BGC 908 Recap: Miserella
Another dia, another episode of the Bad Girls Club. I am looking forward to an hour of unicorns, Popsicles, and candy corn. That’s how it ALWAYS is, right?
Wrong! More like battering rams, Jello shots, and Twizzlers (to use as straws for margaritas!) But hey, how else would you want to ring in September. Let’s go!
Falen is still stung by Mehgan calling her cheap because it’s MEHGAN that’s cheap. Falen can pay her own bills, thankyouverymuch. After all, she’s a socialite from the third biggest city in Massachusetts!
Meanwhile, everyone is waiting for the new girl to arrive since Christina left. We all know the Bad Girls Club has a long history of being really accommodating to newcomers, so I imagine they are busy in the kitchen baking pies and cookies to welcome their new roommate.
They all go out to lunch and when they return to the house, the new girl’s picture is up. They declare that she looks mean, so naturally they will haze her. Andrea, the former new girl, is a little kinder, saying she’ll be nice. She also has a hunch that this girl is going to be a lesbian or bisexual because Andrea apparently has gay radar sunglasses.
Well, no time to fret because they all have to go out to a sex shop and buy Falen a maid of honor of outfit. Did you forget that Julie and Rima are now BFFs and are getting married?!
After picking out a VERY classy outfit (of course), they go back to the house and wait for the new girl. She arrives, and of course they have locked her out! They finally let her in and we find out that Andrea is a real soothsayer—turns out Zuly (yup, that’s her name- rhymes with Julie- not the month before August) likes chicks!
Zuly wastes no time. She immediately compliments the girls, calling Rima one “sexy a** b*tch.” So now they all like Zuly because she flatters their egos. Hazing is cancelled. What would Dani and Gabi think???
Shockingly, everyone is getting along. Mehgan, always the hospitable hostess, asks Zuly when she came out and how her family reacted. Twenty-one, she replies, and her mom kicked her out of the house and called her a name that not even I will repeat in this blog. Eventually, mom came around and now is accepting of Zuly’s lifestyle. Yea for tolerance!
Now it’s time for Julie and Rima’s bachelor/ette party! Yeah! At the club everyone is making out with everyone. It’s like Zuly sprinkled lesbian stardust over the girls! Back at the house, Falen, Rima, Julie, Ashley, and Zuly jump in the Jacuzzi and engage in a brokedown orgy. Things get freaky but Mehgan and Andrea just go to bed.
Well they all wake up with hangovers, I assume, because they certainly look like they had a ROUGH night! Ash, Rima, Zuly, and Andrea go out to lunch. Rima’s driving fast, and Ashley politely asks her to slow down. Rima flips the f#$@ out. She’s all, I do what I want to do, don’t control me! And I’m all, home girl is just scared! Dios mio!
So now we’re beginning to see cracks in the Rima/Ashley friendship. Maybe because Rima is fake-marrying another woman? Probably.
And what do you know. It’s time for the fake wedding! A Mexican cowboy officiates this very important ceremony on the beach where he pronounces them “lesbianas.” How sweet! Everyone fake celebrates, except for Mehgan who naturally has her permanent “bish, please” face on. In her talking head she points out that this is the Bad Girl’s Club, not Pee-wee’s Playhouse, so why they acting like kids. And I’m thinking, has she ever actually SEEN Pee-wee’s Playhouse? Pee-wee was friends with a talking chair, so I think he’d be QUITE okay with a fake lesbian wedding.
The next day, Emilio from the Pink Kitty calls the house. Mehgan picks up the phone, and he asks them to stop by the club at 4pm that day. Mehgan’s all, no problem! But first everyone goes to the beach. It’s divided into dos groupos: Mehgan, Zuly, Ashley, and Andrea on one side; and Rima, Julie, and Falen on the other. They’re all chilling though you can smell the tension between Mehgan and the other side. All of a sudden, Mehgan’s side realizes it’s almost 4 and they need to go to Pink Kitty, so they let Rima’s side know. But instead of being all, oh shoot, we need to get going!, Rima’s crew is all, why didn’t you tell us earlier? And I’m all, who cares! Just go!
Mehgan’s crew takes my advice and packs up while the other three chicks stay on the beach. As Mehgan leaves, they all start calling out insults to her, saying that she has a flat ass. God, I would be thrilled if someone said that about me! Mehgan, however, is not. She confronts Rima, and before you know it they are in a knock-down drag-out fight. In public. Security breaks them up and they’re threatened with jail time. Luckily, they are let go with just a warning.
Mehgan returns to the house by herself. She prepares for her last hurrah by defaming all the other girls’ pictures. She calls her grandma and says it’s time for her to go. Oh sweet Jesus what is she going to do?
When the other girls finally arrive home (did they make it to the Pink Kitty??? I want another dance night!), they completely ignore Mehgan. She doesn’t even care at this point because home girl has a plan. As they walk by her, she grabs Rima’s hair and ATTACKS like a rabid dog. Falen intervenes and Mehgan throws a few punches and scratches her way. The producers finally break it up and before they can kick out Mehgan, she quits on her own. Peace out!
So there you have it. Another Bad Girl down!
Who will be next???
Liz Out Loud
And be sure to check out a sneak peek of next week's episode here!