Oh, Barack. You came, Oprah told us to vote for you, we did, and we owe her even more money than even she could imagine having right now. What would our world look like without eight years of Mr. and Mrs. Obama in office? We are all going through a difficult time thinking about your departure— seriously, here's how we're coping through the process. But today isn't about the grief we feel, it's about the joy you've brought to our lives. So today, on this day, we honor your 55th birthday and the birth of a post-racial world, (you know, before it became racial again).
Happy Birthday, Mr. President. Here is why we will never say goodbye (because you can't make us)!
To begin, you allowed a young black boy to touch your hair to prove that someone just like him could hold the highest office in the country.
And remember that time you burned Donald Trump and his birther issues in 2011 with an iconic hip hop reference?
"No one is happier to put this birth certificate matter to rest than the Donald and that’s because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter. Like, did we fake the moon landing? What really happened in Roswell? And where are Biggie and Tupac?"
Who else's amazing wife could recite a Missy Elliott verse on camera... flawlessly? We see you, FLOTUS.
Good choice, 'bama.
Um, what? Our black President watches Game Of Thrones...
...Damn near religiously as I do! *Cough* Read this! *Cough*
You used the black colloquiel term pop off in a serious political speech, and the internet did something amazing with it.
And the love between yourself and your VP Joe Biden is unmatched in presidential history... at least since the digital age.
And you know it, too. Your joke about the anti-gay state of Indiana sent waves of love through all of our bodies. "I tease Joe sometimes, but he has been at my side for seven years, I love that man. He’s not just a great vice president, he is a great friend. We’ve gotten so close in some places in Indiana, they won’t serve us pizza anymore."
Honestly, I could go on and on but I'm not sure if my heart could take it. Happy Birthday... and please don't go!!!
[Photo: Getty Images, Pete Souza/The White House]