’m not attracted to you and I don’t want to see you naked ever but we should totally hang out so I can rub in your face all the new guys I’m seeing!” You may or may not be friends with your ex. In most cases, it’s the person who gets dumped who gets to decide whether they can be “just friends.” Fall back. Let him process the breakup and come to you.