What Tinder Profile Pics Really Say About Guys



'Funny Girls' star and Tinder-dater extraordinaire Nicole Aimee Schreiber gives a few tips to help you successfully navigate your way to a free dinner, casual sex and a whole lot of validation!


Trying to decide who’s worthy of a right swipe can make you feel like Jeremy Renner in The Hurt Locker. If you chose wrong, you’re screwed. If you chose right, you’re also screwed ;-). If a picture is worth a thousand words, some guys are giving you a dissertation of red flags. Here are a few kind of guys to look out for.


1.WHAT HE THINKS IT SAYS: Look, I have lady friends. I’m a good guy who values a platonic relationship with women.

WHAT IT REALLY SAYS: He has women in his life who will constantly make you insecure about his feelings for you. Oh and he’s either hooked up with them or he’s “thought” about it.

While friendship is a beautiful thing, competition isn’t. When we see a picture of you, we want to imagine our life with you, not our life with you and a harem of women.



2. WHAT HE THINKS IT SAYS: My body is my temple.

WHAT IT REALLY SAYS: His body is all he has.

Body shots on Tinder are desperate. Period. End of story. Don’t think we don’t know what you’re trying to do. We have boobs, ya know, so stop trying to use your abs (or lack thereof) to distract us from the fact that you have no other redeeming qualities. #DontFreeTheNipple



3. WHAT HE THINKS IT SAYS: I love all the earth’s creatures.

WHAT IT REALLY SAYS: He’s a sweet guy and you should give him a chance.

Unlike topless pics that try to distract you from the fact that a guy is probably a douche bag, animal pics usually mean he’s a good guy. Caution though, there are many wolves in hipster's clothes out there so be sure to check out his other pics for clues.



4. WHAT HE THINKS IT SAYS: I’m artsy and mysterious

WHAT IT REALLY SAYS: He’s shady and probably ugly

Guys, if after multiple profile pictures I still don’t have a damn clue what you look like I’m going to assume that you’re hiding something besides your bad hairline. This guy wrote in his about section that boring guys finish last...AND HE WAS RIGHT! Save the artsy pics for Instagram and save the private jet pic for SugarDaddy.com.



5. WHAT HE THINKS IT SAYS: Me and my boys having fun!

WHAT IT REALLY SAYS: Cool, so which one is you?

While I appreciate a guy who values time with his boys, maybe don’t use a group shot as your main (or only) Tinder pic. Same thing goes for you ladies. We are already sifting through a giant clearance rack, so let’s try and make the road to sex...I mean success at little easier. SIDE NOTE: It doesn’t hurt if all the guys in the pic are cute--I love options.



6.WHAT HE THINKS IT SAYS: I’m super funny.

WHAT IT REALLY SAYS: He’s super funny.

Every now and then a guy on Tinder gets it right. While it may not always be clear what he looks like, it’s nice to know that at least you’ll have some witty banter foreplay. I don’t know about all you ladies, but nothing gets us Funny Girls hotter than a guy with a really big punchline.

SWIPE VERDICT: Right to the bedroom!


Nicole Aimee Schreiber can be seen on Oxygen's Funny Girls, and on Tinder (if you're lucky.)

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