What To Do When He Disappears And Ghosts On You

Where did he go?

By Sowmya Krishnamurthy

Now you see him, now you don’t! No, it’s no an illusion. That guy that you’ve been talking to, dating or crushing on has disappeared on you. He’s missing in action. Your calls go straight to voicemail. Your texts don’t get a response.  You’ve checked his social media and he’s not dead—phew-- or in a hospital with his dialing fingers wrapped up in a cast. So what gives? You’ve been ghosted. Between the rise of technology and the downfall of society, guys have gotten flakier and going radio silent is an acceptable means of dating communication. Here are 5 ways to deal when you get the ghost.

1. Ghost Back

Anything you can do, I can do better. Show him that you “ain’t afraid of no ghost” and do the same thing back to him. Let him come to you. If he doesn’t, cool, he sucks anyways. If you need to ward off temptation, delete his number from your phone (but write it down for emergency use).

2. Feed the Lurker/Feed Your Soul

If you’re ghosting him, you have a lot more time on your hands. Use it and live an awesome life. Hang out with friends, get a new hair style or travel. Be fabulous! Oh, and feel free to post all this awesomeness on social media so somebody who may be stalking your Instagram on the low can see it.

3. No Contact

If his ghosting is driving you truly psycho, clearly, this is isn’t a healthy relationship. You may need a dose of No Contact to get your head and emotions in order. The No Contact Rule (or, NC Rule) is exactly that—go radio silent. You are not allowed to call, text or Tweet this man. It’s advisable to ignore him on all social media too—no lurking! The minimum is 21 days but based on how obsessed you are you may need 30 days to three months before you’ve fully exorcised your crazy. In this time, he is likely to come around. It’s human nature to want what we can’t have, right? Ignore him. Focus on yourself (See above) and when the full period of NC is up, then you can decide when—and if—you want to talk to him.

4. Confront Him

If you can’t ignore him, then you may have to confront him on his behavior. Ask him what’s going on and let him know how his ghosting is affecting you. Don’t be creepy or desperate about it. He may not want to talk to you at all. If he does, try to be understanding of where he’s coming from. Be calm and don’t let your emotions drive you into saying something you may regret. A simple, “Hey. I haven’t heard from you. I want to make sure you’re okay and would love to talk,” is more than enough.

5. Confront Him (in Person)

I prefer to have important conversations in person. If you want to have a real dialogue about what’s going on, try to have it in person. He can’t escape the hard truths when you’re standing right here. Running into him—either planned in advance or because you’re a stalker and know his schedule—may be a good idea. Warning: Only for advanced daters. Don’t do this until you’ve had time to calm down and can have an emotionally mature conversation. No throwing shoes, phones or martinis in his face. No pleading or asking him to take you back, either. Whatever happens, take it like a champ.

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