Chris Brown Says He Felt Like A "F*cking Monster" After Hitting Rihanna

"We would fight each other. She would hit me, I would hit her, and it never was OK."

By Sharon Lynn Pruitt

Chris Brown is opening up about his past relationship with Rihanna.

People reports that in his new documentary Chris Brown: Welcome To My Life, the singer/rapper spoke candidly about his much-publicized past, including the many problems he and Rihanna had, as well as what happened the night he assaulted his then-girlfriend.

Chris revealed that the trouble in their relationship really started after he admitted to sleeping with a woman prior to their relationship whom he'd previously denied being with.

"My trust totally was lost with her," Brown said. "She hated me after that. I tried everything, she didn't care. She just didn't trust me after that. From there, it just went downhill because there were too many verbal fights, physical fights as well. Mutual sides."

"We would fight each other," he continued. "She would hit me, I would hit her and it never was OK."

Brown went on to say that there came a point when they both realized how unhealthy their behavior was.

"There was always a point where we'd talk about it like, 'What the f*ck are we doing?'" he said. "Like, 'I don't like you slapping me.' If I go on stage I got a scratch on my face and I gotta explain it like, 'Oh, no, I fell.' If you got a scar or a bruise you gotta put makeup on. I'm not ever trying to put my hands on any female."

"I felt like a f*cking monster," he added.

Brown went on to describe the assault that took place on the night of the Grammys in 2009. According to Brown, things went left when he and Rihanna ran into the same woman with whom he'd previously had a sexual relationship.

"The ceremony's about to start, she's just crying," Brown recalled. "She got over it. She started drinking a little bit, we both was drinking a little bit. We were both drinking a little bit, laughing, joking. And then we left."

Later on that night, Rihanna found a text from the same woman on Brown's phone.

"She starts going off, she throws the phone," he said. "'I hate you.' Starts hitting me… She hits me a couple of more times and it doesn't go from translation to 'Let's sit down, I'm telling you the truth.' It goes to, 'Now I'm going to be mean, be evil.'"

"Like I remember she tried to kick me, just like her beating sh*t, but then I really hit her," he continued. "With a closed fist, like, I punched her, and it busted her lip, and when I saw it, I was in shock, I was like, 'F*ck, why did I hit her like that?' From there she just spit in my face, spit blood in my face and it enraged me even more."

Brown seems to still struggle with what he did, saying, "That's not me," when shown a photo of Rihanna's face after the assault that night.

"I look back at that picture and I'm like that's not me, bro, that's not me," he said. "I hate it to this day. That's going to haunt me forever."

You can check out a clip from Chris Brown: Welcome To My Life below.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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