Reunions ROCK. For example, this Thanksgiving I have my high school reunion. I am SO looking forward to reminiscing about the past; like being on the math team, getting voted most talkative in the yearbook, and buying gum from a sketchy bodega one town over. It will be the best!
However, I don’t think the Bad Girls Club Mexico reunion will be quite so calm. In fact, I think it will be more like Custer’s Last Stand than a time to get drunk with old mathletes. Let’s see if I’m right! Onwards!
This season they’re mixing it up a little—it is going to be a three part reunion! Three parts! That’s better than two! We meet the girls sprinkled around LA, where the reunion is taking place, I wonder if they got deported from Mexico?
We see Falen and Julie first, who, despite being part-time lovers in Cabo, are now just friends. Then Rima and Ashley meet up elsewhere. They haven’t seen each other since they left the house, which I think is funny because they both live in Chicago. Who knows. Then Jersey/Christina and Andrea gather at another hotel. Meanwhile, Mehgan and Erika prepare for battle at a bar and b*tch about the other girls, especially Julie. And finally, Zuly and the other girl whose name I always forget (oh right, Natasha) meet up too.
So now the teams are set and it’s time to join forces for the epic battle yet to take place. Rima and Ashley meet up with Julie, Falen, and the pile of straw resting on Falen’s head. They talk about how they think it’s going to go down and boast that they are not afraid of anyone. Yawn.
Erika and Mehgan play the same game, but I believe them because they are tough ladies! Mehgan reveals that she is going to bring a bottle of cranberry juice to the reunion to dump all over Rima. This upsets Erika not because she cares about the destruction of property but because that is a waste of cranberry juice! She could be drinking that! Just as long as her expensive weave doesn’t get ruined, though, unlike Andrea’s “thirty dolla holla” she is okay. And that’s when I die a little. Erika’s hair looks like something I’d buy at Ricky’s for my Halloween costume from the discount pile for $3.95. She has no business talking about low budget weaves!
Elsewhere, Falen and Julie confess their underground lesbian sex relationship to Rima and Ashley. They are actually surprised, and Ashley wants to know the logistics of how that works! Details woman! Remember, Ashley’s head is filled with Starbursts and Fruit Loops and Skittles so these concepts can be difficult to understand.
The preparation for battle is winding down. Erika teaches Mehgan the “I Don’t Understand Dance.” They meet up with Christina and eat delicious pizza which makes me jealous because I’m on a no-dairy diet at the moment.
And now it’s time… well, after hair and makeup!
And now they are ready! Bad Girl Queen Bee Tanisha Thomas is hosting, and she introduces the six girls who were last standing in the house to the stage: Julie, Falen, Rima, Ashley, Zuly, and that other one (oh yeah, Natasha.) Tanisha observes that Julie lost a lot of weight. Turns out she lost thirty pounds by chain smoking and not taking birth control anymore. Sounds healthy and safe!
Tanisha’s all, you were the last ones standing, you kicked the other girls out of the house, or as Falen was prone to say, flicked them out like boogers. And I think to myself, who flicks boogers out of their nose after age five? I use a tissue to blow my nose and then toss it gently in the trash can. But maybe I’m being too literal.
They review the season. Tanisha asks Rima how she could become friends with Julie and company after the way they treated her at the beginning. Surprisingly, she has a mature answer: they apologized; she accepted it because she had to live with them and it was better to avoid drama. She goes as far as thanking Julie for treating her like crap because it made her stronger. Okay. I prefer doing squats, lunges, and push presses to increase my strength… but that’s just me.
So far everything has been peaches and cream. But we know that is going to last as long as Julie’s lesbian phase. Because now Tanisha invites Andrea to the stage. She enters wearing a classy get-up of black leggings, a studded bra, and a Minnie Mouse bow. She’s half cartoon, half ho. And home girl is ready to fight! She accuses the other girls of jumping her, then she accuses Rima of looking at her sideways, then she has words with Ashley, AND THEN everything devolves into screaming. Sorpresa.
The episode ends and we are promised two more weeks of batsh*t craziness. I can’t wait!
Liz Out Loud
Part 2 of the reunion airs Monday at 10 ET/PT! Check out a sneak peek here.