Hello my people—
On this week’s episode of Bachelorette Party: Las Vegas, we explore the Lifestyles of the Nice and Normal, where we meet the completely level-headed bride-to-be Katie and her posse of dancing friends. In addition to being sane, they are also actually fun.
Katie is engaged to a very nice boy named Chad who proposed in front of the Statue of Liberty. How romantic! Especially if it was while they were aboard the Staten Island Ferry!
We go to Vegas to meet the Palms VIP team Jon, JROC, and Elliot. Erin is there too, but she’s like the Charlie Chaplin of bachelorette parties: silent. Jon explains that Katie and her bridesmaids were members of a dance team during college that won a national championship…six years ago. He wants them to dance onstage at Rain, a huge nightclub that houses, oh, just 2000 partiers on any given night! JROC is a little apprehensive but Jon’s the boss so he agrees.
The girls arrive in Vegas. They are all dancers except for Tara, who proceeds to tell us this 782 times during the hour. I had NO IDEA that one of the greatest injustices in life is being a pretty blonde who is not a dancer, but Tara enlightened me. Thanks T!
Nice and normal Katie expresses to her friends how grateful she is they all came to Vegas for her party. She’s just sad because two of her bridesmaids and former dance teammates, Jenna and Laurie, could not make the trip. Hmmmm, I have a hunch that there could be a surprise in store for Katie. Just call me Detective Liz Out Loud.
Jon takes the ladies to the Sky Villa, where there is a sauna, a photo booth, and, drumroll please, a dance floor! And look—Jon and JROC brought in a Vegas dance team to see how the girls could keep up! After all—they’re going to be dancing at Rain and the VIP team has a reputation to uphold.
The bridal team and the VIP squad board a party bus. The girls actually look fairly tasteful in their outfits, which is a rarity at bachelorette parties in Vegas. They start playing Truth or Dare. Tara chooses dare! And she has to take a body shot off of JROC. JROC is a good sport, but you have the feeling he’d rather be home watching football. Or playing Sudoku. Or clipping coupons.
The next morning, rolls of toilet paper are delivered to the Sky Villa right about the same time that JROC and Elliot show up. Perfect timing! Maid of honor Ashley announces that they are going to play a game: they are going to design wedding dresses out of toilet paper and the guys are going to be the models! Wow! So fun! Again, JROC looks like he’d rather play Sudoku. His team wins though!
Jon takes the girls on a tour of the property because they are VIPs. They go to Rain Nightclub. JROC boasts that every famous band you can think of has played there, including Linkin Park, Black Eyed Peas, and P Diddy. What, no Beatles? He tells them that THEY TOO will have an opportunity to perform there, in a dance routine choreographed by Robin Antin, one of the founders of the Pussycat Dolls. At this point, yet another surprise is revealed . . . bridesmaids Laurie and Jenna are here! Detective Liz Out Loud knew that something was up! Tara whines that while she is happy to see her friends, now there are even MORE dancers and she is the only non-dancer. Tara sure knows how to handle adversity!
The girls return to their suite. The ray of sunshine we call Tara tells Katie she isn’t going to do the dance. Katie BEGS her to do it.
Tara finally agrees to do the dance. Elliot brings some slutty costumes back to the suite for the performance. Conservative Katie tries on a gold number that is the same shade as her skin tone. Not a good look. She settles on a black number with short shorts and a high neckline. They go to Rain where JROC introduces them to the huge crowd. They do a decent job!
The girls stay out til 4:30am. No one seems to get too drunk. They return to the Villa where a couple of them change into their pajamas, which makes me love them. You know they just want to make popcorn and watch Golden Girls reruns on basic cable. My kind of people.
The next morning Katie shows us what a nice and normal person she is when she thanks all her friends for coming to celebrate her bachelorette party with her. She is so grateful to have these ladies in her life. Damn, she cracked the hard shell that protects my cold, cold heart. I want to be her friend!
This bachelorette party has come to an end. I am sad, but happy for Katie. Have a great wedding!
Sayonara kidz, and we’ll talk again next week when we are introduced to another _______ (Mad Libs time, I need an adjective!) bride.
Liz Out Loud
Hello my people—